Whatsapp And Relationships: What To Do With The Read Confirmation Dilemma?

A message of “good morning, I miss you” or “how is your day?” are simple gestures that help to strengthen the relationship. Now, the frenzy of the couple and WhatsApp with the dependence on this double blue check can, at times, lead us to extreme situations, to dynamics of absolute control, to discussions based on misunderstandings that can end up destroying the relationship.

A recent study published in the journal computers on human behavior revealed an aspect that shows us to what extent our relationships are changing.

In this study, a survey was carried out for the American population between 18 and 45 years old about the importance of messaging services in their daily lives and, specifically, in the relationship with the partner.

The result could not be more conclusive: the use of WhatsApp is fundamental for living together in the relationship.

Text messages are an indispensable form of communication for most of us. We use this channel in our family, at work, with friends and especially in our dating/marriage.

This immediacy in the response and this closeness that it gives us reinforce relationships that are (especially) in the falling-in-love phase.

However, things seem to get complicated when we strengthen this bond and reach the stage of coexistence or consolidation.

Using WhatsApp can make or break our relationships completely.

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WhatsApp and relationship: how does it affect us?

Text messages are delicately intimate but distant at the same time. They reinforce the relationship, give us a love boost at the times of day when we need it most, and they also enrich the bond with the person we love.

We cannot, therefore, obscure its magic, turn off its charm, or criticize its usefulness, because it has it. However, and here comes the inevitable “but”, something that couples therapists are seeing more and more is that this combination between WhatsApp and the relationship is often a double-edged sword.

Many of the difficulties, misunderstandings and problems are the direct result of that hyperconnected environment in which we are submerged.

Digital channels have a curious feature: whether we believe it or not, they are a mirror in which our authentic personality is reflected. There our fears and obsessions are channeled, there our ability to respect or not and also our emotional maturity.

To understand better, we just have to reflect on all the ways in which whatsapp affects our relationship.

Ways WhatsApp can influence the health of your relationship:

• Constant contact: We can start our relationship by sending messages every half hour. Most likely, at some point, it will be impossible for us to maintain this flow of communication. The moment this happens, some of the members may start to suspect, panic and wonder if something is not right.
• Our endurance is tested. This symbiosis between WhatsApp and the partner is always tested with the famous double blue check. Leaving a message as read and not responding arouses suspicion. Send a message at 6 pm and arrive at 6:15 pm without seeing that the double check generates frustration and anger in many people.
• Who is online? Seeing that our partner is online, imagining they are talking to someone who is not us, involves situations as bizarre as they are conflicting. There are people who stop being productive in their work being always aware of the moments of connection of their partners.
• Whatsapp is not a good channel for effective communication. As much as we believe, this mechanism often leads to constant misunderstandings. A fact that doesn’t happen very often when we are face to face, to be able to decipher this basic non-verbal and emotional communication in every relationship.
• Passive-aggressive behaviors. There are many studies that reveal this fact: the use of WhatsApp is an ideal channel to demonstrate passive-aggressive behaviors in which to manipulate the other, from harassment to disconnection, and thus generate situations as painful as they are not very assertive and immature.

Social networks, as well as the use of messaging services, are channels where our insecurities are unconsciously reflected, generating cognitive responses based on jealousy, suspicion and obsessive thoughts loaded with distrust.

When we carry our love in our pocket

The fact that we have a cell phone or a computer does not allow us to take advantage of it and, especially, of messaging services such as whatsapp. Not when their use moves through a channel we don’t always control: the emotional. We carry our partners in our pockets, love in the 21st century is portable and we don’t always make good use of it.

The fault, therefore, is not in the new technologies or in the constant advances of this sector. It’s us, the people who don’t move in tune with these fabulous resources that, after all, are there to make our lives easier.

Currently, the combination of whatsapp and relationship demonstrates once again our insecurities, our most immaterial and dark voids, those that lead us to distrust each other and turn envy into a weapon of mass destruction through messages, audios and emoticons.

Let’s avoid these situations. Let’s do it by educating our young people better, let’s also make this resource an enriching mechanism for our relationships, starting with ourselves. Working our emotions, our trust in each other and understanding that authentic communication, the most satisfying, is the one that is done through the eyes and not through a double blue check.

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