Why am I afraid of having a partner?

We feel vulnerable

Entering into a relationship means abandoning what you know, leaving your comfort zone. Many people are afraid of what they don’t know and prefer to stay in the area they know, even if that means stopping meeting people and maintaining relationships.

Reopen wounds

In our daily lives, for the most part, we are not aware of the importance that the traumas, experiences and history that precede us have on us. When we start a relationship we can reopen all the pain and problems of previous relationships, that is why, faced with the fear of this being repeated, there are people who close in on themselves and avoid having a relationship again so as not to go through the same thing again. . It is not necessary that it was a bad love experience, reviving your relationship with your parents or old friends can also affect your future life as a couple. In the following article we explain how to overcome a romantic breakup.

Challenge to one’s own identity

We all have a conscience, an inner voice that tells us who we are and how we are, a series of characteristics that define us as people and that allow us to have a certain position regarding the world. The philophobic may see the relationship as an attack on his own identity and personality.

Fear of pain

It is true that love can make us feel happiness in a very intense way, but it is no less true that with the same intensity we can feel pain or fear. In order to win you have to take risks and there are people incapable of taking the risk of feeling pain in order to feel intense happiness.

Fear of it being unequal

Relationships are often unbalanced and this is something that those who are afraid of entering a relationship experience with a lot of stress. Whether due to excess or defect, for fear of falling in love more than the other person or because they feel overwhelmed by what the other person feels, they try to avoid establishing an emotional bond.

Lose the previous life

It is evident that having a partner changes certain aspects of your life; You can no longer do everything you want at all times, you have to learn to divide your time and change some of your priorities. The fear of having a boyfriend or girlfriend may be due in part to the inability to let go or change some things in the life they previously led.

Existential fears appear

This reason is a little more abstract and deeper, but it is still real. The moment you feel very close to a person, when you establish a strong love bond, certain existential thoughts begin to appear that some people do not know how to handle. Thinking about one’s own death or that of the other person, the fear that the relationship will end, the frustration over a hypothetical loss are feelings that can be very stressful.

Psychology has also addressed this issue and has established a series of attitudes and ways of acting that people who are afraid of having a partner usually comply with. These are:

Victimism: They believe that they are always the victims, they blame previous relationships or external factors for their fears and fears, they are never the ones to blame. No matter how bad we have had it in a relationship, we have to know how to accept mistakes and failures, our own and those of others, to avoid repeating them, not getting stuck blaming the world. Any relationship has good and bad moments, you have to learn to appreciate and remember the good ones and try to learn from the bad ones.They only look for defects: When they meet someone, they focus on looking for and highlighting their flaws. If they don’t find them, they investigate until they appear and serve to justify their inability to maintain a relationship. Instead of looking for and appreciating qualities, they dedicate themselves to finding defects to justify themselves.They go with very different people: When we look for a partner, or when we find one, it is usually because of common affinities and tastes, because we share a way of seeing the world. People who are afraid of falling in love or having a stable relationship get used to mixing with people very different from them so that the differences appear immediately and serve as an excuse not to go further.Find reasons to argue: The moment they start a relationship and see that it can be more serious, they start arguments and look for reasons to argue until the other person gets tired. By doing this they can continue with their victim story without facing their fears.Isolation: At its most serious, the fear of falling in love and having a partner ends up turning into social isolation. Either avoiding contact with other people or hiding so that they have no reason to get to know her anymore.

In the following unCOMO article we explain how to know if he is afraid of commitment.

Recognizing that you have a problem is the first step to overcoming it. I know I’m afraid of having a partner, how do I overcome it? Below we give you some of the keys to losing the fear of falling in love:

Face your fears: The best way to overcome this type of disorder is by facing what scares us so much. By living it in a real way we will be able to see that most of the things we believed were false and that it was not a big deal.Don’t think about the future: We often worry based on hypotheses and possible events that never happen. Think about today and enjoy every day, whatever has to happen in the future you will deal with when it comes time.Verbalize your fear: Telling our problems is a way to involve our loved ones to help us. A relationship is based on communication and trust, if you explain it to them you will not only reduce the tension you feel but they will be able to understand you and help you.give yourself time: If you have had these fears for a long time, you are not going to solve it overnight, give yourself time to learn to overcome the phobia and improve your relationships.Visit a psychologist: Depending on the level of anxiety caused by the idea of ​​having a boyfriend, girlfriend or a stable partner, you may need psychological therapy to overcome it.

If you want to read more articles similar to Why am I afraid of having a partner?we recommend that you enter our Sentimental Relationships category.