We both know we’re not “just friends”

I can’t do this anymore. Living constantly in this uncertainty.

Waiting next to the cell phone, wishing her name would appear on my screen. I can no longer keep my anxiety under control. I spend my days restless, worried about your every word and movement. The nights I’ve been crying myself to sleep and trying desperately to figure out what I did to make you ignore me again.

This is not being fair to any of us.

I can’t believe I got into this despair again. I have done everything possible and impossible to keep your attention. I surrender, I surrender and I surrender, and with each surrender I feel emptier.

SEE TOO:

• Read This When You Can’t Stop Thinking About Him

You are not the same person I met years ago. You’re no longer interested in how my day went or what I’m doing right now. You just sit back and watch while I pretend to live, just like the puppeteer leans back, controlling his puppet. You know you will always have the upper hand and the control, because I would do anything not to lose you.

I promised myself I would never put myself in that situation again. I did a good job of guarding my heart for so long until you forced your way into my life again. And it was in one of those that our friendship became something more, even though you always made it very clear that you were never interested in dating me.

Tell me, what happens now? Will you disappear as fast as you came into my life? Are you going to leave and start your life with someone else, while I sit here wondering how I could ever let this happen again?

SEE TOO:

• Detachment is necessary to live NEW STORIES

How could I be so naive to think that something real could exist between us?

When will I realize that a relationship isn’t about how much you can give the other person; it’s about what you can create together.

A relationship shouldn’t create fear or anxiety. A relationship shouldn’t leave you crying yourself to sleep. A real relationship solves problems when they are created rather than throwing them under the rug and later coming back amplified.

How could you abandon someone you’re supposed to like so much?

I think I understand now.

Over and over in my life, I have learned this lesson “if you love, you let go.”

I think it might be the best for us so you can move on without me weighing you down and I can go back to finding whatever I’m still looking for in this life.

Because I can say that it’s definitely not that.

Why can’t I just let you go?

Photo: Unsplash