What is fatuous love according to Sternberg?

Fatuous love, defined by psychologist Robert J. Sternberg, allows us to understand why some relationships fail.. In the universe of emotional bonds, nothing is easy and, often, we fall into that exciting trap that is desire, passion and dopamine nourishing each dynamic. However, bonds that are based solely on physical attraction expire soon.

In latin, “fatuus», translates as ‘foolish’, ‘naive’ or ‘extravagant’. This term is what defines couples who build their relationship based on commitment and passion, but leave intimacy out. Those solid pillars are missing where complicity, openness and trust help to overcome obstacles and connect in a more mature and authentic way.

We suggest you learn more information about this interesting concept that Sternberg integrated into his famous triangular theory of love.

Who is Robert J. Sternberg and why did he become interested in love?

We cannot understand contemporary psychology without the figure of Robert J. Sternberg. He has a bachelor’s degree from Yale University and thirteen honorary doctorates from the most prominent centers in the world; in addition to a professorship at the University of Heidelberg, in Germany.

Now, although he is popularly known for his triangular theory of love, his works cover many more areas such as the triarchic theories of human intelligence and that of investment in creativity; also different theories related to thinking styles, wisdom, love and hate. In addition, he wrote more than 100 books and countless articles.

If this prominent cognitive psychologist became interested in love and emotional relationships, it was due to an undoubted fact: they are the essence of the human being. Understanding this nuclear element facilitates a deeper understanding of ourselves. Your book Love Is a Story: A New Theory of Relationship (1999) is a sensational resource to discover ourselves through our relationships.

On the other hand, is his famous triangular theory of love still valid since the 80s, when he stated it? That’s how it is. Research such as that published in the Journal of Sex Research offers empirical support for the universality of this interesting model.

Fatuous love, according to Sternberg: what does it consist of?

Fatuous love defines the immature love that two people build based only on commitment, passion and physical attraction.. In some way, we all experience it at some point, especially when we are younger. They are bonds lacking intimacy, but dominated by that effervescence of desire, sexuality and blind affection that clouds judgment, but rocks us in its pleasures.

This concept is integrated into Sternberg’s triangular theory of love. and starts, first of all, from its three basic components:

Passion: traces that physical, sexual and emotional attraction that defines romantic love.Privacy: emotional closeness, emotional bond, trust and deep connection between the couple.Commitment: defines the couple’s decision to take care of the long-term bond through loyalty, responsibility, problem solving, etc.

In turn, from the combination of these three dimensions, the following types of loves arise:

Obsessive love: there is only passionfatuous love: commitment and passion.Romantic love: intimacy and passion.Empty affection: there is no component.Love based on affection: only the commitment appears.The consummate love: It is the most desirable, to which we should all aspire, because it integrates passion, intimacy and commitment.

Characteristics of fatuous love

Fatuous love combines obsession with affection and limerence. That is, there is a constant desire for every emotion to be validated and every need met. The attraction is very intense, but the couple falls captive, in turn, to that fear of not being reciprocated, of suffering abandonment and even of the other not loving them with the same intensity.

Sri Ramachandra University emphasizes that sexual desire is mediated by testosterone and estrogen, and physical attraction by dopamine, stress and reward hormones. Thus, in bonds dominated by the fatuous, this release of hormones and neurotransmitters is constant. So much so that Relationships are built based on addictive love. Let’s see more features:

Frequent breakups and reconciliations. Fear of being betrayed or abandoned. They are relationships defined by an anxious attachment. Ups and downs due to arguments are frequent. Dynamics as harmful as jealousy and the need for control appear.Fatuous love often leads to bonds based on codependency.Generally, they are couples who isolate themselves, who live just for the two of them, thus reducing contact with family and friends.Since there is no good intimacy, emotional maturity and trust, they do not know how to deal with problems and disagreements.

How long do these types of relationships last?

Fatuous love, according to Sternberg’s triangular theory of love, has the particularity of its short duration: it can range from 6 months to 2 years.. The reason they are doomed to failure is the absence of intimacy. Let us remember, this concept is what acts as a psycho-emotional glue in every bond and is nourished by trust, reciprocity, connection, etc.

Works such as those published in Frontiers in Psychology They emphasize that it is not possible to discern whether passion, by itself, gives way to intimacy or the other way around. What we do know is that, in the case of fatuous love, time is always its enemy. While in relationships that already include commitment, passion and intimacy, the passage of months usually strengthens them.

What to do if I am in a relationship based on fatuous love?

We can all fall into the arms of a fatuous love. Does this mean I’m doomed to a relationship that won’t work out and will make me unhappy? In terms of relationships, there are often experiences that are worth cherishing, no matter how brief they may be. But trying, yes, to get hurt as little as possible.

The starting point is to understand what type of relationship you have: one based on physical attraction, but where there is no intimacy; Clarifying it will allow us to become aware of what it can mean. And it is nothing other than waiting for that passion to fade away and nothing is left. Can we avoid it? Indeed, Your goal should be to go from a foolish love to a consummate love.. The following are the areas to work on:

Set common short and long term goals.Work in be the best support of each other.Move from an anxious attachment to a secure attachment.Learn to resolve problems and disagreements.Express emotions and feelings without fear.Cultivate respect, understanding and mutual care.Build good communication based on listening, assertiveness and respect.Promote connection and curiosity about the interests of others, to know your dreams and desires.

Lastly, Sternberg’s triangular theory of love is an excellent model for understanding how relationships are built. This is a very complex universe where we often fail. Let’s not give up, there are people who will always be worth it and for whom it is good to work hard. It is a task between two; let’s not forget it.

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