I’m tired of being strong, is it a problem?

“I’m tired of being strong, of being able to do everything, of pretending that nothing hurts me, exhausts me or bothers me.” Maybe right now more than one of you can identify with this situation. They are very common life experiences that accompany those who find themselves, for example, with the pressure of carrying many responsibilities on themselves.

In most cases, you are not strong for yourself, but for others.. We don’t want to worry our parents about all the problems we deal with. Nor do we want our children to realize that we are exhausted, that work is going badly and that the bills keep coming. Sometimes we even pretend to be okay with our partners.

Appearing power with everything is a survival mechanism to avoid attracting attention, so as not to blur our image of an infallible, brave, invulnerable person. However, there always comes a time when the truth comes to light. Our environment witnesses sooner or later our internal fractures, exhaustion, long-silenced suffering…

Many times, when we perceive that we have reached the limit and feel mentally and emotionally exhausted, we feel guilty and feed self-criticism.

What can I do if I’m tired of being strong?

This information may surprise us, but Behind the person obsessed with being strong and being able to handle everything, two basic emotions hide: guilt and shame.. Guilt is experienced when one cannot accomplish everything one sets out to do. And you feel ashamed of what others may think when you reveal that fallibility.

Research work, such as those carried out at the University of Massachusetts, indicates that our mind is dominated by multiple cognitive distortions that reinforce these two emotional states. The “shoulds” or “I have tos” that Albert Ellis told us about fuel self-criticism and that inflexible belief that urges us to be effective.productive and perfect.

Thus, When we suddenly identify a limit to our strengths, fear and contradiction arrive. You feel that you have less value as a person when you fall, when you can’t take it anymore. He is afraid of disappointing his people. It scares him to feel the veil of vulnerability making him tremble, forcing him to stop and slow down.

Allow yourself to be vulnerable; not being able to do everything is fine

Being tired of being strong is not a dent in our character or a sign of our fallibility. Becoming aware of our limits and hitting rock bottom is a reflection of our humanity. There is nothing bad or exceptional about it. The error is in our society, which instills in us the idea of ​​always being mentally strong and superheroes of our lives.

Allowing yourself to be vulnerable is to discover our true strength as a person. Because as the writer and professor at the University of Houston, Brené Brown, explained to us on her day, Vulnerability is our greatest trait of courage. Somehow, those who cling to the need to always be strong and unbreakable distance themselves from the experiences that bring purpose and meaning to our lives.

Sometimes, It is necessary to hit bottom to gain greater momentum when surfacing.. Only when we embrace our limits, fears, weaknesses, needs and insecurities, are we able to know ourselves better to mediate our well-being.

Being tired of being strong is not a problem, it is a wake-up call

When a runner crosses the finish line after a marathon, he or she does not go to the starting line to start over. Even more, when we come home exhausted from work, we don’t start doing any work or renovations. We usually take a shower and rest. Therefore, if we understand these realities… Why don’t we understand that emotional exhaustion is also normal and permissible?

Being tired of being strong and pretending that everything is going well is not a problem, it is a wake-up call for us to stop. When we feel overwhelmed, it is time to start a dialogue with ourselves. Looking inward to know what is happening will allow us to adapt better to the pressures outside.. You have to attend to and respond to your own needs and doing so is not an act of selfishness.

We must be brave enough to explore our limits, fears, warmth and darkness to discover how much light we can bring to the world.

We must reformulate the concept of “strength”

Courage is what a person has who is aware of their sufferings and works on them. Guts are revealed by those who, beyond the criticism of others, allow themselves to say out loud “I can’t take it anymore, I’m not going to do this.”. All of these examples form a canvas of what authentic emotional strength is, the kind that until recently we have been sold in a misleading way.

Therefore, Let’s avoid prolonging unnecessary discomfort by pretending that everything is going well, and that we can assume whatever comes.. We all have our share of resistance and there are times when we simply have enough to bear with ourselves. Nothing happens with the latter either: dedicating time and attention to ourselves is also permissible, necessary and healthy.

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