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Having done harm does not mean that a person is bad, nor that it is impossible to find a healthy solution to that situation. What is not convenient is to beat yourself up or fool yourself into thinking that it is just a matter of not thinking about it.
Having done harm and becoming aware of it is a step forward, but it also implies carrying a psychological weight from which it is sometimes not easy to free oneself. It is a situation that can be solved, although this cannot be achieved just by turning the page or offering a late excuse.
Only people with very severe psychiatric disorders do not feel guilt. For this reason, they do not have a moral conscience and having caused harm is assimilated as something normal and even necessary. In a more or less mentally healthy person, guilt does arise, which, in principle, is a sign of psychological health.
However, There are blames and not all people feel equally affected by them.. Likewise, there are errors of errors; Sometimes they leave an uncomfortable feeling, but also the peace of mind that no serious consequences were generated. On the other hand, other times having caused harm did produce important effects; That is when a psychological weight is installed.
“A good repentance is the best medicine for diseases of the soul.”.
-Miguel de Cervantes-
having done harm
We have all done harm at some point, even by omission.. There is no one with so much self-control as to have never made a mistake in their treatment, in their attitude or in their gestures. We are not born emotionally mature either and we usually learn to be so from, to a large extent, mistakes.
The feeling of guilt is not so much related to what was done, but rather to the perspective from which it is approached.. Small mistakes sometimes cause strong regrets in some people, while big mistakes are managed in a healthy way in others.
Also influences the outcome of the situation, the relationship you had with the person you harmed, and the current circumstances. If the situation had such serious consequences that they even persist over time, the psychological weight can be very great. If the person who was affected is someone close to you, it is also more difficult to process guilt.
In addition, It’s one thing to have the opportunity to repair the damage. done and another when that is impossibleeither because the consequences are irreversible or because that person is no longer there.
The three types of guilt
Having done harm can generate two types of feelings of guilt. The first is reasonable fault. It is characterized because whoever feels it is clear about the damage he did, what scope it had and what personal moral norm he broke by incurring this. For example, when someone makes a hurtful comment and then regrets it after realizing that he was not very fair to the other person.
The second type is pathological guilt, in which there is no longer as much clarity. Sometimes, the damage done consciously is not recognized, but the psychological weight is carried in the unconscious. This can translate into self-sabotage or feelings of shame. Distrust and fear also appear: guilt becomes the feeling that one is going to receive punishment, but it is not possible to specify why or how.
Pathological guilt can be installed in life as an imprecise obstacle, which gravitates over everything that is done. The most paradoxical thing is that the same person ends up unconsciously longing for punishment and they give it to themselves without realizing it.
How to overcome the situation?
Forgiving yourself is a fundamental practice for mental health. However, this is not a process as simple as saying “I forgive myself” and that’s it. It requires a process that begins with the precise recognition of the damage that was done and the consequences thereof.
This cannot just remain there, but then It is important to examine the circumstances under which the situation occurred. Why was it not acted in coherence with its own norms and values? What prevented it? What psychological circumstances prevailed and why was it impossible to act otherwise?
Having caused harm is often related to immaturity, shortcomings or wrong beliefs.. Also with impulses that break through due to lack of self-control or with conflicts that could not be processed adequately at the time. We must adopt the position of a good friend and try to understand each other for what we are: human beings.
From then on, what follows is to forgive each other, always after having understood each other.. Then, repair what is repairable. Offer apologies and explain our mistake, expressing the commitment to try not to make the same mistake in the future.
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All cited sources were reviewed in depth by our team to ensure their quality, reliability, validity and validity. The bibliography in this article was considered reliable and of academic or scientific accuracy.
García Haro, J. (2015). Three conceptions of guilt: history and psychotherapy. CeIR., 9(1).