When an ex rebuilds his life

When an ex rebuilds their life and it hurts us that they were able to turn the page, it is due to a simple reason: we are the ones who are still stuck in that personal chapter. Not having adequately mourned and accepted the situation places us in the complex territory of suffering. It is necessary to become aware of this fact and know how to let go in a mature and conscious way.

It should be said without a doubt that these types of dynamics and personal realities are very common. Seeing how our partner begins a new stage with another person can be painful.. However, this pain must be specific and momentary. We must assume that each one takes their own paths, that life moves forward and that our only responsibility is to rebuild our daily lives in happiness.

If we are not able to do so, helplessness, stagnation, and the reopening of emotions and wounds that should have healed and closed long ago come. Let us therefore see what we should do in these situations.

When an ex rebuilds his life and the associated pain

Why does it hurt us so much when an ex rebuilds his life? Feeling pain is normal, prolonging the suffering chronically is not. It is also not healthy or permissible to accumulate feelings of anger and spite. These emotions stagnate us even more in those negative states where, in many cases, we can lead to depression.

An emotional relationship is built through a very deep emotional connection. The brain is not skilled at assuming changes, especially if they have to do with personal relationships and love. Likewise, as revealed by a study carried out by the Medical University of South Carolina, Charleston, The brain assumes these ruptures as a real wound or burn.

The pain is therefore real, and as such, it must heal.. Only in this way will we allow ourselves to restart once again to cross to another stage with more integrity, less suffering and greater personal growth.

Going through the grieving stage is essential

It may take us weeks, months or even years, but the truth is that we all need to go through that stage called “grief.” (It has the same name as when someone very close dies because it means that we must accept that that person will no longer be by our side). It doesn’t matter who decided that the relationship ended, even for those who have “taken the big step” of separating, it is a stage to go through.

This period serves to adapt to the new reality, understand that life is different now and that everything that happened has a reason and an explanation. That is, for accept that no pain lasts forever and that you can move on even if that individual is no longer part of our present or our future. He simply stayed “halfway” and is now another piece of the past.

After grieving, it is advisable to go back to doing what we like, focus on our feelings and of course learn from the mistakes made.. No one can guarantee that, even when we believe that we are already “cured”, we will have relapses or moments of sadness associated with the loss, but the truth is that with the passage of time the wounds heal.

The detrimental effect of social networks during grief

Social networks can hinder the grieving process, as they feed the temptation to want to know everything about the other person’s life. Now With the different online social interaction platforms it is almost impossible to completely separate yourself from a person. We can even develop an obsession with wanting to know everything about our ex.

This dynamic can consume us to the point of developing masochistic behaviors., where we visit all the profiles that have to do with our ex-partner, just to see how happy he is, while we are still alone, angry and sad. Believe it or not, this ends up becoming a vice that is very difficult to get out of.

It is because of that, To navigate and overcome grief appropriately, we must avoid any contact with profiles that refer to our ex-partner. It doesn’t have to be forever, but until we feel like we’ve gotten over the breakup.

For psychiatrist Graciela Moreschi, social networks can make mourning endless and she states:

If I’ve already grieved, why are my feelings still so intense?

Nobody says that it is easy to pass this exam… When an ex rebuilds his life it is normal to experience some type of emotion. Thus, realities such as sadness or acceptance are common and even permissible. What’s more, sometimes a word, a memory, a photograph, an encounter is enough to rekindle memories. Digging so deep into our emotions and pulling out memories from the most distant chest can make even the strongest person falter.

When we find out that our ex-partner has rebuilt his life and has started a new relationship, the feelings “trigger” and we don’t really understand why. “If I have already forgotten him… why does it bother me?”, “Has he removed me from his heart so quickly?”, “How can it be that he has rebuilt his life before me?”, “Now I have no hope of get him back”. These are just some of the most common questions regarding this situation that many have gone through.It is understood that by having a new partner everything else has been left in the past and that is not so. There are many who try to forget about an ex with another relationship, there are those who even consider that they cannot live alone or that they need someone to be happy.

All of these are highly complex and unhealthy situations that should invite us to reflect.

After grieving, you must “train” your thoughts

Grief relieves the emotional part and promotes acceptance of what happened. However, as we have already pointed out, it is common to sometimes experience certain discouragement and sadness when seeing our ex rebuilding his life. So, As revealed by a study carried out at the University of Missouri, St. Louis and published in the J.ournal of Experimental Psychology, The most effective thing after grieving is to carry out certain cognitive strategies. They are the following:

Telling ourselves that it is okay to still “feel something” for our partner. It is a way to nourish a positive vision without falling into hatred or contempt.It is necessary to repeat something very simple to ourselves: our ex is past. To live in the past is to suffer and we do not deserve a life of suffering. We must look to the future, for our dignity, health and well-being.Stop Obsessive Thoughts: Stop the Flow of Pain. This mental strategy is essential. Constantly thinking about that person is meaningless. We must focus on the present, distracting the mind and placing our gaze on new illusions.

Seeing your ex as a couple is good news

So, as you are reading it: if your ex rebuilds his life it is a positive thing. As much as it may be difficult for you to recognize or accept it, the fact that your ex has already formed a couple is excellent.. Maybe you don’t see it that way and you continue to criticize yourself for everything you’ve done wrong, maybe you don’t understand how he “replaced” you so quickly or even that news has “warned you” that you haven’t completely forgotten it yet.

If you have not yet been able to find a person according to your tastes, do not be mortified, do not believe that you are worse than anyone else and do not compare yourself with what happens to your ex. Take advantage of this time alone to get to know yourself better, to heal the wounds of the past.to understand what is happening inside you and to focus on the future.

If, on the other hand, you are already in a relationship and it has also bothered you to know that your ex is in a relationship, perhaps it is not because you are still in love with that person but because of what is known as a “narcissistic wound.”

What does this mean? A “low blow” to our self-esteem that forces us to accept that there is someone else occupying a place that was previously ours. Jealousy? Envy? A little of both! Try to think coldly and not put your feelings before your thoughts. That we all have the right to be happy and share our moments with someone special!

You might be interested…