Why we like bad boys

We know that the bad boys They are not good, they will not bring us almost anything positive, they will hurt us, etc. Nevertheless, a kind of masochistic instinct is unleashed every time we see them, and we find them totally irresistible.

The chemistry is not the same with them, there is risk, there is intensity, there is danger, there is emotion. It is a completely intoxicating cocktail. And when our bad boy disappears, who of course we have tried to change, we cry and cry for days regretting how stupid we have been.

“And then she fell in love, the only way intelligent women can fall in love… Yes, just like an “idiot”; although he was never able to understand all the poems she read to him to explain her love…”

-Angeles Mastretta-

What attracts us to bad boys

The bad boys They represent what we like, what we find interesting, risky, dangerous, different. We know that they will disappear from one day to the next without saying anything, they will go with another one, but we like them. What attracts us so much to a bad boy?

Prohibition

All We feel great satisfaction in breaking the rules. Therefore, being with a bad boy that your parents have forbidden you to be with, or that you know you shouldn’t be with, is a real pleasure.

It is what experts call “conscious fear,” which is not painful but rewarding. The English psychologist Michael BelintMaintains that The fun of the “dark side” appears because we are responsible for that attraction and we can control it.

But not all of us feel the same desire for what is forbidden, since cultural, environmental, and genetic factors also influence that desire.

The desire to be the chosen one

When a bad boy notices you, he gives you his attention, you want to be the chosen one, the only one, even if it’s just for a moment. Be the one who talks to him, the one he looks at, the girl he desires. Although we know that it will be something fleeting, we want it because it makes us feel good. For a moment we will be the only one.

The idea that it will change with us

In the phase of initial blindness to a bad boy, We fool ourselves into thinking that we will change it. That we will make him a better person, that he will admire us and love us madly. It is a phase of falling in love in which we do not see other people’s defects, in which our mind completely clouds our reason.

It’s fun, very fun

Even if we wait hours for a call or a message from you, even if we know that it is going to disappear, even if we are aware that it will not last, We know it will be fun and we continue until the end, whenever it arrives. However, all These ideas are the result of romantic love in movies, It is an incomplete love.

Scientific studies on “the dark triad” of bad boys

Peter Jonasonfrom New Mexico State University (USA), conducted a study with 200 students to prove that women prefer bad men, but they marry the good ones. Jonason classified men according to three personality characteristics which he called “the dark triad of psychological traits”:

The narcissism of bad boys

In bad boys, narcissism is related to short-term matingwhich occurs in men who compete with their own sex, and then repel partners after sexual intercourse.

Psychopathy

Psychopathy is usually manifested by a great lack of sensitivity and empathy.. In short-term relationships it is successful because psychopaths have a false charm that is totally superficial.

The Exploitative and Manipulative Nature of Bad Boys

Machiavellianism is related to insincerity, duplicity and handlingwhich encourages promiscuity.

Jonason’s study found that Those men who had more “dark” personality traits tended to have more female partners and short-term relationships..

The hope of the good guys

In the long term, women’s choice changes. The doctor of evolutionary psychology Gayle Brewerfrom the University of Central Lancashire (United Kingdom), maintains that for short relationships women choose bad boys, but For long-term relationships, women prefer good and loving guyskids who transmit security, empathy, camaraderie.

Keep going despite everything

Walter Riso, Argentine psychologist, in his book “Manual to not die of love” says:

Therefore, when the bad boy disappears, he is no longer looking for us or he has simply exchanged us for another, It is necessary to lose hope as soon as possible, recover our self-esteem. But how?

Riso offers us several techniques that will improve your self-esteemin the face of a breakup or a relationship that is not working, which are the following:

Eliminate from your vocabulary phrases like: “I’m not capable”, “I can’t”.Do not be pessimistic. If you have too many negative thoughts about the future, stop for a moment and check to see if they are realistic.Don’t be fatalistic. You build your destiny.Don’t just remember the bad. For a few moments a day activate your positive memorythink about positive things you have done in your life.Review your goals and you will see that you will be able to go further taking your strengths into account.Challenge yourself and take risks. Define a goal that is realistic and go for it.

The good guys end up winning over the bad guys.

In conclusion, many women are attracted to bad boys because they present traits such as self-confidence, aggressiveness, determination and also, offer the possibility of breaking the rules. However, these people are not at all suitable for a relationship based on love, trust and long-term goals. Finally, the good guys win out.

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