“You are doing well”: a necessary recognition that drives us

You’re doing it right. It doesn’t matter what others say or what some think of you for the decisions made, for what you have left behind and for doing things your way, with your passion, your style, your charisma. Everything will be fine, even if sometimes you have doubts, understand that life is a process, and as long as you have complete confidence in yourself, the course will continue its path in harmony, in tranquility.

These types of reflections are what we often want (and partly need) to hear from someone.. Needing it does not mean, by any means, that we seek to be validated by second people or that we doubt ourselves. Sometimes, recognition, a simple positive reinforcement at the right time and at the right moment, acts as an emotional caress and as a vital impulse.

For example, the phrase “you are doing well” is essential in a child’s personal universe. Praise is actually much more than simple positive reinforcement, in the purest style of operant conditioning. It is a way of encouraging the little one to continue, to move forward, while we nourish his self-esteem, his confidence and his sense of security. At the same time, it also stands as an expression that focuses on the process… rather than the result itself.

Likewise, and beyond that childhood stage, Adults also need this type of positive interaction from time to time where, on the one hand, personal recognition is contained, and on the other, support. For example, it is needed by the mother or father who carries out the complex work of raising and educating a child every day. It is needed by that person who at a given moment decides to make a change in her life and someone from her close circle does not hesitate to tell her that her decision is correct, that this step is an act of bravery on the part of the person. her…

The different types of personal support that we can find on a daily basis

Most of us already wear our adult shoes. They fit us perfectly and we feel lighter than ever, although yes, the soles may be worn from so much road traveled, from so many stones found and puddles crossed throughout our life. However, on this journey, in which we still have a lot of experiences to live there is one aspect that still continues to affect us in very diverse ways.

We speak without a doubt about the support, consideration and closeness we receive from our loved ones.. We could say that “it does not affect us”, that we have reached a point in our personal development where the words spoken by others are like the stale air that sometimes occupies an unventilated room… and that we open the window, to let go. , and breathe easy again. However, no matter how much we want it, this is not always the case. What our parents or siblings say sometimes hurts. The comments of friends and our partners matter to us.

Hence, sometimes hearing a “you’re doing well” is so appreciated and reaffirms if there is room for a little more in that relationship, in that bond. Therefore, We are sure that throughout our lives we will have encountered these three types of personal support, which we now move on to develop.

People who help, people who enable and people who hinder

Niall Bolger is a researcher at the Department of Psychology at Columbia University, an expert in conducting studies on personal relationships and their impact on our psychological well-being. In one of his works he showed that the way in which our closest circle gives us help or support can be based on three types of dynamics.

People who enable. We must be clear, whoever “enables” does not support. Those who enable seek above all to tell us how to do things well according to their desires, beliefs or values. They are friends, family or partners who, far from understanding our perspectives or accepting our desires or choices, seek to “enable” us to fit into their personal universes.People who make it difficult. Another type of interaction and bond style is that of that person who convinces us at all times that he wants the best for us, but at the same time engages in behaviors that hinder us. It is that profile, where there is no shortage of expressions like “You are doing it right, but keep in mind that you have made mistakes in the past and it is very possible that you will do it again.” either “Understand me, since I love you and appreciate you, I think it is better that you not continue with that person”…People who help. Dr. Bolge, responsible for this study, defined a third type of relationship, and considered it the most important of all. They are people who not only have the innate ability to say the most accurate thing at the moment of greatest need, but also provide us with “invisible support.” That is to say, Sometimes, we don’t need to have that person close to know that we have all their support, their interest, their affection…

You’re doing it right because…

We know that these verbal and emotional reinforcements from our people are useful on many occasions. They help us move forward. However, we cannot forget that We too must encourage ourselves, validate ourselves, inject ourselves with motivation and appropriate emotional caresses. to find that vital energy with which to face the day to day.

Therefore, it will never hurt to reflect on these phrases and internalize them:

You are doing well because finally, you are managing to live in harmony with your essences, with your values ​​and needs. It doesn’t matter that sometimes you have difficult moments, because that is the cost of being consistent with yourself. You are doing it right because Every day is a small victory, because you achieve something newsomething that enriches you. You are doing well because you have left behind things, people and dynamics that hurt you, that offered you neither balance nor happiness.You are doing well because living is daring, it is getting moving and not stopping. Happiness is a process and you are on the right path, the path that you yourself have chosen.

Let’s put this type of mental approach into practice. After all, it costs nothing and you achieve a lot.

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