I don’t feel attractive: what can I do?

“What can I do if I don’t feel attractive?” This negative view of yourself responds to a fairly widespread phenomenon. Biased self-perception is now a common reality among men and women, regardless of age or social status.. The ideal in these cases is to reformulate many of your beliefs.

Likewise, we live in a society dominated by the tyranny of the image and the like. Feeling like you don’t fit in is understandable, given the artificial beauty standards that are imposed on us from various media. Accepting yourself and connecting with your image to appreciate it requires deep emotional, cognitive and attitudinal craftsmanship that we detail below.

What can I do if I don’t feel attractive?

The perception you have of your appearance conditions many areas of your life, especially interpersonal relationships. Research published in Biological Sciences highlights that certain more attractive facial characteristics are usually accompanied by greater social success. We all know. However, you must also keep in mind one detail.

Beauty is a cultural, educational and personal construction that you develop in relation to everything that surrounds you.. Factors such as comparison or even the messages you receive from your environment determine the way you see yourself. The good news is that you can change that approach to become healthier and more loving. Liking yourself a little more is possible and we explain how to do it.

Deactivate your negative attentional bias

Where do you place your gaze when you look in the mirror? What do you think while you observe yourself? One of the reasons you don’t feel attractive has to do with your self-referential processing and attentional bias.. In fact, the journal Neuroscience Research points out how these factors mediate the construction of your own self-esteem.

Now, what do these concepts mean and how should you work on them to feel better? We explain it to you:

Don’t focus on the flaws. Negative attention bias causes you to focus over and over again on those aspects of your face or body that you like least. To avoid this, look away from those points and accept them as they are.Appreciate those attractive parts of yourself. Keep in mind: all of us have imperfect areas and more beautiful ones. Even if you have somewhat striking ears, your eyes and lips may be your strong point. Value those parts and direct your attention to those areas of your body and face that you do like.Compassionate self-referential processing. If you look at yourself every day and only think about how unattractive you are and you keep telling yourself “I don’t feel attractive,” you will reinforce your negative attentional bias. To rephrase it, try to look at yourself with compassion and respect. You deserve to treat yourself well, appreciate yourself fully and empathetically.

Practice neutrality with your appearance

Surely phrases like “love your body”, which our society repeats so much, are something difficult for you to fulfill. You are not the only one on that point and, therefore, another formulation emerged years ago.

Practicing neutrality in your appearance means stopping valuing yourself for how you are, to appreciate everything you can do.. This is a very enriching new approach. To achieve this purpose, take into account the following dimensions:

Appreciate the here and now without leaving room for self-criticism. You don’t have to love your face and body, just accept them without judging them. Start new activities that make you feel good and allow you to enjoy yourself. Enjoy every activity that your body allows you to do (working, dancing, hugging, walking, etc.).

The importance of self-care

The fact that you tell yourself at a given moment “I don’t feel attractive” is normal. After all, it’s hard to like yourself every day. The key is that this negative self-perception is not a constant every time you look in the mirror. It must be controlled and regulated to safeguard your psychological well-being..

As you well know, body dissatisfaction has a great impact on our young people. Not liking one another, as pointed out in a work published by the Journal of Clinical Child and Adolescent Psychology, is correlated with anxiety problems. Thus, to prevent and address negative judgment towards your own image, it is advisable to practice good self-care.

Validating your emotional needs, surrounding yourself with people who appreciate you, being kind to yourself, and maintaining healthy habits will be of great help.

Boost your self-esteem and self-confidence

To be attractive you don’t need to have a perfect body and face. Your personality and confidence in yourself are great bastions to be liked and, above all, liked. In fact, the more you value yourself and your skills, the perception you have of your image will improve significantly.

In the Encyclopedia of Body Image and Human Appearance It highlights how this same link between body image and self-esteem can condition the entire life cycle of people, and not just the youngest. Therefore, in order to improve these areas of your well-being, it will be useful for you to put the following into practice:

Be confident in your abilities. Learn new skills. Ask your family and friends what is best about you. Be proud of your achievements; big and small.Recognize your values, talent and what makes you unique.Keep in mind all those who appreciate you just as you are.Look for that style of dress and haircut that makes you feel good and empower yourself.Set yourself new challenges. You will see how your self-confidence improves when you conquer them.

Physical attractiveness almost always responds to a subjective perception conditioned by your social and cultural environment. Working on self-confidence, self-esteem and attitude will allow you to see yourself better and feel more secure in your interpersonal relationships.

Avoid comparing yourself with others

If you have been telling yourself “I don’t feel attractive” for a long time, there is another variable that you should address. It’s time to stop comparing yourself to others, whether with those around you or with Instagram or TikTok figures. In this sense, the journal Frontiers in Psychology published a study where they point out how social networks can affect your subjective well-being by facilitating this comparative mechanism.

Starting today, train your mind to focus attention on yourself in a healthy way and not so much on others. You are someone unique, with your particularities, your beauties and defects, just like everyone else.. Beauty is in diversity and not in homogeneity. Avoid wanting to meet an ideal of attractiveness that is as impossible as it is unhealthy.

Filter the messages that come to you and keep the positive ones

“You would be more attractive if you lost weight.” “You would like it much more if you had some cosmetic touch-ups done.” It is possible that in your environment you receive comments that invalidate your self-image.. It’s not just social media that sends you biased messages about the ideal of beauty. Your friends and even your family can offer you inaccurate and even harmful judgments.

Put filters and protection mechanisms against those words of others that weaken your self-esteem. Keep only those words and comments that reinforce it.

Take care of your internal dialogue

The way you talk to yourself affects how you see yourself. Culture and society can convince you that you don’t meet the distorted canon of what is considered beautiful and attractive. However, Your negative internal dialogue is what hinders you the most when it comes to having a healthy self-image..

Try to rephrase it, change your conversational dynamic and make it more respectful and healthy. Fire your internal judge so that he does not devalue and criticize you again.

Being attractive is an attitude

If you feel good on the inside, you will perceive yourself better on the outside. Thus, When you say to yourself “I don’t feel attractive” it is important to know that this perception is often very subjective.. Think that there are people with striking physical characteristics—such as having an aquiline nose—who attract people because of their attitude.

You are facing a dimension that you can train and improve. Work on your emotions, find that point of well-being and internal calm to then enhance your charisma, charm and social skills. Your self-image will improve.

Surviving a world dominated by the tyranny of beauty

You will agree that we live in a time where the physical image has great power. However, the beauty they sell us is not always the real thing or the healthiest. Try, therefore, to be critical of these types of ideas that can come to you from almost any area; including that of the people you are close to.

Lastly and most relevant, Do not hesitate to consult with a specialized professional if this negative perception towards you persists over time.. Sometimes, behind these attributions and emotional discomfort, a clinical condition may hide. Remember that there are effective therapies that will restore the self-confidence and well-being you need.

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