The simple exercise proposed by A.Ellis to get rid of shame

Shame is an emotion that is activated every time we think that we have violated a social norm. It fulfills a powerful function of social regulation: thanks to it, we have ensured group acceptance and, consequently, survival for millions of years.

There are times when we have to face a situation that poses a risk to us because we know that it is very likely that we will be embarrassed. Are we going to be rejected by the social group? Probably not, but we mistakenly think so and, furthermore, we add the terrible label to this improbable fact.

There are two ways to free ourselves from dysfunctional shame: one is to convince ourselves, through internal dialogue, that we have no evidence to anticipate the disapproval of our environment and that, if we did, we do not need everyone’s acceptance either. The other is risk embarrassment and do it voluntarily. In this sense, the cognitive psychologist Albert Ellis designed a series of exercises aimed at achieving unconditional self-acceptance.

Albert Ellis’ Attack on Shame Exercises

What Albert Ellis intended to achieve through these exercises is that the person who carried them out realized that personal value is unalterable. Whatever we are or whatever we act, our value will always remain the same.

If we value ourselves – and also others – based on the fact of being, of having an existence, it will be very difficult for us to deprive ourselves of being ourselves. This way We will not be so in need of social approval, which will make us more authentic people.

In general, we have been taught to feel shame whenever we do something that society has labeled as reprehensible. When we experience that shame, we are actually telling ourselves that we are despicable beings.that we will never know how to act otherwise, that no one will love us and an endless number of irrational and bitter internal phrases that only manage to bring us down.

So that this does not happen, Ellis proposes that we think about something that within the framework of our culture may seem ridiculous. so that it does not precisely contribute to improving our image. You already have it? Once you have thought about it and it is possible to put it into practice, without thinking twice, you have to take action and do it.

The worst thing that can happen is to get rejection from others, but let’s think about it carefully. Has rejection killed anyone? What does it mean that the other person does not approve of me as I am? Who has the problem, the other person or me?

Some exercises that Albert Ellis shows us as examples are walk a banana down the street as if it were our pet. It would be about talking to him, caressing him, pulling him with a rope…

Another exercise is stop someone on the street and tell them that you just got out of the asylum And you would like to know what year we are in. We can also choose to bring out our best voice and sing in the middle of the street that song that we like so much or dress in an extravagant way.

Whatever you choose, it has to be something that really triggers your shame. Something is not worth something that doesn’t actually give you that feeling. The idea is that you learn to tolerate it and relativize what is going to happen.

You may be surprised…

Surely you are thinking: “I wouldn’t do this in my life, they would call me crazy!”… and you may be right, but the surprising thing is that not many people will do it. We tend to create non-existent catastrophes in the form of whirlpools of thoughts. Thus, we come to believe that everyone is going to reject usthat we will never be approved, that it will be terrible, that the rejection of others will undoubtedly mean that we are worms, etc.

It is true that Some people will look at us negatively and others will even insult us.but if we look closely, they are usually people whose faces show dissatisfaction, sadness… That is, they are already bad with life, it has nothing to do with you.

However, other people – the majority – will laugh with us, some will even join our little show and they will not judge us harshly. We can even make new friends.

Let’s not forget that at the end of the day others are people too. They also make mistakes and make fools of themselves sometimes, they make mistakes, they rectify them, they feel emotions, etc. If they judge you, it will only be their problem, never yours.. As long as you don’t hurt anyone you are free to act as you please. Can you think of any good exercises to attack your shame? Do you dare to do it?

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