Love-hate relationships: I love you, but I can’t stand you

Love-hate relationships are no exception. Perhaps, in the face of public opinion, no one will admit that their relationship is based on a certain percentage of love and an equal percentage of hate. For this reason and, above all, thanks to the emergence of social networks, the vast majority of relationships seem idyllic. However, under the mask of happiness, a conflicting feeling of love-hate is often hidden.

But what is behind these types of love-hate relationships? Why can we experience these conflicting feelings? Maybe love is not really one of the components of the equation, maybe it is another sensation, another emotion, another feeling. Let us begin!

Little by little

At the beginning of the relationship there are usually idyllic moments. However, with the passage of time, one of the two members begins, for example, to use irony, sarcasm, hints, etc. In this way, little by little, a feeling of contradiction arises in the couple who receives this type of treatment. On the one hand, there is a feeling of love, but on the other, another feeling of aversion, anger, and even hatred emerges.. On many occasions, the couple is not aware of the reason for the emergence of this love-hate.

Love-hate relationships begin gradually. The worse-treated partner may also begin to adapt his or her response style to that of her partner. This is, Not only does one of them lack respect, but both end up treating each other in bad ways.. The relationship has become a dysfunctional relationship. It’s time to analyze what is happening. The question is, where does love come from if there is also hate?

Love and hate in the same space

In response to the previous question, love can arise from the memory of the couple’s first ideal moments. “Before everything was very nice, I’m sure it will be the same again”, many people think. On the other hand, What maintains many love-hate relationships is not love, but dependency. Initial love has given way to emotional dependence, attachment to the other.

This dependency is the reason that makes it difficult, to a large extent, to end love-hate relationships. It would be more correct to call them dependency-hate relationships. In addition to this, the cause of unhappiness is usually attributed to the other: “You are not who you were, you no longer make me happy”. Thus, The feeling of hate increases, since we consider that our partner is the cause of our lack of happiness.

It’s not always so obvious

On the other hand, We can also find couples who do not disrespect each other; However, there is a latent aversion between the two. What was initially ideal and helped us grow, over time has become something of an aversion without knowing very well why.

When we start a relationship, we tend to idealize the other member. As time goes by, we begin to see and take into consideration their “defects.”, those aspects that enlarge us the least. Little by little, some of his behavior begins to bother us, although it is not harmful to us.

Many people consider: “If my partner hasn’t done anything to me, why can’t I put up with him? Why does everything about him or her bother me? I don’t understand”. These types of situations are a little more complex to analyze. On the one hand, we cling to an ideal initial memory of our partner, a memory that we believe will return one day. We ignore the factor of change, that is, we all change over time.

On the other hand, We end up realizing that we are with someone with whom we do not feel connected. The relationship begins fleetingly and everything is overlooked. Falling in love gives way to love, both people begin to get to know each other, and the moment comes when they realize that they are not compatible.

However, where in the beginning there was love, we again find dependency. And this dependency is what makes it difficult to end a relationship: “neither with you nor without you”. No one is satisfied with the relationship, but they are unable to put an end to it.

How do I know if I am in a love-hate relationship?

Sometimes it is difficult to realize that we are immersed in a love-hate relationship. Especially because it involves accepting a harsh reality. Therefore, if you still have your doubts, below we present some key signs of this relational dynamic:

Every day they feel more uncomfortable and tolerate each other’s presence less.but at the same time they feel that they cannot live without him or her.They experience resentment towards their partner, because he is blamed or responsible for things not being well between them. Therefore, they tend to have arguments constantly.The dynamics of the relationship generate deep discomfort and confusion. Well, on the one hand, they want to continue the relationship; but, on the other hand, they want to run away.

Love-hate relationships, easier than it seems

Ending a love-hate relationship is easier than it seems. We are instilled that there is one step from love to hate. However, we have the ability to decide not to hate. In the first case, when both members of the couple begin to disrespect each other, the most sincere thing is to go to a professional or end the relationship; Love has been relegated to the background and only bad manners and dependency remain.

In the second case, Instead of hating our partner because they don’t make us happy, the healthiest thing is to recognize that they have no obligation to meet our expectations.. In this way, we can try to accept our partner as he is or make a decision about the future of the couple.

Before starting a relationship, The ideal would be to maintain a point of prudence when generating expectations; In this way, it would be more difficult to feel cheated when they are not met. On the other hand, if we maintain the ability to enjoy solitude, we will be more resistant to generating dependency.

In the end, although in any relationship there are ups and downs and problems appear, entering into dynamics of resentment and hatred is never functional. Affection should always be unconditional and, if it is not, try to fix it or abandon it. Love-hate relationships always end up leaning towards the negative.

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