What is monogamy: understand this relationship model |

Much has been said about the types of relationships, although the most common choice is to have only one partner. But after all, what is monogamy? And have you ever wondered if your choice is monogamy?

I’ve never heard anyone say they were going out with one person and at a certain point chose to be monogamous. However, I’ve heard that the relationship was monogamous and at a certain point, they decided to open the relationship, thus leaving the other free to live new experiences.

Usually, when people start to relate, a supposed monogamy is almost automatically assumed. But what is monogamy and why is it important for us to reflect on it? Continue reading to find out more!

Do you know what monogamy is?

Monogamy is a type of relationship where you choose to be with only one person. It is the traditional and better known as the closed relationship. It is believed that a person is monogamous when he has only one loving/sexual partner at a time, it can be for a lifetime or for a period.

And you, remember when you made this choice? Or when your partner asked you if you were monogamous? Or, if you were interested in having a monogamous relationship?

If the answer is yes, know that you are an exception, because the overwhelming majority takes monogamy as the “correct” way to relate. Including, some countries see monogamy as the only way to build a family and, in other countries, this type of relationship is directed only to women, and a man is allowed to have more than one wife, following the rules of the country.

Still very common, especially in so-called monogamous societies, is the so-called “double standard”. And what is this? Socially, the person claims to be monogamous and “under the covers” maintains extramarital relationships.

It is a very common practice, especially among men. From time to time, there is a scandal in the traditional media of some betrayal involving celebrities.

We learn from childhood to see monogamy as the only way

We can notice that monogamy is taught from childhood through movies, drawings, stories, school which is a common practice for women. For men, it’s flexible.because they can take advantage of the “double standard” with a very common phrase of the patriarchy: “he is a man, he knows how it is!”.

It is very common to hear comments like:

Non-monogamy is not for me, I’m jealous and I can’t handle it! Monogamy doesn’t work, do you know any that worked?

Perhaps the correct question is, “Did monogamy work?” How many people do we see who are potentially fulfilled in their monogamous relationships after a certain amount of time? We have no scientific studies that claim that human nature is monogamous.

According to IBGE, in 2009 the average between the signing of the marriage contract and the divorce was 17.5 years. In 2019, it decreased to 13.8 years. We see the “indissoluble monogamous” marriage decreasing over time, one in four marriages is asked for divorce, and one of the main reasons that lead to separation is infidelity.

How many problems, sufferings does this “betrayal” lead to countless families and children? By the way, read about how you can learn from betrayal.

Despite building an image that monogamy is something common, we do not have studies that prove this behavior as natural. The routine, the work overload that marriage generates, especially for women, need this union to be reconfigured over time.

In previous decades, what kept the marriage together was female submission. Infidelity was supported due to emotional and/or economic dependence. With the entry into the labor market, women were able to have more social rights, which is still very incipient, especially in relation to their reproductive rights.

Currently, the non-monogamy proposal is the possibility of the relationship between the people involved having gaps, breathing outside the imprisoning and sometimes suffocating relationship of the couple.

In addition, it is the possibility of making room for people to be affected by other encounters, which would not necessarily lead to sexual practices, but lighter encounters, with new connections.

I want to remind you that, according to the book Creation of Patriarchy, simultaneously with monogamy, houses of prostitution appear. According to the author, it seems impossible to maintain monogamy without prostitutes, as in the view of some men sex with them would not be considered treason.

And for you, is prostitution a way to sustain monogamy or not?