Why is the attachment bond important?

Surely you already know that Relationships with the people around you are important in your life: your parents, your friends, your partner… But why? Why is the attachment bond so important?

Next, you will be able to delve into the attachment relationships that we establish in childhood and why they are so important in our development.

The importance of the attachment bond

According to the theory of the English psychoanalyst Bowlby, attachment is any form of behavior that results in a person gaining the proximity of another person that he or she considers important.

During childhood, the priority for any human being is to maintain the bond of attachment with reference figures. (father, mother or significant other) at any price.

So, if this link is broken, The boy or girl will have to develop strategies to have a balance that allows them to regulate themselves emotionally.

When you reach adolescence, the priority is not only to maintain the bond of attachment with these people, but also to look for companions like-minded people and choose romantic partners.

YesDepending on how we have learned to regulate ourselves in childhood, we will show a certain tendency to repeat certain behavioral patterns when interacting in adolescence and, later, in adulthood. We learn to regulate ourselves based on our primary relationships and attachment figures.

Now, what role do these figures have?

Functions of attachment figures

In general terms, the functions of these figures during childhood are intended to obtaining feelings of worth and security.

Secure base

It is about playing the role of a secure base: be a person for the child from whom explore the world. Thus, if a parent is not well regulated, the child is likely to feel unsafe when it comes to exploring his or her environment and learning.

So how to be a secure base for your child? Let’s now look at some of the characteristics of the secure base, as proposed in an article by professionals Vargas and Chaskel:

Empathy: consists in understand the child and put yourself in their place. It is very important that he feels seen by his parents.Sensitivity: refers to appropriately interpret what the boy or girl needs. Do you need to eat? Are you thirsty? Has something happened to him while you were gone?Responsiveness: is the ability to respond appropriately to your needswithout going overboard or undershooting.Availability: It is about providing the security that you will be present both physically and emotionally when the child needs it.Emotional validation: is the ability to support the child emotionally and when necessary to administer certain sanctions. Of course, extremes are pathological.

Safe haven

Another important function of reference figures is to provide the feeling of safe haven, i.e. be people to turn to for protection if you feel danger.

For example: Mario is Elena’s father. Elena remembers that when she was little her father was always very angry when he came home from work. When asking for help with her homework, her father often reacted by yelling at her and getting angry with her.

The function of the safe haven is to allow that child to explore and gradually distance themselves from caregivers.. And in this context, play is very important, since through play and exploration, the child learns to create fundamental resources for his emotional and physical autonomy in later stages. However, if there is fear or threat, exploring and playing becomes impossible.

The consequence of not having a safe base and refuge

When a child learns that his mother or father are not safe protective figures, You will experience the need to look for alternative emotional regulation mechanisms. For example: other people, material things or activities that help you regulate yourself.

Depending on the interaction they have had with their caregivers, the child develops a series of internal operating models that contain the memories, beliefs, goals and strategies created based on past experiences.

These models will be the basis on which the child will build the house in which he will live the rest of his life, both as a teenager and as an adult. Now, what happens when the foundation of a house is weak? Maybe it collapses, there are defects or renovations have to be done… Well, the same thing happens when this happens to people.

If our foundations are weak, In the face of any vital setback we will collapse or the adaptation mechanisms will not fulfill their function.

So what happens when the mother acts one way and the father another? The attachment relationship established with each figure can be different. The above operating models may vary from caregiver to caregiver.

For example: a child may feel very secure in his relationship with his mother and be afraid of his father. You can also have different attachment models and relationships towards other important figures: an uncle, a grandmother, a teacher, etc.

With everything already described, We can ask ourselves if all this can be modified. And the answer is yes. Internal models are not rigid and inflexible, but can be modified based on the attachment figures that we meet throughout life.

Of course, it is important to mention that, sometimes, the ways of relating to others and to oneself, beliefs and regulation strategies can be a source of conflict and discomfort. In these cases, it is advisable to carry out psychological therapy to learn alternative ways to manage these types of situations.

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