Is revenge served cold?

“Revenge is a dish best served cold,” says the popular saying, but Does it really do us any good to take revenge on someone? When something bad happens to us (or to a loved one), we may think that the only way to close the matter is to repay the damage caused through revenge. And it is not precisely like that.

The thirst for revenge

We have all experienced, at least once in our lives, that “thirst for revenge.” that appears when we are hurt, when an injustice is committed or when we are victims of humiliation. It seems that it is easier to accumulate hatred and want revenge than to learn to forgive.

Another popular saying that has to do with revenge is: “eye by eye, tooth by tooth”. We could also talk about one that says “an eye for an eye, the world will go blind.” And this last one is totally true. If we feel we have the right to retaliate in the face of harm, we will never feel better. Because This action does not solve things, but rather makes them worse.

For hundreds of years, revenge has been talked about as something unconscious and negative at the same time. Of course, because experiencing that desire to hit, to answer, to rebuke or to “make pay” the person who did something It goes beyond justice, at least a justice that is administered by someone impartial. We believe that hitting, talking back, scolding or making people pay will make us feel better.although that is very far from reality.

We do not realize the repercussions of revenge because it is a deep and visceral instinct. It is shown that Something instinctive does not always lead to a successful outcome, because it does not allow us to think clearly.

Revenge has a protective function

Sociologists, who analyze people’s behaviors throughout history, say that revenge has a protective function within a community. In other words, it could be one of the many defense mechanisms that we have “in our catalog” to avoid facing what is really happening or to avoid confrontations where we could end up more hurt.

With few exceptions, revenge does not bring us benefits, but instead serves to cause pain to others and ourselves. And it is good to know that “revenge” is not a synonym for “justice”, because the first hides negative feelings (such as hatred or resentment) and the second has to do with paying the blame, having a sentence according to the act committed, etc

If you have experienced revenge, you can surely affirm that At the end of the counterattack you did not feel happy, perhaps a little relieved at that moment, but not at all satisfied. Because? Because revenge does not make us go back to the past and the wound that has been caused to us can only be healed by letting it go, forgiving and looking forward.

After certain studies, psychologists at Harvard and Virginia Universities were convinced that that those people who want or seek revenge focus on negative feelings, such as hatred and anger. Once they have taken revenge, this feeling does not diminish, but rather increases, becoming a “vicious circle”, a never-ending story.

In conclusion then, we must know that revenge not only hurts the one who hurt us, but also ourselves. If we feed the thirst for revenge we will be accumulating negative feelings that can cause us much more pain. Therefore, Betting on revenge is always losing. It doesn’t matter if the dish is served hot or cold, it will end up weighing us down.

Revenge does not heal; forgive, yes

Revenge does not heal the damage caused. As already mentioned, it only increases anger levels, even after consummating our “debt.” They have hurt us and we have done harm. The fruit of causing harm will never be well-being, but rather opening more of the emotional wound that we already had..

Forgiveness, learning to forgive does heal. It heals us and heals us. Many people interpret forgiveness as “dropping your pants” or letting a humiliation pass. “He has hurt me and to do nothing would be to let him win and let him get away with it,” we hear too often.

Learning to forgive means understanding that others can act wrongly.. They can make mistakes and hurt us. Forgiveness also means not making more firewood from the fallen tree. But it also means taking into account and acting accordingly. What does this mean? Prevent ourselves, but not revenge. If someone harms us, we will be more alert to future attacks, but we will not take revenge.

And above all, forgiving is being in harmony with oneself. As highlighted Echeburúa (2013), Professor of Psychology at the University of the Basque Country: “forgiveness can have positive psychological effects for the victim: not to live in torment, shake off the yoke of the past, improve health, reconcile with oneself and recover inner peace“.

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