“Who am I?” The Answer to Your Life’s Most Definitive Question

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“Who am I?”

How many times have you asked yourself this question?

How many times have you wondered why you should be on this earth?

How many times have you questioned your own existence?

For me, the answer is countless times.

And the question itself makes me ask more questions: How can I know who I am? Why do I need to know who I am? Will any answer satisfy me?

When these questions overwhelm me, I find myself inspired by this quote from the Indian sage Ramana Maharshi:

The question “who am I?” does not aim to obtain an answer, the question “who am I?” it is intended to dissolve the questioner.

Ramana Maharshi

How can dissolving my identity help me discover who I am?

Let’s try to find out…

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Who am I = what is my identity?

The “answer” to “who am I” is our identity.

Our identity is our comprehensive system of memories, experiences, feelings, thoughts, relationships and values that define who each of us is.

It is the material that makes up an “I”.

Our identity is a critical component to understanding who we are. Because? Because we can divide identity into components (memories, experiences, feelings, thoughts, relationships and values).

These components we can identify and understand. Then, once we understand the components of our identity, we can have an overview of who we are.

In short: we are much more than one thing. We are a whole system of ideas and experiences.

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Our need for identity

“Who am I?” is at the heart of one of our most basic needs: our need for identity.

We, as living beings, seek and find comfort in a solid sense of self. This grounds us. It gives us confidence. And our sense of self affects everything in our lives – from the choices we make to the values ​​we live by.

According to psychologist Célio Monteiro:

“Identity is related to our core values ​​that dictate the choices we make (eg relationships, career, etc). These choices reflect who we are and what we value.”

Wow! Our identities are almost avatars of the values ​​and principles we hold. Our identity is a reflection of what we believe, what we do and what we value.

How powerful! 😮

However, our sense of self can be compromised by external factors.

How is this possible? Well, Dr. Celio explains:

“Few people choose their identities. Instead, they simply internalize the values ​​of their parents or dominant cultures (eg, pursuit of materialism, power, and appearance). Unfortunately, these values ​​may not align with the authentic self and create an unsatisfying life.”

This is what can cause problems.

Here is the painful truth: much of our identity has been imposed on us. This inorganic identity makes us experience a tremendous amount of stress.

Because? 🤔

Because we know that “this identity” is false. It is something that was required of us.

The problem is that we don’t know what our “organic” identity is.

And that’s why we ask so much, “Who am I?”

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How to find out who you are and what you’re doing here

One of the biggest things holding us back from discovering who we are is that many of us have no real personal power. This can leave us frustrated, disconnected and dissatisfied.

So what can you do to find out who you are and what you’re doing here?

Start with yourself. Stop looking for people to tell you how to think or what to do.

The more you look for external validation to resolve your life, the further you stray from learning to live your life in alignment with a deeper sense of inner purpose.

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The roles we play

To make things more difficult for ourselves, we each have multiple identities – children, partners, parents, friends.

We divide and compartmentalize our identities into “roles”. And we play these “roles” in different circumstances.

Each role, says psychologist Célio Monteiro, has “its meanings and expectations that are internalized as an identity”.

When we play these roles, we internalize them as if they were our real selves.

We’re all actors, taking on a dozen roles. Except the problem is, we fool ourselves into believing these papers are real.

This conflict, along with the need to find our authentic selves, is the cause of much of our unhappiness. This conflict is called an “identity crisis”.

“Often, faced with an identity crisis, many end up adopting darker identities, such as drug abuse, compulsive shopping, or gambling, as a compensatory method of experiencing vitality or avoiding depression and meaninglessness.”

Struggling to find out who we are can have serious side effects. That’s why it’s important to discover the answer to the question “who am I?” Because the alternative is “depression and meaninglessness”.

People who have successfully found their authentic self are much happier and more content. This is because they are “able to live a life true to their values ​​and pursue meaningful goals”.

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How can I find out “who am I?”

How can I separate my true identity from that given to me by my family and that shaped by society?

It is essential to find out who you are. When you are sure of your identity, your life becomes more meaningful, joyful and purposeful.

There are 5 key steps you can take to help answer the question “who am I?”

These steps are backed by experts and will help you establish your identity so you can live a life full of purpose.

Here are 5 ways to answer the question “who am I?”

1. Reflect

To quote the King of Pop, “I’m starting with the man in the mirror”.

And this advice rings true. You need to reflect on yourself whenever you are venturing into self-discovery.

That means you have to examine yourself – all your strengths, flaws, impressions you give others, everything.

You have to critically engage with the reflection you present.

You have to be your inspector. You have to look at your whole being as a house, and dive deep into that foundation.

Ask yourself, who are you now? What are your strengths? Your flaws?

Do you like who you see in the mirror?

Do you think “who you are” doesn’t match “who you see?”

How does this make you feel?

Identify in which areas of your life you are unhappy. See what you think could be better – mentally, emotionally and physically.

Take your time and put band-aids on all problems. This step is not about quick fixes. It’s not even about changing anything.

Instead, it’s about sitting down with yourself and understanding where you are.

Once you have a good understanding of yourself, you can move on to step two.

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2. Decide who you want to be

First of all: you will not be a perfect person. There is no such thing as a perfect person. You have to accept the fact that you will never be perfect.

But on the path of self-discovery, you must accept that there are things you need to improve on.

And improvement is possible!

So for step two, what you need to do is identify who you want to become.

And be honest with yourself about what’s possible. Being Superman isn’t what we’re looking for, is it?! 😅

Let’s take a page from Dr. Jordan B. Peterson, 12 Rules For Life:

“Start with yourself. Take care. Refine your personality. Choose your destiny and articulate your Being.”

Who is your ideal person? Is someone kind, strong, intelligent, brave? Are you a person who is not afraid of a challenge? Are you a person who can open up to love?

Whoever that dream person is, define them. Define who you want to be. That’s step two.

3. Make better choices

Make better choices… for yourself.

The truth is, most of us are programmed to make choices out of fear. We instinctively make an easy choice based on anxiety, a desire to please someone, or because we don’t want to try too hard.

These choices do only one thing: continue the status quo.

And if you’re not happy with who you are, with your current status quo, these choices don’t help at all.

These choices, then, are the bad choices.

But you can choose better for yourself. You can make “active decisions”.

Choice means that you are free to do or not to do something because you have decided on your own.

To activate conscious choice, you first need to determine what really matters to you. What strengths are you proud of? What tasks do you like the most? What dreams keep haunting you? What would you do if you had no obligations or people to please? Take time to sort your desires.

Once you know what you want, and once you know who you want to be; you can take the time to make active, conscious choices that help you be better.

How are these choices?

Well, let’s say your dream version of yourself is a marathon runner. This active choice means choosing to get off the couch, tie your shoes and… run! 🏃‍♀️

Maybe you want to go back to school or graduate from college. That means choosing the course and enrolling, choosing to ask for letters of recommendation, and starting to study.

Once you make decisions that align with your values ​​and what you want, you will begin to feel empowered to discover your true identity.

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4. Explore your passions

One of the best parts of discovering the answer to “who am I” is discovering parts of you that you never knew.

Sure, you’ve discovered who you “want to be” and you’ve done a great job of “looking in the mirror,” but there will always be parts of you that are more hidden.

And it’s your job to discover them 😉

One of the best ways to discover yourself is explore your passions.

When you get involved in things you’re…