When they tell you “you can’t do it”, respond “watch me do it”

You are a unique and valuable person just for being human, but sometimes you forget. Just like everyone. We often insist on believing that other people’s opinions, judgments or premonitions of others are the true realities and we tend to buy them and make them our own. This happens because we think that others are worth more than us, and therefore everything they say must be true and accepted without discussion.

When we turn this way of seeking approval from our environment into a habit, we reinforce our low self-esteem over and over again. This happens because we do not allow ourselves to try to lead a life in which our desires or values ​​have relevant weight.

We need others to give us approval for almost everything we undertake, want or dream of. Furthermore, if that approval does not occur, we block ourselves and stop doing the life we ​​really want to do. Self-esteem, which is becoming smaller and smaller, remains stagnant and at the expense of the outside applauding us or recognizing us. If this is not the case, we will tend to think that it is better to abandon what we want because it is “nonsense” and that is when our life turns gray.

You can not

What does this phrase mean exactly? When someone tells us “you can’t do it” they are trying to say that our abilities are not adequate for what we intend to do, that we are not up to the task or that we have too many limitations to undertake. But the question is, how can you know this if we haven’t even tried?

Some people think that past experiences determine what will happen if I encounter a similar situation today. That’s partly how intuition works, and it’s true that sometimes it works, but not always. Sometimes this intuition is born from an unrealistic thought: the person of yesterday is not the same as the person of today nor the person of tomorrow.

Playing at being a fortune teller is not a good strategy to live freely, but it is even less so to believe other people’s guesses. If “you can’t” becomes an excuse for not doing what we want, then we will be agreeing with that person who thinks so negatively about us. We will not try, and therefore we will confirm that we have not been able to.

But deep down you know that you have the qualities, the ability and the desire. The problem is that this need for approval holds you back and you feel that if you are not encouraged from the outside, you will not be able to achieve it. It is at this point where you have to change the chip and use your two ears: one as an entry route and the other as an escape route.

Starting today, you can. You will stop paying attention to external opinions, although you will respect them and in some cases you will look for them because you will feel disoriented. However, the direction of the great highways of your life will be decided by you: you are the only one who will really live it.

Watch how I do it

Confidence in our own abilities is part of self-efficacy: a variable that influences all our actions and is highly conditioned by what we think about ourselves. A thought that in turn encompasses a lot of more specific thoughts that are related to the power of action that we have in the different fields of our lives.

Realistic thoughts about oneself feed the emotion of security and confidence in ourselves. In turn, the actions we carry out have the power to reinforce those thoughts.

By moving any of the gears, the rest will tend to move as well. Therefore, a good way to gain confidence to live, do or undo free from external evaluations is to put assertiveness into practice: that ability to assert ourselves apart from our environment, but always respecting it.

The feeling that assertiveness leaves in your body is so pleasant that not practicing it is a waste of time, whether you act aggressively towards the world or if you say “yes” to everything, and pay attention to everything that others say. without questioning it. In both senses, self-esteem and self-efficacy are conspicuous by their absence.

For this reason, when any person around you – and when I say anyone I am also talking about important people, such as a partner, mother, father, brother… – tells you that you are not capable, that you will never achieve it or that you should go down into the world and Put your feet on the ground, do yourself a favor not to get angry, nor to adopt their way of thinking.

Do yourself the great favor of responding: “Watch how I do it.” I will try with all my might. It could turn out good or bad, I can’t know that yet, nor can you. It doesn’t matter if it works or not, if I succeed or not, the important thing is that I won’t be left wanting to have tried it and I will also try to enjoy the journey to the goal as much as possible. If defeat appears, I will accept it; If triumph comes my way, I will savor it. But I will never stop trying to realize my dreams.”

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