When you long too much for something that doesn’t come

Many times you do not get what you long for too much because perhaps what that excess of desire reveals is that there is an unconscious reality, of which you have not taken charge and that stands between you and what you want to achieve.

If you realize, there are many situations in life in which you want something with all your might, and even, You make great efforts to achieve it, but it doesn’t happen.. It seems that if you long for something too much, it goes away. Very often, when you stop wanting that goal so intensely, suddenly, one day, that possibility opens up that allows you to achieve it.

When you long too much for something to happen, or for something to arrive, already you enter a state of restlessness and certain dissatisfaction. The hours seem like days to you and the days seem like years. You try to use all the patience you have available, but you can’t get what you dream about so much out of your head. Sometimes it is a love, other times a job, or money, or the recovery of your health… It becomes urgent to achieve it and you feel that a good part of your well-being depends on achieving it.

That situation in which you long for something too much and it doesn’t come is, so to speak, the opposite pole of chance . You can’t make reality align with your desire. You do what is necessary and, for one reason or another, what you expect does not end up happening. What is all this about? How can it be explained, from a psychological point of view?

«If you want to build a ship, do not start by looking for wood, cutting boards or distributing the work, but you must first evoke in men the longing for a free and wide sea».

-Antoine de Saint-Exupéry-

Why do you long for too much?

The first question you should ask yourself is why you crave something too much. The key here is in the word “too much.”. This excess reveals that you have constructed circumstances that have led you to a pressing situation. There is a very strong need and satisfying it is assumed to be a decisive factor for your well-being. You feel that that “something” that you are eagerly searching for is illusorily essential for your well-being.

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So, the first question revolves around If really what you long for too much has the power transformer that you give. Some believe that a great love will free them from loneliness, sadness or isolation. Others believe that a great job will give meaning to their lives. There are also those who feel that if they had a lot more money, their problems would end, or that if they overcame a certain health condition their life would pass peacefully.

That exercise of putting the source of all happiness in something, it usually leads to distortions. The usual thing is that it is the cause and consequence of a process of idealization. Deep down, it starts from the idea that there is a full state of life, a paradise, that must be achieved. Supposedly, not achieving it is what causes us displeasure. The object of our desire represents that paradise in our mind. Human beings are given to that.

Why doesn’t what you long for come?

The question of why we don’t achieve what we want can have many answers. A first approximation leads us to conclude that sometimes we simply wish what does not exist. Many times we remain trapped in impossible desires and unrealizable fantasies, such as being rescued or acquiring something external that gives weight to our existence.

May the love of another human being resolve our lack of self-love. Or that social recognition gives us the sense of transcendence that we do not have. Perhaps the life we live and have built until now suddenly disappears and becomes an existence without the shortcomings or errors we have been burdened with until now.

Read Also: Letter to self-love: I am me. You are you.

Although it is politically correct to say that “everything can be achieved”, the truth is that this is not the case. There are goals that are impossible to achieve and it is important to recognize them.. We cannot, for example, live forever. Nor is it possible to prevent suffering from coming into our lives. Likewise, there are great feats that can indeed be achieved, but they often require long processes and constant and very well directed efforts.

There is also what Jung called “synchronicity.” Circumstances are created that coincide with the unconscious processes that we experience.. Sometimes we just look at our rational mind and see that there is a great desire, but it does not materialize into an achievement.

Maybe we unconsciously want something else and, in the end, that is what we achieve. Human beings are so complex that they often even want to suffer. Of course, that’s what he achieves, but he doesn’t realize how he managed to achieve it.