6 attitudes for your child to become a conscious adult

By definition, a citizen is an individual with civil and political rights guaranteed by a State – that is, in theory, your child was born a citizen. But theory is not enough. It is necessary to learn, practice and cultivate citizenship. A good part of the essential ethical values ​​for him, in the future and now, to live well in society comes from school. “It is there that children have their first solid experiences in terms of public life and learn to live together, as someone who belongs to a place and a group”, says Maria Teresa Eglér Mantoan, a professor at the School of Education at the State University of Campinas (Unicamp) and coordinator of the Laboratory of Studies and Research in Teaching and Difference (Leped), at the same institution. But notions of respect for oneself and others, solidarity and tolerance to live well with diversity are also born at home. It all starts with the posture that parents assume both in domestic domains and in the community of which they are a part. Even simple everyday attitudes, such as walking around the neighborhood to get to know it better or engaging in a critical conversation about a movie the family has just seen, help to form citizen children. We consulted experts and gathered the main ones.

1. Be a good role model

A great starting point is to show – not with words, but with actions – that the family is aware of its rights and duties and acts in a participatory manner in society. This includes going to meetings and events promoted by the school where the children study, not missing condominium assemblies, going to the polls to elect rulers aware of their vote, giving their opinion in referendums and finding out about important issues for their neighborhood, their city , your state, your country. But everyday attitudes count, and a lot. So, be careful: from the back seat of the car, your child can see whether or not you give way to pedestrians, if you always follow the traffic rules – or break them when you are in a hurry, for example – and if you usually stop in double rows when drop it off at school. And he notes kindness and common sense (or the lack of these attributes) in dealing with relatives, friends, co-workers and employees. “Children and teenagers are very observant. They see everything,” says psychologist Marina Vasconcellos, a family and couples therapist in São Paulo. She points out that, therefore, it is worth commenting when people do something wrong. “You might say, ‘Look, a driver standing right in the lane. Isn’t that cool¿,” she suggests. The conversation should happen naturally and fluidly, not seem rehearsed or sound like a moral lesson. One of the bases for forming a critical citizen is to show who you really are, your beliefs and principles.

2. Activate the feeling of belonging

Citizenship has everything to do with feeling part of a group and taking responsibility for it. First, the family itself. “Parents need to talk about her and show who this set of closest people is, her history and her habits. Thus, the child begins to understand how his relatives live together and what are the limits that he occupies within that cell”, says Maria Teresa, from Leped, from Unicamp. When well worked in the micro sphere, the feeling of belonging facilitates coexistence in the macro sphere – it doesn’t matter here if we are talking about other children in the park, the club class or schoolmates. According to experts, this feeling of belonging to something, which generates commitment, is essential for your child to understand that “being with the other” is different from just “being with the other” – it presupposes sharing and respect. According to Maria Teresa, “the role of the family is central for children to realize that, away from home, they also have commitments to the world around them”. Later, these notions will contribute to give meaning to the idea of ​​nation, in which we can complain if our rights are not guaranteed, but we also need to assume duties for the common good.

3. Invest in partnership with the school

Since both family life and experiences in the school environment are fundamental for building and strengthening notions of citizenship, nothing is more sensible than seeking a solid partnership. “All social institutions participate in the educational process. But the school is the one destined to educate in an organized and systematic way. It is there that the knowledge, beliefs and values ​​of a society are intentionally and specifically shared”, says Terezinha Rios, doctor in education and columnist for Nova Escola Gestão Escolar magazine, of the Victor Civita Foundation. Getting to know the paths taken by the school where your child attends requires more than just following announcements and attending meetings. Ask to see the political-pedagogical project, a document in which the institution’s objectives and goals are described, as well as the means used to achieve them. Most of these projects refer to citizenship education. Afterwards, it is necessary to follow the educators’ daily work as closely as possible to see how the proposals are put into practice. “The task of the school will be more successful if articulated with the action of other institutions, mainly the family. You have to establish a dialogue.”

4. Make room for critical postures

Walking around the neighborhood, seeing what is good and bad about it, observing the diversity of people and places it shelters, thinking about ways to make it more beautiful and pleasant. This is a simple activity, but loaded with stimuli for citizen behavior. You can also do similar exercises in another city or country. “Getting to know different peoples, cultures, habits and cuisines is to favor the understanding of diversity”, says psychologist and psychoanalyst Blenda de Oliveira, from São Paulo. And this is basic to developing tolerance. Not to mention that children and adolescents need spaces to express their opinions. There are simple and workable ways to do this. “How about watching a documentary, a fiction film or a play and then having a critical debate about them together? This type of discussion helps stimulate reflection, which is important in building citizenship,” says Luciana Maria Allan, technical director of Instituto Crescer para a Cidadania, in São Paulo. Volunteer work is another axis to be explored. Visiting a nursing home or telling a story at a day care center are experiences that raise awareness and change our children’s perspective. It’s just not worth charging interest for volunteering if this is not a practice valued by the family and incorporated into their daily lives. “We say that young people today are apathetic and do not have a critical view of the world. But when do we, as parents, offer strategies for them to be participatory citizens? When invited, they want to participate and they like it. They are shocked and worried about the reality around them and have the energy to change things for the better”, says Luciana.

5. Encourage collaboration

Friendship and coexistence between neighbors seems to decrease as the size of cities and condominiums increases. The result is that today individualism prevails in our society. “We are more isolated and unhappy”, summarizes Maria Teresa, from Unicamp. “There are those who fear being supportive for fear of getting hurt and those who think they will never need those who live next door, hoping that the reciprocal is true.” Rather than perpetuating isolation, parents need to encourage encounter. It is worth encouraging your child to introduce himself to new residents of the building, inviting them to play. Or invite a newcomer to school for an afternoon of fun. Yes, eventually they will conflict. And, yes, they may be different in trajectory, characteristics, thoughts and possessions. But none of this should serve as a measure of comparison or competition, and that’s what you’re going to teach your little one. Always be careful not only with what you say but with what you think. Dreaming that your child will be a great winner in life is valid, but never at any cost. There is little point in getting there if there is no social justice so that the other also has the chance to get there – and that is why urban violence is a problem for all of us.

6. Say no to any waste

Certainly, the end of year festivities brought new clothes, toys and electronic devices to your home. It is an opportunity to promote a general cleaning of closets and teach that certain accumulations are unnecessary. In addition to being rewarding, the act of donating is educational. “It teaches about detachment and shows that nothing is irreplaceable”, says Marina. Talking about the conscious use of water and electricity and showing the importance of separating waste are also essential lessons. “Children need to be educated so that they learn not to waste food, time, friends, affections, talents and opportunities. Sustainability encompasses all of this”, says Blenda. The challenge is to transmit a complete package of limits, values, responsibilities and citizenship postures in different areas – a package to be carried for a lifetime.