Distrustful people: the hidden reality that explains their behavior

Behind distrustful people there is insecurity while the mechanisms of emotions act that do not allow themselves to be, which hinder and cut potential. It is possible that their behavior causes us strangeness, while something comes to mind: “Whoever does not trust is not trustworthy”. Now, it is necessary to understand how complicated it is sometimes to trust 100% in those around us.

No loneliness is more profound and painful than the lack of trust. Those who suffer from it, those who use this elusive, rigid behavior with a tendency to coldness are not exactly happy people.

Many of these profiles are the result of deep disappointment, betrayal, and the neglect of a childhood lacking attachment and affection. When the connection with those we love is broken in a traumatic way, it is difficult to re-conjugate this beautiful word: trust..

Our brain, as a social entity and basically programmed for emotional connection, suffers when it does not have access to interrelation, when it lacks, in essence, strong ties, which in turn generate spaces in which we feel cared for, loved, and valued. If this fails, if we do not perceive that positive, and above all sincere, reinforcement, our insecurity will become our own jailer.

Distrustful people are not always so by their own choice.. What’s more, this type of profile constantly lives under the veil of fear. Because if there’s one thing he fears, it’s being hurt again. Therefore, it does not hesitate to build walls around itself and place detectors so that no one crosses that line of self-protection.

Distrustful people and the weight of negative emotions

In 1861, Charles Darwin wrote a letter to a friend, one of those very special ones that would later be published in the book Autobiography and selected letters (1881). In it he literally said the following: “Today I feel very bad, I feel stupid and I hate everyone.” This phrase – almost like a childish tantrum – carried anger, resentment and frustration. Aspects that would later be analyzed by Darwin himself.

Let us remember that the famous naturalist and father of the theory of human evolution was very curious about the world of emotions. The reason he wrote that sentence was because he felt betrayed by a colleague. He had lost trust in someone and felt hurt.. This suffering translated into intense negative emotions that accompanied him for months.

In a study carried out at the University of Amsterdam and the University of Zurich they found evidence to support an idea related to what Darwin had experienced. The neurologist Jan Engelmann described this neural mechanism that defines distrustful people. According to this work, There are people who chronicle the negative emotions that arise as a result of disappointment or betrayal. and this, that constant fear, retains the person’s confidence.

The amygdala, our sentinel of fear

When a person suffers the weight of lies, disappointments, abandonment or betrayal, they fear above all, going through the same thing again.. It is true that there are those who face and manage these situations effectively. They are those people who learn from what happened, but who do not get stuck in negative emotionality, they accept what they have experienced, turn the page and open themselves to other experiences.

On the contrary, there are others who hover under the weight of negativity, in the “I feel stupid and I hate everyone” that Darwin expressed in his day. This type of situation is mediated above all by a very specific brain structure: the amygdala.It is she who places distrustful people in a state of constant hypervigilance. Almost automatically they begin to associate almost any detail with a threat. They apply categorizations, make use of biases, prejudices and an internal dialogue that is so limiting and negative that they themselves end up “intoxicated” by their own anguish and extreme distrust.

It is not easy to live this way, in this territory of absolute unhappiness.

What can we do if we feel unable to trust people again?

Distrustful people are often trapped in an agonizingly vicious cycle. They are unable to trust again those who may appear in their daily lives. In turn, your approach, your behavior and attitude, generates more rejection around you. Seeing how others distance themselves increases their discomfort even more and once again reinforces the desire to isolate themselves, to protect themselves.

Therefore, what can be done in these cases? If we respond to this same profile, what should we do to reconnect authentically with those around us? The answer is simple to say and complex to carry out: Before trusting others we must trust ourselves.

It is not an external job, it is not about improving our social skills, friendliness or our charisma. YesIt is about connecting with our broken parts, with that neglected self-esteem and the mark of that disappointment or wound from the past. that lives in us intensely.

It is a laborious work where we recover our identity, where we validate ourselves in every sense and, above all, feel worthy of experiencing happiness.

Only when we regain connection with ourselves, feeling strong and confident, will we tear down those walls that surround us to allow new access. And we will do it free of fear, knowing that Self-confidence and trust in others is that gear that makes life easier and that we should all practice responsibly..

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