Accept others as they are

Are you able to accept others as they are? Or, on the contrary, you often feel angry, irritated, or disappointed by other people’s behavior? When someone’s attitude or behavior causes us discomfort and displeasure, it is difficult to determine whether the problem lies with us or with them. And it is equally difficult to decide how to act on it.

Human relationships are complex, since it is the interaction of two beings with their own way of seeing life. Each one with their own backpack of beliefs, expectations and unclosed wounds. Therefore, if we want to enjoy healthy and rewarding interpersonal relationships, there are certain things that we must take into consideration.

Rigid expectations

Not all people have the same difficulty accepting those around them. Generally, this task is more complicated for those who tend to generate multiple expectations and maintain them rigidly. These beliefs and assumptions about how others should be manifest in all areas of our lives.

For example, we have created an ideal of our better half, with an almost step-by-step manual of how he or she should be and behave. However, It is very likely that when we establish a relationship, that person will differ in many aspects from that imagined ideal.

As a human being you will have your own personality, opinions, tastes, good and bad days. Entering a relationship with rigid expectations only ensures suffering for both partners. Well, Being focused on what we want it to be will prevent us from enjoying what it really is.

Our rigidity will lead us to be bothered by every small act of the other and we will feel an urgent need to want to change it.. We will want it to be more romantic, more detailed or more independent than it really is, since that is what we expect.

However, this attitude will seriously erode the relationship, impregnating it with unhappiness. You will suffer because your partner is not what you want, and the other person will suffer because they are not allowed to be. Because he is required to adapt to a pattern and his very essence is reproached.

Accepting others does not mean conforming

Undoubtedly, we must learn to be flexible and open with those around us. We must allow them to be freely, and we must try to enjoy who they are instead of wanting to modify them as we wish. It is a gesture of respect and love that is essential in any emotional bond.

However, sometimes, it is not our expectations that boycott the relationship. Sometimes the other person emits really harmful and unpleasant behaviors. Perhaps you are a selfish, manipulative or narcissistic individual who uses others for your own benefit. Maybe he is a person who demands, recriminates and humiliates and is not willing to give back even a tenth of what he tries to extract from others.

It is clear that in this case it is not a need to readjust your beliefs. But, even in this situation it is essential to accept the other as they are. Because this will prevent you from getting involved in an exhausting race to try to transform him into the empathetic and generous person you would like him to be.

Accepting others as they are allows us to see reality and act accordingly. We cannot and should not change others. People can change, but they do it when they want, and not when you need it. Therefore, in any case your only mission is to focus on yourself.

How to act?

When someone else’s behavior hurts or bothers you, forget about the other person and focus on yourself. You may discover that you are being too demanding and intolerant and you need to work on it. But It is possible that, after reflecting, you conclude that the other person has behaviors that you do not want to maintain in your life.. Either because they are harmful or simply because they are not compatible with what you expect from your relationships.

Even in this case, accept the other as they are. Accept that this is reality and that, if you do not want it in your life, the way is not to try to change the other, but to decide to walk away.. It is not in your power to decide how the other person behaves, but it is in your power to decide how you are going to act.

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