Why do I fall in love so easily?

“Why do I fall in love so easily? Why do I get excited right away despite having so many failed stories behind me?” There are many people who ask themselves these same questions every day, unable to understand the reason for those giddy feelings, for that feeling of effusiveness every time someone new bursts into their lives.

They say that the personality in love is one that jumps from flower to flower, which defines emotional immaturity and even a certain sense of irresponsibility. After all, sometimes they leave a relationship to start a new one, discarding loves to embrace new ones and take advantage of that “dopamine and serotonin rush.” Now, regardless of whether or not this may be applicable to all cases, there is an undeniable fact.

There is also suffering. Who is defined by that emotional volatility, by falling in love every now and then, by getting excited about some, getting bored with others, dreaming about that new neighbor, desiring that new co-worker or beginning to see in a different way that person who every day serves coffee, He suffers disappointments and can be hurt in many ways.

Not all loves are reciprocated. And not all couples end up being what one initially thought. Because the person in love always rushes, He runs the risk of seeing what he is not and, sometimes, even puts aside his self-esteem and dignity. Let’s analyze it in detail.

Why do I fall in love so easily? These are the causes

Nothing is as exciting as falling in love. The brain becomes trapped in this chemical wreck orchestrated by neurotransmitters. The mind is inflamed with illusions, fantasies and desires. Few things are as pleasant as that attraction that we can suddenly experience for that someone who suddenly bursts into our life.

Arthur Aron, a social psychologist and expert in motivation at New York University, talks to us in a study about an interesting term: the expansion of the ego. When we meet someone desirable, when a person we are attracted to comes into our lives, That emotional intensity magnifies us, renews expectations and we even pay more attention to ourselves hoping to be desirable to others.

We could say that When we fall in love, not only does life look different, we also see ourselves differently.. It’s like covering ourselves with an effervescent positivity and that feeling can be very addictive for people in love. However, let’s look at more reasons that can explain this fact.

1. Tendency to idealize: a form of suffering

“Why do I fall in love so easily?” Sometimes, after this question There is a very specific answer: because you idealize excessively. You may, perhaps, be one of those people with a natural tendency to put a golden filter on others, placing extra ingredients on those who attract you, on those who catch your attention.

Sigmund Freud said that, sometimes, when we choose someone what we do is give them dimensions that we would like to have: personal security, wit, originality, charisma, charm, intellectual brilliance… That is, Those in love can project onto others what they most admire and desire.

2. Fear of commitment

When someone falls in love with everyone, in the end they have the perfect excuse not to fall in love with anyone. Maybe you know that all love also involves bad times and problems that must be overcome. Maybe you want to avoid those bitter drinks and that’s why you limit yourself to wetting your lips, without drinking the whole drink thoroughly.

3. Fear of loneliness

Falling in love quickly can be a sign of a deep fear of loneliness. Since in our culture not having a partner is seen as something bad, people who are afraid of being alone pathologically seek to be accompanied by someone.

4. Low self-esteem: I look for anyone to fill my voids

When you walk through the world with remarkably low self-esteem desperately looking for something or someone to cover their shortcomings, their insecurities. Thus, almost without realizing it, we feel attracted to anyone who treats us well, to anyone who compliments us, treats us with affection or highlights some of our virtues.

5. I get excited right away (the addiction to falling in love)

There are addicts to falling in love, but not to love. That is to say, anyone who asks themselves “why do I fall in love so easily?” should consider that perhaps they are addicted to dopamine, that neurotransmitter that emerges strongly in the first phase of attraction. It is that deceptive love that arises with attraction, with the mind that gets excited, that fantasizes and wanders with pure desire.

Those substances that the brain secretes in the early stages of falling in love are very pleasant. So much so that one always ends up falling into them. We haven’t even finished starting a relationship with someone when soon a stranger appears who attracts us irremediably. Regardless of whether that ends in a sexual encounter or not, in a relationship or not, the brain cannot help but get excited.

6. The dependent personality

Behind the dependent personality is often the fear of loneliness. Also the profile of someone who always needs to have someone by the hand, without needing that someone to be appropriate. The important thing is to have a person on the other side of the pillow, on the other side of the sofa.

This fear and anguish of loneliness makes them feel attracted to anyone who, at any given moment, shows interest in them. Something like this can make them “jump” from person to person. and relationship and relationship, whenever someone shows some kind of deference or deference.

7. Why do I fall in love so easily? Because I don’t learn from past experiences

There are people who don’t learn from their mistakes. What’s more, no matter how painful the past experiences have been, they repeat them again. Why it happens? Regarding this topic there is an interesting fact. Tilmann Klein and Dr. Markus Ullsperger from the Max Planck Institute in Leipzig, (Germany) tell us in an article about the progress of a research they are carrying out.

The reason why some people don’t learn from their failures or mistakes, could have a genetic origin and orchestrated by what is known as A1 mutation. What this alteration does is reduce the number of D2 receptors in the brain, which are the sites where dopamine is coupled.

What does this translate into? In no longer having any interest or motivation in learning from past failures. So one repeats them continuously.

To conclude, it is still important to know what orchestrates falling in love behavior. Knowing the reasons why one is almost constantly excited about some people and then others can help us control it. After all, The last thing these situations bring is happiness.. Let’s think about it.

Is it possible to learn to fall in love more slowly?

For a start, you can start by reconciling yourself with singleness as a concept. It is likely that behind each fleeting love there is a deep fear of loneliness, so a first strategy is to recognize being single as a time conducive to self-knowledge and to rediscover the pleasure of our own company.

In addition, Strengthening our self-esteem and learning to value ourselves as we are will progressively help us avoid falling in love at first sight. and to feed patience to gradually fall in love based on what we know and value about the other person.

Keep your attention in the present, focus on today and the things you do every day to achieve each of your goals. Many times these crushes come from the desire to avoid our current problems, and we disguise them by placing our hopes in an idealized and impossible future with someone we have just met.

Finally, learn to give yourself time, to get to know that person you like, to fall in love little by little and enjoy each of those small steps towards love, of course, without false expectations and without idealizations.

You might be interested…