What is zero contact and how does it work?

If you’ve read about grief after a breakup or are looking for how to get over one, you’ve probably come across the concept of “zero contact.” This consists of cutting off all contact and communication with the person you are breaking up with. The goal is not to restart the relationship.

And, for our emotions and thoughts, the bond does not end with the last goodbye. We are creatures of habit and the habits that are acquired with these people take a while to disappear. Part of relational grief consists of facing the absence of that person in everyday scenarios, such as saying good morning on WhatsApp or going out for a drink on the weekends.

However, why this radical solution? Is it so dangerous to greet your ex-partner after a while? The answer is “it depends.” Let’s delve deeper into the usefulness of the method, how to do it and in which cases it is recommended.

What is zero contact?

Zero contact is a technique that consists of cutting all means of contact and communication with one or more people. Although it is usually applied in the area of ​​a couple, it is also valid for other relationships, such as work, family or friendship.

The objective is to protect one’s own emotions and respect the grieving process, without external interference. It also seeks to obtain a period of calm, where you can rediscover yourself and recover from certain harmful dynamics.

Likewise, this distancing protects the individual from certain actions of the ex, such as attempts to return or toxic contacts (reproaches, emotional blackmail, etc.).

With this technique, the person has room to respect their own decision and not fall into old dynamics that could be marked by fear of loneliness or emotional dependence.

How is this technique carried out?

It is necessary to set limits to reconnect with the identity you are looking for. During the grieving process, not only are thinking dynamics and habits attenuated, but old hobbies are also resumed, reflection is made, and new people are met.

The ultimate goal is to rebuild a life that does not have even an iota of the influence of the ex-partner, both environmentally and psychologically.

To implement this strategy and make it effective, all areas of contact with the person must be covered, both physical and digital. This entails a series of measures that we will detail.

1. Cancel all means of communication

For the effectiveness of the method, It is essential to block and delete the contact from the phone and social networks, chat platforms, email and other spaces. There should be no channel of communication left with those we wish to distance from our lives.

2. Mark distance from the common environment

It is part of the process abandon, at least for a time, circles with common relationships. This way you minimize any possibility of a reunion.

3. Don’t frequent places your ex goes to

4. Isolate yourself from what happens to you

It is important Ask acquaintances, friends and family not to mention said person in conversations. Make it clear that any information related to him/her is not of interest to you.

5. Let no one talk to him about you

If required, Also request that they not give information about you to your ex. Emphasize this aspect both to your family and to that circle of friends you have in common.

During the process, it is very important to resist the urge to contact your ex again, search online about their life, or ask other people to tell you how they are.

Benefits of zero contact

Zero contact, used well, is a very effective way to achieve emotional detachment from the other person. Working towards this goal the following benefits are also obtained:

You resume activities, discover others and acquire new, healthier habits. You abandon thinking dynamics that cause the relationship to become intermittent. You address grief directly, without interference that jeopardizes emotional healing. You nip toxic behavioral patterns in the bud; both on the part of the ex and of the person who applies the method. You increase self-esteem and the feeling of achievement, as stated in an article from the University of Salamanca.

For whom is no contact recommended?

A breakup is painful for everyone, whether as a couple or any other type of relationship. Grief always exists, in any form. But An abusive, toxic or intermittent relationship leaves much deeper and more dangerous consequences, which cause trauma or depressive and anxiety disorders. In these cases, the technique of avoiding contact is more than recommended.

Apart from serious cases such as abuse, Some people with certain ways of relating also benefit. Important examples are these:

People with anxious attachment style: The fear of loneliness and the need for a bond of this style makes it more likely to retract the conviction of the breakup.Patients with mental disorders: Even if these were not born as a result of the relationship, the recovery time provided by zero contact will be useful to address their treatment without distractions.Impulsive people: A high degree of impulsivity implies a greater probability of contacting the ex-partner again. Furthermore, this trait correlates positively with high scores in emotional dependence, according to a study published in Annals of Psychology.

A breakup hurts, but it passes

It is important to conclude by clarifying that each person experiences grief in a different way. This distancing is useful for those who have few coping resources or for especially harmful relationships; but not everyone needs it.

Furthermore, grief has a common characteristic in all individuals: it has an end. The normal, healthy thing is that time heals the wounds of a relationship. Therefore, if you think that your grief for that person is being too long or difficult, do not hesitate to consult a psychology professional.

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