What to do when someone treats you badly

What to do when someone treats you badly? React? Put distance and act as if nothing happened? Few experiences are more complex and controversial than acting appropriately on a grievance. Often, they insist that the best thing to do is to turn around and tell ourselves that the problem, in reality, lies with the other person; never in us.

The latter may be true, but… What do we do with our emotions? How to handle that feeling of injustice, desolation, anger, disappointment or even fear? Sometimes it is not enough to let a negative experience go. It is not good to neglect the emotions felt in the face of a threatening circumstance.

Knowing how to act, with respect and assertiveness, will always be of valuable use to us.

When someone treats you badly: coping strategies

We are programmed to react to a threatening or dangerous situation. If this is so, it is due to the role of the cerebral amygdala. Research from Emory University highlights this characteristic. This brain region associated with stressful situations urges us to issue three responses.

When someone treats us badly, the natural response mechanism prompts us to flee, attack or stay still (freeze response).. These would be instinctive responses, those marked by our nature since time immemorial. Now, today we must use a broader and more intelligent type of response.

This implies that we cannot choose to attack. Using the law of retaliation or responding violently to those who have treated us badly only makes the situation worse. Revenge brings few benefits and only intensifies negatively valenced emotions such as anger.

What should we do? These would be some keys.

Don’t react immediately, pause to process what happened

Let’s imagine that our boss despises our work and effort. Let’s put ourselves in the situation of that couple who, at a given moment, insults us. Also in that friend who betrays our trust… They are painful and threatening experiences that urge us to react automatically, but it is not appropriate.

After a situation of contempt or negative treatment, it is advisable to process what happened calmly. This will help us analyze the situation carefully. Perhaps it will allow us to realize that, in reality, this action is not isolated and that there are already several signs of contempt on the part of a person.

Self-compassion: pain is real and there is no need to hide it

Self-compassion is a valuable strategy in difficult times. It allows us to connect with ourselves with empathy and respect, without judging ourselves.

What we feel after someone treats us badly is real and we should not repress or hide it.. Only when we accept each emotion felt will we be able to better handle that situation.

Plan next steps

Let’s not leave anything to chance. Whoever has treated us badly once can do it again and it is advisable to prepare a plan so that this does not happen again. It is advisable to think calmly and reflectively about what we can do, taking into account the following:

The objective is for the other person to become aware of what they have done. That attitude cannot be repeated. If it is repeated, we will make the consequences clear. We will explain how we felt and what effects said action has had.We will think about what kind of limits we will establish before that person.

Use assertiveness

Assertiveness is the language of clarity, respect and courage. In this way, when someone treats you badly, you cannot choose silence. Because it is very likely that there will be another violation and this one will be more serious if you do not respond. We must be assertive to defend ourselves as we deserve in an intelligent way:

We will speak calmly, safely and directly (we can rehearse beforehand). We will use the first person (I feel, I notice, I want, I need). Apply the following formula: “if X situation repeats itself, I will feel that way and it is not permissible, That’s why I need you to do (…) and if you don’t respect it, I (…)”.

In these situations it is advisable to take care of ourselves, seek positive connections with our loved ones.

After a bad experience, give yourself time for self-care

When someone treats you badly, everything hurts. Mood, self-esteem and even the perception we have of people decline. It’s like an invisible wound that discourages. Not to mention the effort we must make to act appropriately, being respectful, but clear enough so that this situation is not repeated.

After these experiences we must promote self-care. It is advisable to spend time with the people we love, share what we have experienced, let off steam and give ourselves time for calm and well-being. After all, life is full of complicated moments, but the good and happy ones are much more. We just have to look for them, offer them whenever we can.

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