Difference between self-esteem, self-confidence and self-compassion

Self-esteem is estimating yourself, liking yourself, valuing yourself. Many studies show a correlation between professional success and self-esteem. This led the United States to an intense search to understand what makes a child, an adolescent, an adult to have and maintain self-esteem. The logic was: if self-esteem brings success, how can we increase it so that everyone has it and we have a successful country?

There are two issues that make this search problematic: first, correlation research is not cause-and-effect research. The fact that someone successful in their career has self-esteem does not necessarily mean that it was self-esteem that caused the success. Other factors may mediate the process, that is, we may find causes that have nothing to do with estimating.

Another problem is that the quest to encourage self-esteem since childhood can lead to a mistaken understanding of what it takes to like yourself. Many people understand that to value yourself you have to devalue others. At the base of this error of thought is the comparison: “I can only like myself if I do X or Y, or if I have a perfect body, or am smart, or have many friends, etc. So-and-so has more than me. Therefore, I am no good”.

Social comparison, we know through positive psychology, is responsible for the decrease in happiness. If you want to be happier in life, stop comparing yourself!

If self-esteem is not associated with comparison with others, it can be very beneficial. The only person who is sure to accompany us throughout our lives is the me. If I think well of myself, I see what’s good about me, my talents, my capabilities, I’ll have good company for the rest of my life.

Self-confidence is trusting yourself. In practice, it has to do with trusting that we can do a certain activity. In this sense, self-efficacy and self-confidence are one and the same.

Maybe you don’t know the term self-efficacy and you know the term self-confidence. Self-efficacy is arguably the single most important component of improvement in psychotherapy (and other types of therapy as well). Self-efficacy is, “It’s tough right now. It’s hard to do, go through it. But I know I can get through it. I am capable”.

In moments of difficulty or in calmer moments, self-efficacy is like a force that allows each one to accomplish, to do, to overcome, to go forward. In psychotherapy, it is believing that it is possible to improve and striving for change to occur.

Self-compassion has been increasingly studied in recent years in psychology. The definition of Kristin Neff, creator of the Self Compassion program, is that in this program we find three components: shared humanity, mindfulness and self-kindness. Shared humanity is the understanding that we are human beings and, despite enormous individual differences, we have much that we share with others (including similar sufferings). Mindfulness is full attention to the moment, noticing how we are and taking care of ourselves (self-kindness).

Neff, who is one of the leading experts on self-compassion, is often critical of the American emphasis on the pursuit of self-esteem, especially social comparison and striving to be “someone in life.” Her research shows that being kind to yourself is great for increasing productivity and accomplishing more.

For example, if I am working on a work or study project, if I make a mistake or if I feel unmotivated one day, criticizing myself, “beating me up”, will not help at all, contrary to what many people think. Far better would it be to treat me kindly – ​​as I would a friend in a similar situation.

So there is evidence that self-compassion breeds perseverance and perseverance is very important to go further.

As we can see, the three terms have a certain relationship with each other. If we create self-esteem without social comparison and without the need to stay on a high level and only then like oneself, self-esteem can be very positive and will even be linked to self-compassion. True self-esteem brings self-kindness, this affection for myself, and non-comparison means that each one has their own individuality and that deep down we are human beings with their imperfections.

In turn, self-compassion and self-efficacy are related in that self-compassion increases perseverance. And self-efficacy is also related to self-esteem because if I value myself I increase the chances of thinking that I can do it.

Questions, suggestions, criticism, leave a comment.

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