What is idealization

Each person has qualities that may be more or less similar to our way of being. However, there is no perfect human being. and there will always be certain areas where we will not entirely agree. Idealization can be a burden on any relationship due to the excessive burden it places on the figure of the other.

Whether this unreal image is maintained over time or falls apart when you begin to become intimate, in no case will it contribute to forming a healthy relationship. We must be able to see others as they are, love them and accept them with their virtues and defects.. Otherwise, we will not be truly relating to that person but rather with a fantasy.

What does idealization consist of?

Idealizing someone consists of considering them a model of perfection, exaggerating that person’s virtues and overlooking their less positive qualities. In this way we generate an image that is quite far from reality that can complicate our relationship with the idealized individual.

It is true that in certain circumstances, such as the beginning of a romantic relationship, idealization is part of the process. Nevertheless, Some people have a greater tendency to idealize others. For what is this?.

Low self-esteem

When one does not have adequate self-esteem, it is common to tend to overvalue others to the detriment of one’s own value. In some way we overestimate what we find in others and that we lack. In this way we consider the other special, unattainable and perfect while we feel inferior.

This is a dangerous situation that can easily lead to dependency relationships.. If we consider ourselves unworthy while extolling the virtues of our counterpart, we will quickly fall into submissive and complacent behavior.

Perfectionism

Perfectionism is closely related to the tendency to idealization. That It is due to the dichotomous perception that perfectionist individuals maintain about their environment. Everything is black or white and, equally, people are fantastic or horrible. When they find someone who seems to fit their highest values, they tend to place them on a pedestal and ignore their flaws.

Childhood longings

When childhood conflicts are not adequately resolved, they can be reproduced in our adult relationships. We seek to recreate the childhood relationship with our parents in which we feel unique and loved unconditionally, in which our demands are satisfied without even having to say a word.

In these cases We may project these longings onto the people with whom we interact. We give them the role of all-powerful supplier and place our highest expectations on them. Obviously, this is not realistic or healthy and disappointment will appear sooner rather than later.

What happens with idealization?

Idealization can lead to two different but equally discouraging outcomes. On the one hand, it is possible that the unrealistic expectations associated with a person fall under their own weight over time.. Nobody is perfect, we all make mistakes and have flaws. Therefore, when the blindfold falls from the idealizer’s eyes he may feel disappointment and a deep sense of betrayal.

You will begin to think that the person has deceived you, that they were not what they seemed to be. The truth is that he himself had placed her on an unsustainable pedestal and when facing reality he will be invaded by frustration.

On the other hand, something completely opposite can happen. To maintain our psychological balance, people tend to keep safe the beliefs that we already have. In this way we ignore all information that contradicts our ideas and actively look for information that supports them.

When an individual idealizes another, they can do the unspeakable to maintain that fictitious image that they have assigned to the other in their mind.. To do this, he will resort to a thousand excuses and justifications so that he can evade the failures that are beginning to become evident in the other. Likewise, it will extol their virtues beyond the positive things they may truly have.

If we want to establish a healthy relationship, it is necessary that we get rid of these veils and look at the person as a whole. We have to accept her successes as well as her mistakes, assuming that she is human and loving her in her imperfection.. Only in this way will the link be real.

Is it possible to get out of idealization?

Taking into account that idealization often works as a defense mechanism, to get out of it, the first and perhaps most important thing is to recognize that it is present in the way we build our bonds with other people. Some of these tips may be useful to start building healthier and more realistic relationships:

Work on self-knowledge. Investigate yourself to identify the origin of this tendency to idealize others and try to recognize the causes why this behavior has persisted over time.Likewise, Objectively analyze what it is that you value most in others and, to what extent, the presence of those characteristics makes you ignore the negative aspects. For example, do you prioritize beauty over other personality qualities? Is it more important to you that there are common tastes and interests than the way a person treats you? Confronting ourselves with these questions will make us see our close ties differently and evaluate the extent to which we have idealized other people.Strengthens self-esteem. If idealization appears because you have low self-esteem, it will be very important that you start working on the way you value your own qualities and virtues. Healthy self-esteem will make us see others objectively and fairly.You might be interested…