You don’t need anyone to be happy

It is increasingly common to find people who have chosen not to live as a couple and they are happily single, far from the nuclear family stereotype. Other people, however, despite having spent their lives looking for the right person who never comes, they live in anguish for not having been able to find it. They mistakenly believe that if they fail to mate they will never be happy.

Many of the people who come to my office follow this pattern. They drag behind them complicated sentimental stories. They have spent their lives in relationship to relationship, trying to adapt to the desires of others. They have worked hard to please, to be the ideal couple. But their relationships have failed, time and time again.

The relationships of these people often They have turned out to be stormy, with submission, dissatisfaction or jealousy as protagonists. And although in none of these relationships have they achieved the much-anxious happiness, they persevere. They believe that it is a matter of patience: even if they suffer unbearably along the way, in the end someone will come who will complete them and provide them with eternal happiness.

Why don’t we find our ideal partner?

Actually, the question is not that it is difficult to find our ideal partner. What happens is that many people start from a wrong premise. It is not about looking for a partner that suits us, nor about being the ones who adapt to a partner. These types of relationships are doomed to failure.

Our main objective should not be desperately looking for a partner, but free ourselves from our negative patterns, dragged from our childhood. This is how we will achieve our personal emotional balance without having to look for it outside, but finding it within ourselves.

By carrying out this personal liberation work, it is most likely that we will stop attracting the type of toxic people that we were attracted to before. After having healed our wounds, we will not need others to cover our shortcomings.

When you heal your wounds, decide if you want a partner

Working with ourselves and with our stories we can achieve our well-being and our emotional independence. We will feel full, happier and more authentic in relationships with others. We will no longer have to sacrifice anything of our own to be liked or so that others do not get angry.

Frequently, when a person has reached this state of well-being with himself, it is common for him to find other people who, in turn, have made their own personal journey of liberation. They may start, if it is their life choice, a relationship, but in a very different way like it did in the past.

The relationships between two free (and liberated) people are much more open, authentic and natural, they are no longer mediated by the needs or obligations of each one.

Other people, after freeing themselves from old patterns and patriarchal teachings, understand that, really, They don’t need a partner to be happy. They relax, stop worrying and forcing themselves to find a partner, and start enjoying life for themselves, not through others.

The case of Susana and her unsatisfactory relationships

This vital change was what Susana made. She came to my office after countless relationships that always ended in a very unpleasant way. When she began living together with her new partner, she felt good, protected and flattered by the boy she was with at the time. She was trying her best to please and please her partner. A few months passed during which everything was going well.

However, as time went by, she was feeling worse and worse. As she kept quiet about everything she thought might displease her partner, she accumulated it inside. For this reason, a deep well of discomfort was being created inside her.

Little by little, Susan he realized that more and more of his partner’s habits and attitudes bothered him. Sometimes, without even being aware of the reason, she felt angry with her partner for some nonsense. After time, when she couldn’t take it anymore and the arguments were more frequent, the relationship broke up.

Throughout her therapy, Susana He was releasing all the ties and brakes that he had dragged since his childhood. She learned to listen more to herself and to express what she wanted at all times.

He also freed himself from the obligation to please others so they wouldn’t get angry (a pattern she’d learned as a child from trying to please her father, an overbearing and vehement man).

When he managed to become emotionally independent from others, The young woman began to look more at herself and stop attending to other people’s needs ahead of her own.

After her work in therapy, Susana, a great lover of nature, decided to take the step of hiking regularly. Sometimes she went on excursions in a group and sometimes by herself. She no longer needed to feel accompanied to enjoy life, now she truly enjoyed herself, without depending on others. Of course, she went out with friends and had a healthy sexual life, but never with the intention of having a stable partner. The young woman had understood that her ideal state was to keep her privacy to herself. She finally felt free.

Just like Susana did, each person must Find your personal balance. This implies never stopping feeling free with ourselves.