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Why do we feel affinity with some people and not with others?

Throughout our lives we meet hundreds of people, but only some end up occupying an important place in our hearts. What makes these connections so special?

Written and verified by the psychologist Elena Sanz.

How many people do we meet throughout our lives? It is impossible for us to keep track of the faces we pass along the way or the names of those who were part of small moments of our existence. However, Of all those souls, how many do we really feel affinity with? What determines that such a rewarding connection occurs between two human beings?

Since we are little we begin to meet people who could potentially be part of our closest social circle. In class, in extracurricular activities, at the university, in the different jobs we go through… there are infinite places in which We agree with others who, in the end, remain as a vague memory in our memory.

Even our friends frequently introduce us to other individuals with whom they hope we will get along. However, and against all odds, this often does not happen. So what does it take for that precious emotional connection to take place?

Why do we feel affinity with certain people?

A meeting point

It’s about finding, naturally, a meeting point. That person may express an opinion that we feel is ours, perhaps share one of our hobbies or have gone through a similar life experience. In any case, There is something in it that makes us feel identified and constitutes a positive starting point..

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Same values

On the other hand also It may happen that we feel in tune with someone apparently opposite to us. Many of us can attest that people with tastes and hobbies diametrically different from ours have occupied an important place in our hearts.

And, on many occasions, It is not so necessary to share specific ideas but rather basic values. As long as respect, admiration or loyalty exists, the exchange of opinions can even be enriching. We only need to feel that the other has principles compatible with ours and with those we expect from others.

The dynamics of the relationship

As a rule, time is a necessary factor for consolidating relationships. From the first moment we can have the feeling, with someone, of being on a similar wavelength. However, on other occasions It is repeated encounters that offer us the opportunity to discover the valuable essence of the other..

Each interaction allows us to know and delve deeper into their attitudes and ways of behaving. Allows reciprocity to occur, mutual consideration and concern to be shown, important self-disclosures to take place between both… In short, that the bond is forged on solid foundations that the other demonstrates their willingness to build.

We feel affinity with those who speak our language

But, above all, we feel affinity with those who share our emotional language. Those people who seem to naturally understand the subtleties of our communication; who are capable of perceiving the nuances in our gaze, our gestures or our tone. Those with whom The emotional exchange is fluid, simple and natural, with whom we do not have to make an effort to explain what is in our soul..

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Surely we have all met someone with whom, no matter how much we try, it seems impossible to make ourselves understood. Every word is misinterpreted and everyone’s goals are so far apart that mental paths run parallel, without ever crossing.

This natural attunement that arises with some people depends on personality traits, attitudes, representation systems and countless personal factors of each individual. Howeverwhen it is present it is as evident as it is gratifying, because your heart feels at home.

Relationships are not static

Finally, it is necessary to remember that human beings are not static and, therefore, neither are our relationships. Our own personal growth, Our natural evolution can lead us to change visions, ideas and opinions that we held long ago. For this reason, relationships that previously flowed perfectly may stop doing so.

Any significant emotional bond must be cared for and nurtured to last. However, change is part of our nature; and, If you no longer connect with who you used to, don’t be afraid to fly, don’t try to force emotions.. New connections will arrive to surprise you.

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All cited sources were reviewed in depth by our team to ensure their quality, reliability, validity and validity. The bibliography in this article was considered reliable and of academic or scientific accuracy.

Bahns, A.J., Crandall, C.S., Gillath, O., & Preacher, K.J. (2017). Similarity in relationships as niche construction: Choice, stability, and influence within dyads in a free choice environment. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 112(2), 329.Bahns, AJ, Pickett, KM, & Crandall, CS (2012). Social ecology of similarity: Big schools, small schools and social relationships. Group Processes & Intergroup Relations, 15(1), 119-131.

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