12 Phrases that can hurt your child a lot and some tips to improve communication with him

Words have more power than we realize. Everything we hear from our parents when we are children can be stored in our memory forever. Words of affection and wisdom make us better people and negative words make us doubt our possibilities. The important thing is to know that any common and seemingly innocent phrase can damage a child’s self-esteem and make them turn into an insecure adult.

Today the awesome.club brings you 12 phrases parents should avoid and what to say instead, according to experts.

Avoid: “I’m so proud of you!” or “Good job!”

Try: “Be proud of your work!” or “You solved the puzzle so fast!”

The first sentence seems innocent, but it’s quite tricky. When parents praise everything the child does (like eating dinner or drawing a picture), the praise becomes meaningless. Instead, try praise specific things related to the child’s achievements, always encouraging self-criticism and pride in what has been well done.

Avoid: “Just wait for your father (or your mother) to get home from work…”

Try: “Please don’t do this anymore. I get upset because…”

By saying the first sentence you postpone the consequences of your child’s wrong behavior, increasing the chances that he will forget what happened. In addition, you can scare the child and turn your mate into an executioner, diminishing its own authority. Try to resolve the issue and explain that you were upset by that particular behavior.

Avoid: “How was your day?”

Try: “What was the best part of your day?”

“How was your day?” is an empty question that is often answered with a word or two. If you really want to know how your child’s day was, do specific questions that encourage long and detailed answers.

Avoid: “If you don’t eat everything, there’s no dessert”.

Try: “First we had the soup and then we had the dessert”.

The first sentence highlights the threat and diminishes the importance of the meal itself. Try an approach that shows that both soup and dessert are tasty, and shows that one comes first and then the other.

Avoid: “Will soon!”

Try: “Let’s go!” or “Let’s see who puts the shoe on first!”

By rushing your child you increases stress and makes him feel guilty about being late. Try modifying the sentence so that your child feels like the 2 of you are on the same team.

Avoid: “Leave me alone!”

Try: “What happened?” or “Give me a second to finish this and we’ll talk, okay?”

If you always avoid your child he will start to think that it makes no sense to ask or asking for help because he feels you are always busy. When children feel that they cannot count on their parents’ help, they begin to share their emotions less. If you can’t hear your child at a certain point, calmly tell him that you need a few minutes to finish what you’re doing.

Avoid: “How embarrassing!”

Try: “What you did made me sad because…”

Perhaps your child is too young to understand shame. That empty sentence doesn’t explain that what he did was wrong. Furthermore, one study showed that shame makes the child behave even more aggressively🇧🇷 Try to explain to your child what is wrong with his behavior and how to prevent it from happening again.

Avoid: “Do not Cry!”

Try: “What happened?” or “What made you sad?”

Crying is super normal, even if the reasons don’t seem that important to you. When you say “Don’t cry!” you Decreases your child’s feelings and he feels that his emotions are not that important. Instead, you need to show that you care and that you want to help.

Avoid: “You do not have to be afraid!”

Try: “I know you’re scared, but I’m here for you.”

With the first sentence you cannot comfort your child and once again he feels that his feelings don’t matter🇧🇷 Instead, try to empathize with how he feels and talk about the causes of fear.

Avoid: “Because I said so!”

Try: “It’s time to turn off the TV and do your homework”.

The first sentence does not show the child what he needs to stop doing and what he should do instead. In reality, the child feels that he has no rights and that you control everything🇧🇷 Try to give basic instructions and explain the reasons behind your words.

Avoid: “I could do that at your age!”

Try: “Let me show you how!”

Every child develops differently, and comparisons are always a bad idea. Instead, try to teach your child how to do things.

Avoid: “I am disappointed in you!”

Try: “What you did upset me because…”

The phrase “I am disappointed in you” is received by the child as guilt and he feels that he cannot meet his expectations. Try to explain how you felt about your child’s actions without using words like ‘disappointed’.

Do you have kids? What other examples would you add to this list? Share your experience in the comments.