Tips for having a good relationship with your parents

The relationship we have with our parents is, strictly speaking, the first relationship in our lives and, therefore, influences our ability to live together in the future.

As some psychologists often say, the problems we have with our parents in childhood can turn into bigger issues later as adults and are reflected in other areas of our behavior.

But, no matter how distant our relationship with them may be, we always hope that they accept us as we are and that they admire us.

Trying to be independent without leaving the people we love behind is sometimes difficult.

O awesome.club discovered ways to have a good relationship with our parents, where respect and gratitude predominate.

Most of us seek security all the time, even unconsciously. Therefore, in order to develop ourselves, we need to know if we can trust and have the support of our parents. The British psychoanalyst and pediatrician Donald Winnicott believed that the child focuses his attention on what he was deprived or denied, and not on what he obtained. So, no matter how our parents act, they never manage to reach our expectations or satisfy all our needs (because they are human, and like all humans, they also make mistakes!). But the “negative” impressions they leave us generate frustrations and resentments, even if unconsciously. When we feel this feeling of dissatisfaction, we end up acting irrationally, with the desire to change our parents.

If your parents didn’t show much affection in your childhood and adolescence, they are unlikely to change after you become an adult. Instead of questioning your actions all the time, try to learn to live with them without the burden. Stop categorizing them as heroes or villains; they are ordinary people with their merits and shortcomings. And they gave you exactly the affection and love they could, as much as possible for them. Often, what the family didn’t give us in childhood, in the future we seek in our surroundings, in other people who can satisfy our needs. However, it is worth saying to yourself: “I can give myself everything I lack or desire”🇧🇷

It is much easier to blame your parents for your failures and problems than it is to take responsibility for your life. A dependent person does not feel important and unique; he’s just an insecure person. And this dependence causes a certain childishness in behavior. Free yourself by taking responsibility for your actions, mistakes and successes. Take charge of your own life. After all, when you no longer create so many expectations in relation to your own family, you can finally consider yourself a mature person.

Knowing your family history helps you understand and accept your parents and other family members as they are. How was your mother raised? What facts contributed to the way she lives today? Also pay attention to family history within the context of the country’s history. It could be that your father’s coldness came from precarious living conditions in your childhood, or that your mother’s exaggerated personality has to do with a past of insecurity. A more austere father with money may have experienced poverty and even hunger in childhood and, therefore, values ​​the resources he has. Did your parents go through any situation of war or unemployment, for example? Was your mother raised in a house where the woman (your grandmother) was submissive? Think about it. Knowing their family history gives your relationships with them more understanding, and you may wonder whether it’s even necessary to blame them in certain arguments.

It is not rare for parents to project their own life dreams onto their children. For example, the father dreamed of joining the Navy, but in the end, he ended up making a career in an accounting firm. Now, he hopes that his son joins the Navy, understanding that this would be a good path for him. On the other hand, many people live with a constant thought like: “I need to be the best so that my parents will be proud of me”.

Remember that your parents didn’t raise you to live up to their expectations. We grow up to make our own decisions and build our own lives.

Some people, however, choose professions that are the opposite of what their parents dreamed of precisely in order to confront them. Did your father want you to be a lawyer? You decided to be an artist. Did you want to be a doctor? You chose to own a craft brewery. There is nothing wrong with making your own decisions as long as they are made out of genuine conviction, not just contestation.

We always feel that we owe a lot to our parents because they gave us so much. Undoubtedly, it is important that we also participate in their choices, even if they do not reflect our own expectations as children. One of the most important stages of maturity is precisely this: realizing that you and they are 3 independent adults. That’s why you can, yes, help them whenever you see that they are in difficulty, whatever the problem. Respecting and supporting your family means accepting everyone’s decision, even if you don’t totally agree.

An adult relationship between parents and children involves respect, support and, above all, love.

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