What you say does not define you as a person, but what you do

It is likely that many times we have been surprised and even disappointed by the behaviors of others. This usually means a before and after for us, since feeling disappointed is a hard blow that is difficult to accept.

When this happens, it may even be difficult for us to specify or define the reason or reasons why what someone has done or said has impacted us so much. The point is that we get the feeling that they have tried to mask their true intentions through words.

The truth is that in this sense the vast majority of people are quite incoherent, since we usually promise things that we do not think about, that we cannot or that we do not want to fulfill. We may not even realize these nonsense and that we simply say what we believe is socially acceptable without stopping to think if we really mean it.

We do not define ourselves by what we say, but by how we behave

Be that as it may, the fish dies through the mouth. We have to understand this in the sense that we can say what we want, but always taking into account what we really feel and whether we are going to be able to carry it out.

In fact, I would say that thank goodness that most of us do not define ourselves by what we say, because otherwise We would live in a world too ideal to be true. That is to say, it would be as perfect as it is false.

In any case, although the world would be too boring if we were all perfect, it is true that we have to seek to reach an intermediate point in which not everything is premeditated or stops being so. In this sense, We must try to be as complete and coherent as possibletaking care not to harm others or fail our authenticity.

Don’t be afraid of not knowing others

Sometimes we insist on forming an image of others that torments us. Generally people are not white or black, but rather they are dyed in many colors at all times.

We tend to behave too rigidly when we value others, which causes us to be frequently disappointed. However, it is common that we do not stop to analyze ourselves, making the mistake of thinking that our mistakes are less serious and more temporary.

The solution lies, in part, in detaching ourselves from all those expectations that make us punish ourselves by expecting things from others that will never come. In fact, we probably don’t even know what we expect when we assume that someone will act as we would.

Holding on to expectations of how others should behave is an act that is usually involuntary but can lead to great suffering. Since when their behavior does not fit with what we had projected in them, we will feel disappointed. However, We must be aware that in reality, it was not the other person who failed us.. But our ironclad belief that she would never behave the way she has.

We are beings of impulses…

The truth is that it is not so easy to be consistent when at any given moment most of us may be blinded by the will of our emotions. This is a possibility that is always present and that constantly threatens us.

In any case, let’s not fool ourselves, we have to work to manage our emotions in such a way that we prevent them from playing tricks on us in the worst moments.

So, in any case, in addition to not defining ourselves by what we say, neither may how we behave. We have to try to evaluate each situation globally. and not let ourselves down so lightly with others or with ourselves. The context plays a fundamental factor in most cases. To evaluate a behavior, it is necessary to take into account the context in which that behavior has developed.. How many times have we asked ourselves: “why did I do that? I did not want to”.

So, ultimately, sometimes, we are not what we do either. Sometimes we allow ourselves to be carried away by inadequate external and internal circumstances. We become a rudderless sailboat dragged by the wind and waves lost in the middle of the sea.

We don’t have to punish ourselves or feel guilty excessively, but we should avoid telling stories and building pipe dreams. I mean, It is one thing that it is human to err, and it is quite another to deceive, so we cannot excuse one in the other.

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