They didn’t break your heart, they destroyed your expectations

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A romantic breakup always generates pain. But when this becomes enormous suffering, it is most likely due to the collapse of our expectations.

Written and verified by the psychologist Elena Sanz.

The vast majority of human beings will experience a love breakup at least once in their lives.. This situation, always difficult, seems to get more complicated for some than for others. And when a person says that his heart has been broken, that is usually precisely what he feels. A heartbreaking and paralyzing pain.

We can make the mistake of thinking that these types of individuals had stronger and deeper feelings for whoever their partners were. Or perhaps we believe that it is a lack of emotional strength on their part. The reality is that the basis of their suffering is not excessive love or personal weakness; They are, plain and simple, expectations.

Your heart hasn’t been broken

You’ve never had your heart broken. Speaking in a literal sense, it is evident that it has not happened since it is something physiologically impossible. But figuratively this has not happened either. Maybe, at some point you felt like you gave your heart to someone and this person damaged it, destroyed it. But really, and although it’s hard to admit, you caused this damage yourself.

Love does not tear, it does not destroy, not even when it ends. When you love someone in a genuine, pure and healthy way, suffering is different, since it is free of dependencies and you do not leave your happiness in charge of the other person, you do not expect them to fulfill you.

Read Also: Why do I feel like people reject me?

It is evident that we always have expectations and these, to a certain extent, are necessary. We expect respect, support and sincerity from our colleagues. However, mature love understands that each of us is responsible for our own well-being. And this responsibility includes knowing how to stay away from those who do not provide us with adequate treatment. Without allowing humiliation, betrayal or disappointment to perpetuate themselves as part of the relationship.

Although we tend to blame others for these situations, we are the ones who harm ourselves by staying in them. Love doesn’t hurt, it hurts the ego. It hurts to cling, to submit, to give in and neglect self-love in the name of love as a couple.

No one has had their heart broken for loving too much, because those who really know how to love would never feel so devastated. by the behavior or departure of someone to affirm such a thing. He would understand and accept that the other’s actions are not in his hands, but his own are. And, therefore, he would protect his integrity and calmly walk away from that situation. With pain yes, but not with extreme suffering.

you are not weak

If you are part of the large group of people who at a certain point in our lives feel like they broke our hearts, don’t feel guilty. You are not weak for having harbored that feeling. You are not weaker than others, nor was your partner spectacularly valuable. Neither she was for so much nor you for so little. Understand that Those responsible for the heartbreaking anguish that you may feel are only expectations.

Learn to manage your expectations

It is positive to share dreams and projects with our partner, but we must not allow our psychological and emotional stability to depend on it. We must be prepared to face changes without collapsing and, to do so, We must consciously work on our self-esteem and our flexibility..

If you feel like your heart has been broken, check the true origin of that feeling. and understand that it is in your power to start loving in a healthier way. Start loving yourself unconditionally. Change can be scary, but remember that when nothing is certain, anything is possible.