4 tips for not crying in the middle of an argument

Although “swallow that cry” is something common to hear since childhood, letting the cry out is good and important so that we don’t accumulate sorrows. But not at any time: in the middle of a discussion at work, with bae or bae, with someone in the family or with friends, the focus of the conversation is lost when someone cries – and those who cry automatically lose their reason and, in many cases, even the respect of bosses and colleagues.

Simply put, crying is good, but knowing how to control crying is even better. And how to achieve this feat?

Andréa Chaves, a psychologist specializing in mental health, suggests that the starting point is the understanding of emotions. “It is important to know our feelings, to know how to name them and then let them out. Understanding what triggers crying – anger, sadness, frustration, PMS, there are many possible reasons – and why it needs to be voiced is a first step,” she says.

That done, psychologist Carla Guth, a specialist in family and constructionism, recommends analyzing which triggers have already led to crying in past discussions: “Recognizing them helps to prevent situations from recurring. Did I cry because of it? Okay, the next time I see it coming, I can prevent myself from putting some tactics in place to not cry.”

Simple strategies for holding back tears in the middle of an argument

Andréa and Carla teach, below, four super simple strategies for you not to shed a single tear during an argument. Now you can start training!

– Deep breath

But discreetly: inhale and exhale long, but you don’t need to make big body movements for air to enter and exit your lungs. Imagine that you are slowly inflating and deflating a balloon inside your body. This tactic works as a natural tranquilizer.

– Mentally order your arguments

Giving your brain a “busy” during the argument tends to make you forget about crying – the focus is on the conversation, not the feelings. Pay close attention to what the other person is saying and mentally order the responses or arguments you will use when it is your turn to speak.

– Do not stare at the person

That doesn’t mean looking around, please, okay? (also because it’s horrible to be in an argument with someone and the person is looking away the whole time) The idea is just not to stare into her eyes; look at the forehead, the nose, the ears… This way, it’s more likely that your emotions don’t change so much.

– Chew gum

This is a biological strategy: the movement of chewing gum makes the organism produce gastric juice and release hormones that relieve stress, which will make you calmer and less prone to crying.

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When the discussion is over, you can go to the bathroom, to your room, to a corner of the kitchen to cry as much as you need. “It’s not nice to repress the urge to cry indefinitely. Letting go of emotions is good for mental health”, concludes Andréa.