I have built my life on a house of cards

I have built my life on a house of cards, although it took me a long time to realize it. I thought I had some good cards in the deck, but suddenly I lost the game. Those cards were small achievements that he thought he had achieved little by little and that, with a damn breath of air, he lost in the blink of an eye.

It had the letter of work, the letter of independence, the letter of freedom and the letter of trust. But a monster called crisis came to play with the deck. And that house of cards was shaken by a hurricane that destroyed each floor, shattering the battlements as if they were a pile of straw.

And then, I realized that it was not I who looked for those letters, but that they were given to me.

Faced with those circumstances that you did not expect, as if your life had been lost playing poker in a casino, The future you bet your savings on went flying. Nothing was certain anymore, the world became random and with it your fears appeared.

Life is a game of chance, you don’t know if today you are going to lose or win.

We play life with the cards already given

Many times we do not realize that we are playing life with the cards already given and that we are the ones who have to win the game. Chance puts us in situations that we did not seek, that hurt us, because it is something we cannot control.

Chance can be your best companion or your greatest villain. He gives you the cards, but you choose how to play them.

What can we do when the cards we have encountered in life do not favor our chances? How can we win the game at random? Mainly without losing perspective of the game of life. We can give up and let ourselves be carried away by the sadness to which the inertia of chance pushes us or we can fight the game.

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In order to fight many times we have to have different strategies that can work in our favor. So, When the cards are dealt badly, the so-called coping strategies can help us. Coping strategies are, according to Lazarus and Folkman, a set of cognitive and behavioral strategies that the person uses to manage internal or external demands that are perceived as excessive for the individual’s resources.

The game is won with coping strategies

In life we are going to encounter many difficult situations in which no matter what happens we are going to suffer, but we have to learn to accept them and live with them as another part of the game of life. Keep your pulse on pain and fear.

Coping strategies not only help us deal with stress, but also help us deal with emotions in everyday problems. But, On many occasions we do not use the appropriate strategies, and therefore we cannot face the problems. Coping strategies according to Lazarus and Folkman are of two types:

Problem-focused strategies: They are used when the problem can be addressed, either by changing the environment in which it has arisen or ourselves. The two main strategies of this type are:Confrontation: It consists of directly facing the problem.Planning in problem solving: The problem-solving technique is usually used here to find the best way to address them.Emotion-focused strategies: They are usually used when the problem cannot be intervened, because it is something that cannot be changed. What is sought is to change the emotional meaning of stress, that is, the way of treating or interpreting what is happening. These strategies are:Distancing: use denial or forget about the existence of the problem.Self-control: Do not rush into facing the problem, keep it to yourself.Acceptance of responsibility about the problem.Escape-avoidance: wait for it to resolve itself, and even use drugs as a way of coping.Positive reassessment: Ask for help or advice so that they can advise you on the problem from another point of view.

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There is a special type of coping that is seeking social support and which is considered to be part of both types, because it can be both emotional and problem-focused. This is because it depends on the use we give it or seek with that support.

Careful! Not all coping strategies are appropriate

Not all strategies proposed here are positive or appropriate in solving problems. The strategies described above are those that the authors consider the most used, but Distancing and confrontation strategies often do more harm than help.

Instead, Planning and problem-solving strategies and positive reappraisal are those considered most useful. when it comes to facing our problems since they usually give very positive results.

So, when the cards in the game of your life collapse like a poorly built castle, use the best coping strategies to solve the problems. If you don’t know how to use them, ask for psychological help to learn them so that chance and sadness do not win the game. You decide how you play the game of your life: chance only gives you the cards and you choose at each moment which one you play.