What is radical acceptance and how to practice it?

Imagine that you have been preparing for years to enter the company of your dreams. One day you feel that the time has come and you request an interview. This one is going well, even better than you expected. After a few days They tell you that the position is yours and that they will call you later to sign the contract.

Your joy is immense, you have finally achieved something you have been fighting for for so long. However, that call does not occur and your spirits become more difficult as the days go by. You end up contacting them and they tell you that in the end The position has been given to another person who is more qualified and has more experience than you. . How would you feel?

You probably feel that the situation is absolutely unfair and you experience uncomfortable and unpleasant emotions: anger, rage, frustration, sadness, feeling of defeat, demotivation and a void that is difficult to fill. You don’t have to feel them all at once, but it is possible that these and many others arise in the first days after the unexpected news.

The question is: How do you manage what you feel? How do you face the situation? Perhaps you remain navigating between your emotions, anchored in suffering without knowing very well how to act or perhaps you ignore reality and continue with your life as if nothing had happened.

In both situations you do not face what has happened to you in a healthy way, which is why we want to show you the approach of radical acceptance. A different perspective to live what happens to you.

What is radical acceptance?

Throughout your life you have surely experienced situations that have been very difficult for you to accept. Rejection from the person you were in love with, a layoff, financial difficulties or the death of a loved one. Even much less profound situations can generate great frustration and suffering.

We all know people who are unable to accept that they have failed an exam, been called out at work, or even that someone has cut them off in line at the supermarket. The basis of suffering in all these examples is the same: non-acceptance of reality.

radical acceptance It is nothing more than the willingness to live life as it is., with its pros and cons. This concept is part of dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) developed by psychologist Marcha M. Linehan. It is based on concepts from cognitive-behavioral psychology as well as Eastern Zen practices. However, for practical purposes it was Tara Brachpsychologist specializing in meditation and Buddhism, who most popularized this technique.

How to put radical acceptance into practice?

The first step is to recognize reality, whatever it may be, and stop fighting against it. In fact, when we suffer the most is when we do not accept what happens, we resist and as a result we experience deep pain.

This does not mean that we have to resign ourselves. Resignation is a defeatist option, it does not provide any solution. Instead, Radical acceptance allows us to face at least two solutions to the conflict.

From the outset, encourages us to stop investing energy in fighting reality and managing uncomfortable emotions. Next, when we no longer resist, it makes it easier for us to take control of the situation and focus on managing it. That is, it allows us to be proactive about the problem.

Steps to follow to improve our radical acceptance

Each process in life that generates pain will differ from the others due to its own peculiarities. However, most of them will follow a common structure related to suffering.

For that reason, you can apply some basic principles of radical acceptance that will help you better channel your pain. They are the following:

Find a quiet place where you can sit for a few minutes in a comfortable position.Focus on your breathing.Focus on the thoughts that appear related to the situation that cause you discomfort. Do not cling to these thoughts, contemplate them as if they were passing clouds. You are not those thoughts, even if you identify with them.Analyze what emotions they generate in you.Embrace these emotions and let them manifest, They have the function of channeling your frustration and your pain. Repeat within yourself a mantra that allows you to better accept the situation. It can be a phrase like: “it is what it is”, “it is just another experience in my life and I accept it” or “I am at peace with what happens to me”. It is important that the phrase resonates with you, otherwise it will be very difficult for you to internalize it. The pain will most likely not disappear right away, but you can repeat this mantra to yourself as often as you need when the thoughts and emotions that cause discomfort reappear. .

What can happen if we do not accept our circumstances?

Rejecting reality does not eliminate our pain, quite the opposite: it increases it and turns it into suffering. Let’s think about the classic example of the person who does not accept a romantic breakup, even if months or years have passed since the separation. His life becomes a negative spiral that can even lead to depression if he does not address it properly.

This does not mean that accepting difficult situations is easy. In fact, it’s anything but easy. Going through adverse circumstances is very painful. Furthermore, our instinct can lead us to deny what happened or not accept it because it hurts less at first.

The problem is that resisting inevitably ends up increasing the pain. For this reason, radical acceptance can be a very useful tool.

In the end, what this approach proposes to us is to assume that the human experience is full of experiences, some pleasant, others neutral and others painful and, sooner or later, we are going to experience them all. Accepting that life is like this can give us great relief and a great sense of peace. In our life.

You might be interested…