What to do when we lose someone’s trust

Relationships are complex, we are all fallible and sometimes life places us on surfaces where it is very easy to slip, make a mistake and be exposed. We have all disappointed someone and regretted it. How then to get out of such painful relational crossroads?

It should be noted that it is not easy. Few psychological fabrics are more transcendent than that which traces trust in human beings.. When it breaks, the wound does not heal with patches, plasters or hot cloths. It takes effort and will to recover the lost alliance, the violated intimacy and the expectation that something like this will not happen again.

Someone can lose the trust of their partner, their friends, their parents and even their children overnight. If there is regret for the act caused, it is vital to act as soon as possible to repair that emotional injury.. We analyze some strategies that we could carry out.

Before requesting forgiveness, let us try to reflect on what happened to ensure that this situation does not happen again.

This is what to do when we lose someone’s trust

Human beings need to move in an environment in which they feel more or less safe, where the perception of risk is low. This implies that few things are more basic than building secure and enriching affiliations. Otherwise, our brain is always alert and stressed for not having social support in which to feel safe.

This characteristic is not only present in the human sphere. In the animal world, trust is also the cornerstone in many social groups. Something illustrative could be seen in a research paper at the Max Planck Institute for Evolutionary Anthropology in Germany. Chimpanzees trust more in those figures they consider their “friends and allies.”

Our closest relatives show us how this dimension is basic for survival. We need life allies, confidants, emotional supports and individuals who, in our opinion, will never harm or betray us. However, Sometimes it happens: people fail others and bonds break.. What to do when we lose someone’s trust?

1. Analyze what happened: a much-needed act of introspection

Why has one or more people lost trust in you? Most of the time we can clarify the trigger. Sometimes, people act on autopilot without weighing the consequences of our actions or decisions. Trust is sometimes not lost, but rather neglected when we act selfishly. And this can happen to all of us.

ThereforeBefore becoming obsessed with asking for forgiveness, let’s first meditate on what happened and become self-aware. It will be of no use to us if they accept our apology if we do not fully understand our mistake. Sometimes, we are more concerned about recovering the bond with someone than learning from the mistake made. And that is not the solution.

2. Immediacy in the apology, sincerity in the error and commitment to reparation

If we have made a mistake that we regret, it is necessary to react as soon as possible. Immediacy, sincerity, assumption of guilt and willingness to make reparation are key to rebuild trust.

It is essential that we recognize the harm caused, that we assume full responsibility for what happened, and that we clarify the mechanisms that we will put in place to redress the grievance.

3. Remember: no one will trust you if you don’t trust others

No one will trust us if we don’t trust others. It is possible that we have been feeling for years that we have disappointed our environment too much. That the bonds built are never completely strong or lasting.

If this is our case, let’s think about it for a moment. Meaningful and happy relationships are built with a two-way bond, with a you give me I give you, I trust you, you trust me. Let us not be afraid to place hopes and expectations in others, let us not think that at some point we will be harmed.

Only those who expect the best from others can in turn give their best.

What if I’m always struggling to earn someone’s trust?

There are situations like that. Those in which one lives on an eternal tightrope in which at the slightest moment one falls into the void of disappointment and criticism. There are many people who spend half their lives trying to gain the trust and acceptance of others.even leaving their health in it.

It happens in those families that place high expectations on their children. The moment they depart from those perspectives set by their parents, disappointment and a breakdown in trust arise. No one can or deserves to live in that sphere of permanent anguish. Fighting daily to regain the trust of those who do not accept us as we are is exhausting and makes no sense..

Trusting the other will allow the other to also trust you.

The sense of trust

There are many things we can do when we lose someone’s trust. However, all these acts and efforts should start from a question that we must clarify: what has led me to this situation? It is true that it is very easy to make mistakes, but when we cause harm to second people it is advisable to reflect on our behavior.

On the other hand also It is good to delve deeper into what a sense of trust means to us.. There are those who do not receive it because they do not know how to offer it, and those who spend years trying to earn it from others in a desperate attempt to please. Each reality is a world and each person is a universe.

In any case, Let’s ask for professional help in case we feel like we are always letting others down. or if we notice that it is difficult for us to trust others because they have once hurt us. We all deserve to enjoy solid and rewarding relationships.

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