3 techniques to practice assertiveness

You are in the supermarket waiting in line at the checkout to pay, when suddenly someone sneaks in and… At that moment, although you get very angry, you don’t dare say anything to avoid starting a confrontation. The opposite can also happen and the person who has snuck in receives the anger that you have been building up all day and have not been able to express. Then come feelings of frustration, guilt, etc. So that this does not happen to you in this and other situations, We explain 3 techniques to practice assertiveness.

In the example, the first posture (remain silent and transfer the commotion to the internal dialogue), This is what is called passive behavior.. It is usually a product of insecurity, as well as a low tolerance for conflict. Thus, in exchange for not generating controversy or participating in an unpleasant situation, the person may become complicit in the violation of his or her rights.

In the second case, the attitude is quite the opposite, we are talking about aggressive behavior, a product of the lack of ability to channel the energy that accompanies negative emotions. The difference is that he defends his needs and rights by violating those of others and, even if he is right, he loses it due to his way of expressing himself.

What is assertiveness?

Assertiveness is a quality of communication -therefore, it can be absent or present- that directly influences accurate expression in situations in which assuming the position of sender is not easy. Therefore, it is part of that toolbox that is skills; Furthermore, as we have pointed out before, it is closely related to emotional intelligence.

This form of communication is a safeguard for our rights, both for those we already have and for the conquest of new ones.. Continuing with this thread, we can say that it is sensitive to practice, easier for people who are sensitive to the context and are able to maintain a balance between the different connections: the one they maintain with themselves and those they maintain with others. the rest.

3 techniques to practice assertiveness that are very useful

Let’s learn some techniques to practice assertiveness from authors of the level of Rivero Hernández, for example. Let’s look at three that we consider especially interesting.

1. Scratched record

This is a very useful technique when we want to maintain a certain position in front of another person who keeps insisting in which we do something else. For example, that we do a favor when we can’t.

The other person will insist and insist, trying to get us onto their ground. It is a form of manipulation –in many cases unconscious– that wants us to end up giving in due to exhaustion. May we reach the point where her insistence is so unbearable that we want to end it at all costs; and at all costs it means that we will probably end up giving in and making an extra effort to make the noise stop.

The technique against this tactic of demolition and harassment consists of set an argument that we will repeat over and over again at the insistence of the other. For example, a person needs you to participate in an event and you need to rest. The broken record would be that message, I am very tired and I need to rest. Always giving the same message will prevent you from spending resources thinking about possibilities and thinking about the issue.

The situation would be more or less like this: “Please, I need you to help me at the event on Saturday,” and the broken record’s response would be: “Thank you very much for having me, it’s a detail, but I’m very tired and I need to rest.” , so I’m not going to be of much use, another time I’d love to give you a hand.”

2. Talk about how I feel instead of attacking

Normally when something bothers us or we think that our rights are not respected, we usually use “you”, for example, “you are a disaster because you haven’t cleaned anything.” In these cases, the other person feels attacked and your response will be to respond to the attack as protection, generating a discussion.

On the other hand, if we speak from the “I”, saying how that situation makes you feel, it will be easier for us to awaken the empathy of the other and more difficult for the situation to end in a confrontation, being able to reach agreements. For example, “I feel overwhelmed because the house is not clean, why don’t we solve it?”

3. The fog bank technique

Is about find a point on which both people agree, even if it is minimal, and use it to show that you have a connection that can serve as a basis for bringing positions together. For example: “I agree that the country’s economic situation is still not good, but other workers in the sector earn more than me and I would like my salary not to be below what is established.”

If you use these 3 techniques to practice assertiveness, you will see how your communication with others improves significantly. On the other hand, so will your internal discourse, which will stop working with what could have been or not been, disappearing a good part of the self-reproaches, regrets and feelings of guilt.

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