How to get rid of a controlling partner

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If you feel that your partner tries to control everything you say and do and little by little you are losing all your energy and vitality, as well as contact with your friends and family, this article is for you.

Freeing yourself from a controlling partner can mean the difference between maintaining your psychological integrity or not.. Thus, it is essential to know how to do it.

Among the most disturbing behaviors of violence is the control exercised by one member of the couple over the other. However, This destructive behavior usually does not appear until the relationship has already been formed.

Control has been associated with love, attention, or concern for our personal safety. Unfortunately, this association has wreaked havoc on the lives of many people.

A controlling person is reinforced by a dependent relationship. And that can be dangerous. In this article we are going to explain to you what its features are and how you can get rid of it.

What is control?

There are large differences between people with traits associated with control. Many engage in controlling behaviors precisely in response to a very undependent personality.

Control by a partner may know no limits. On the other hand, we see it in couples of all ages, gender, sexual orientation or socioeconomic status.

Controlling people use a large arsenal of tools in order to dominate their partners, regardless of whether they notice it or not. Sometimes, emotional manipulation is complex enough that the person being controlled actually feels like she is the villain or that she is extremely lucky that her partner “puts up” with her.

“You are questioning yourself and changing your behavior, which means you have internalized the subtle abusive behavior so that your partner does not express it openly.”

-Steven Stosny-

Isolate the other from their friends and family

This is usually the first step of controlling people. They may act upset with how often we talk to our siblings or say they don’t like our best friend. They may jump to the next level soon, opposing us seeing anyone.

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In his lack of self-esteem and escalation of control, They may try to turn us against the people we usually trust, saying malicious comments. Their goal is to eliminate our support network to take away our confidence so that we are less able to confront them.

Constant and invalidating criticism

Criticism, like isolation, is also something that begins almost imperceptibly. It doesn’t matter how small these may seem if they are part of a constant dynamic in a relationship. It becomes very difficult to feel accepted, loved or valued if each initiative is subjected to the critical eye of the couple.

Generate emotional debts

controlling people They may have details with the aim of generating a debt in the other. Their attention and care are intended to form an argumentative basis that allows them to believe they have the right, and to express it in this way, to direct the behavior of the other.

It’s a twisted strategy; However, it is usually more common than we think.

They get angry because they are not listened to

They try to be the protagonists of the spotlight all the time. It is a simple form of control. The couple feels insecure and thinks that if the other person looks at her all the time, she will not look at other places or people.

This type of control strategy usually occurs when there is a great fear that the other person will be unfaithful.

Degrading comments

Degrading comments, which may be less obvious at first, are not attacks that should be taken lightly. Rather, they specifically target the person’s strengths that seriously threaten the relationship with these types of people.

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How to react to achievements

How controlling people react to achievements or positive feelings about something can say a lot.

Does he show a little interest or ignore you? Does it minimize what you say? Do you change the subject to talk about someone else who belittles you or criticizes you for what you don’t do?

Over time, when faced with hurtful responses, your shell, your self-confidence and abilities can slowly erode.

Steps to get rid of a controlling partner

Loss of self-esteem, frustration, sadness are the main markers of the effects of a relationship with a controlling partner. When the situation is more serious, we often observe a withdrawal into oneself that is characterized by distancing ourselves from loved ones, family and friends.

This is where the last stage of the process ends and where the victim must make the decision that is essential and that will save them. An act that she can often only do when she is accompanied.

Family members, witnesses of the degradation of a relationship, could be the triggers for this decision which, without a doubt, must be accompanied by the assistance of a therapist.

The road to recovery, although life-saving, can be long and complicated. The first step is to protect your own security.

1. Check your security

In some cases, breaking up with a controlling partner can be clean.. However, in others, materializing it can be difficult. Either because there are many bonds of dependency and it is not possible to stop seeing the other or because that controlling person makes an effort to continue maintaining that control, even knowing that the relationship is broken.

2. Gather a circle of safety

After a long relationship of this type, you may feel very far from your family and friends. Take the first step and try to rebuild, as much as possible, that support network. In doing so, you may encounter some resentment; However, if you are honest, most will be supportive.

3. Ask for help

In these moments, as in all those that we may consider delicate or critical, Having a good support system is essential. People who move when they feel we need them can make the difference between personal collapse or evolution. It is essential to ask for help.

4. Keep going, despite conflicting feelings

When you leave a partner you don’t love and even fear, a feeling of happiness and calm comes over you. However, it will always involve painful situations. People around you who have not lived your reality will dare to give their opinion on your attitudes and decision.

Perhaps many friends will “take a stand” on your side. Furthermore, just because you don’t want to have a bad partner doesn’t mean you don’t want to find someone soon with whom you can be intimate, which could make you rush.

Even though we would like to end the relationship, the end can give us a feeling of emptiness. All these processes are normal so you must normalize and accept them.

Don’t forget that you have made the bravest and most mature decision of your life.which you will always appreciate.