11 basic tips to make your child obey you

Getting our child to obey does not require losing our cool. Nor should we resort to blackmail, much less threats. In reality, for children to listen to us the first time and respond to our demands effectively requires daily work based on perseverance, firm rules and adequate emotional communication.

Thus, and as much as it is announced in the title of this article, There are no magic recipes to get the child to obey.. The little ones are people with their own decisions and those choices usually come into head-on collision with the orders of the elders. What is possible is to prevent them from being the ones to win all our battles and try to achieve a climate at home in which the calms win over the storms.

As the anthropologist Margaret Mead said, In matters of upbringing and education, reprimands are not as effective as we think. The most pedagogical and appropriate thing in all cases is to make use of coherence, patience, example and psychological ingenuity. Let’s see more data below.

What should I do to make my child obey?

There is a first aspect that we must understand so that our child obeys. Obedience should not be based on firm and absolute authoritarianism. The ideal is to set parenting on a clear objective: to give the world respectful children, capable of thinking for themselves, people capable of cooperating, understanding and always acting with balance and in a mature manner.

Obedience that is based on shouting and threats does not educate, it hurts. We must make our children understand that each rule has a purpose, that each demand we make of them, as well as each prohibition, responds to those rules of coexistence to which they must abide.

What’s more, studies like the one carried out by Dr. Duane F. Alwin, for example, remind us of something interesting. The obedience that is based on democratic education gradually favors a more responsible independence of the child in understanding social norms and the consequences of their actions. Let’s now learn what keys can help us so that the child obeys.

11 pedagogical tips to promote obedience

All the theory regarding democratic education is very good, but how to apply it to real life? Here are some practical tips to help you get your child to obey you:

The demand to obey must be made gradually. You can’t go from zero to one hundred. It is appropriate to start asking for obedience in tasks that are easy and pleasant for them and, when this has established itself, gradually move up to another level of demand. Small steps that will help achieve the final goal.Instructions on what the child should do should be simple and clear. They should always express themselves in a normal tone and at their level, never from the next room and shouting.These instructions must be given one at a time. It is best to avoid giving too many instructions at the same time.The child must get used to receiving orders once or twice to be obeyed. If we go beyond that, the only thing we will achieve is to become emotionally upset. From the third “unheard” order, there will be a consequence for his disobedience and the child must know it.The child’s good behavior must be accompanied with praise and, occasionally, with small prizes. Praising him and offering him affection when he does things well and obeys are, in any case, the best reward he can receive. In the same way, Situations in which the child does not obey must have a consequence (such as, for example, depriving him of something he likes) but nothing more, without him getting extra attention from the bad behavior and spending all day referring to it. In many cases it works well to use behavioral techniques such as the token economy or the points-based card. In a clearly visible place, the rules to be followed (few and simple) and the days of the week will be posted: positive points will be given when you do it well, but also negative points when you do it badly. Depending on whether the weekly count is positive or negative, there will be prizes or not.Avoid continuous punishment. There comes a time when children become immune to it. That is why positive value is more appropriate for good behavior and ignorance for bad behavior than a constant fight.Try to avoid, as much as possible, inferences from other family members, you have to inform them of what you are trying to achieve and be clear with the plan. It is important to always avoid others disavowing to children what is being done to try to get them to obey.Listen to your child: Many times, disobedience has a reason that we must know and correct. And the eleventh? The tenth tip could well be the first, the second, the third… In short, we are talking, of course, about the patience. Let us remember that the reason is that a self-controlled adult is the best mirror in which a child can look at himself.

Children don’t always obey. As individual people with the decision-making capacity that they are, sometimes they will decide not to follow the rules no matter how good a parenting system you have established in your relationship with them. Therefore, always remember that the objective is to turn them into valid and autonomous people, not to achieve blind obedience.

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