Discover how assertive people resolve conflicts

Assertive people are not submissive or servile, nor do they use narcissistic or disrespectful arrogance. A fact that undoubtedly characterizes them is their solvency when it comes to resolving conflicts and differences. They are skilled profiles in defending their rights, original in relieving tensions and resolving misunderstandings with the serenity of someone who controls their emotions well.

We all know that Assertiveness is, after all, that essential ingredient capable of improving our communication style. and the quality of our relationships. We are clear about it, however, we often lack agility, energy and solvency in this strategy that whether we want it or not, it does not come from the factory.

Many of us find it a little difficult to be consistent between what we think and what we do.. Little by little we accumulate so much frustration and discomfort that at a given moment, we end up reacting in the worst possible way. Assertiveness is above all an exercise of personal dignity that must always act as a gear in any scenario of our lives.

One of them, perhaps one of the most important, is the field of relational conflicts. Whether at a work or personal level, there is always some time of the day, week or month in which We are forced to defend territories, opinions and even our own identity. Knowing how to handle these moments without falling into servility or verbal aggression is a priority.

7 keys that assertive people use to resolve conflicts

Fear of hurting others, of not knowing how to express our anger or disagreement without falling into sharp offense or reproach, fear of not having the resources to get rid of the threads of manipulation… We could give more examples of all that exhausting architecture that erodes our self-esteem when we fail to be assertive, agile when it comes to reacting and defending our rights.

It must be said that it is not easy to achieve it overnight, however, What we must be clear about is that these resources are learned, trained and applied effectively as we understand them.. Let’s see below what strategies assertive people use to face everyday conflicts.

1. Assertive people have a reason for being

We could call it dignity, self-esteem or self-love. All of us must be very clear about what is essential to us, what we must protect against all odds.what defines us, what is our reason for being and that no one should violate.

We have our values, those that no one should trample on. We have a history, a personal fabric that no other person should attack or ridicule. We have the right to have opinions, passions, to defend ideas, to be free, to act according to our identity without harming anyone... Each of these dimensions are our motives, our reasons for being.

2. Speak in the first person without fear

Often, we have a certain fear of that personal pronoun that captures our essence, reason for being and will. “I think, I believe, I think, I need”….

When assertive people resolve their conflicts They are not afraid to use that pronoun, they do not hide it or dilute it. For this reason, and as an example, they do not hesitate to start their sentences as follows: “I feel hurt, and although I understand your position, you must understand that I am offended by your attitude because you have not respected my rights, because I think that things can be fixed between you and me by speaking to each other with more sincerity and respect…”

3. They don’t beat around the bush, they describe the harmful behavior or the core problem

When it comes to resolving disagreements, managing conflicts or misunderstandings, the last thing we should do is go around making accusations, using reproaches or emphasizing exclusively how bad we feel.

You have to be direct, concise and constructive like assertive people. To do this we must focus on the crux of the problem: “I feel disappointed because you have not taken my opinion into account. I think that if we are a team it is necessary that you communicate things to me.”

4. Assertive people make clear and direct requests

Effective communication, that which uses assertiveness, knows that to resolve conflicts it is necessary to make requeststhose that promote a good resolution and that guide us towards an agreement.

Thus, something we must be clear about assertiveness is that it is not enough to just say how we feel. It is also necessary that we guide the dialogue or discussion towards a constructive end. For example:

“I don’t like being yelled at, it makes me feel bad. Next time use a less aggressive tone, a normal voice with which to communicate things to me. “I feel disappointed because you have not informed me of your idea. I ask you to keep me in mind on future occasions so that together we can achieve better projects.”

5. Accept that sometimes there may be no agreement

Assertive people know and understand that when it comes to conflicts or misunderstandings an end or agreement is not always reached between both parties. Often, the differences remain there, separating two positions, two attitudes, two behaviors.

That this is so should not despair us, nor make us even more angry. Good emotional management by assertive people in these cases allows them to accept this type of situation. After all, People are not obliged to agree on everything, to see things from the same perspective. The key is knowing how to respect other people’s perspectives.

If a conflict does not end well and the person in front of us does not argue, pay attention, or propose and simply offends and further intensifies negative emotions, it is best to put distance. This is something that assertive people are clear about and therefore, Far from falling into a meaningless dynamic, the ideal is to stay calm and walk away.

It is often said that assertiveness is the intermediate point between someone who kneels and someone who crushes their interlocutor. Assertive people move in that sphere of those who know themselves a little better every day and are more skilled at defending themselves without attacking and who also gain ingenuity. to effectively solve everyday problems.

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