Whoever is absent, soon ceases to need

In life you have to be present. Present in presence, mind and heart, and this is what we expect from those people who we consider significant in our daily lives. However, There are moments throughout our lives when we begin to perceive certain voids, someone is absent and we see how customs are broken and silences appear. The averted glances, and the doubts…

There is no more painful absence than that of someone who, despite being by our side, embraces us with indifference, lack of attention or irony. Few forms of loneliness can cause so much suffering.

Someone who is absent sometimes does not want to be present, and sometimes complex situations are created that last over time through lies or half-truths. Having your head somewhere else means stopping paying attention to what we have around us.

Offering voids to the people who are part of our present is a way of hurting and also deceiving ourselves.. It is not right for either party. However, there are also those who do not perceive it, who do not realize that theirs is not a satisfactory, healthy and emotionally safe bond.

There are people who simply do not know how to love. They don’t know how to be present because they only understand one bond: their own. We invite you to reflect on it.

The emptiness of the being that is absent

In reality, and although it may surprise us, there are many types of absences. There are those who, instead of living, seem to just walk through life., without anything really capturing your interest. And there are those who, after having established a relationship, whether emotional or friendship, begin to show disinterest and apathy from one day to the next, disconnect and become absent.

Whoever begins to be absent is only capable of offering a fragile bond, an icy hug that most of the time precedes the prelude to goodbye, to that farewell that will fill us with incomprehension and disappointment.

There are many people we have left behind, simply because ties have cooled. Because the looks conveyed tiredness, or lack of complicity, or because being absent was the only way to be balanced.

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They are normal processes within our life cycle. Our current self accumulates many absences and closed stages where we left loved people in yesterday. from which we learned, and which we may or may not miss. Now, it is necessary to know how to discriminate these types of absences that characterize a certain type of people. These cases may be familiar to you.

The absent father or mother

There are many children who perceive one of their parents as being emotionally distant and even inaccessible. Within this definition, we can differentiate two typologies.

Tyrannical progenitors: It can be the mother or the father. Some of the parents exercise a type of education based on tyranny, where there is no understanding, listening or empathy, and even less that emotional closeness that every child needs to grow.Unrelated parents: It may sometimes happen that the father or mother is not too interested in knowing what their child is like, or what their child does or does not do. There is no closeness, it does not impose, it does not argue, it does not accompany or educate. Communication is scarce and is limited only to “supplying”, working and maintaining the family.You might be interested…

The absent couple

Real presence has nothing to do with physical space. It is something that we must be clear about, because the fact that someone is with us at our side does not at all mean “that he is present” that he listens to us and even less that he offers us reciprocity.

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It is possible that in your partner’s mind there are other interests that he does not reveal to you, that his desires escape to other spaces, he is absent in mind and heart and that due to indecision, selfishness or fear, he does not dare to explain it out loud. It is a very destructive situation.The partner who is absent is the one who either looks away when they are with us, or lacks authentic empathy. and emotionality to express closeness and affection. Be that as it may, both situations offer high suffering.

Learn to be present

It is vital to keep in mind that to offer happiness to the people we love “it is not enough to be there”. It is important to learn to be present not only for the well-being of others, but for our own psychological and emotional balance. We explain some simple keys to achieve it:

Feel more and think less. Live your day to day with all your senses, let life pass slowly and learn to delight in the simplest things: your children’s laughter, your partner’s voice, the evening breeze, your morning coffee. and that cool pillow at night that rocks your rest. It always comes back. Why are you absent at this very moment? Maybe you’re remembering something from the past, you might be regretting a mistake, or you might be thinking about that project tomorrow. Come back, always come back and appreciate what you have before you, the here and now.Connect with your present emotion. It is common that on a daily basis, we connect more with emotions from the past. Maybe out of nostalgia, out of remorse, to remember that disappointment from yesterday. However, all of this is just the past, and the past is not erased or edited. Learn to recognize and live your present emotion.

Being present or being absent always depends on what we feel: if you love, do it authentically and fill spaces. If you don’t love, walk away without leaving scars.