The secret to good couple communication

To establish a healthy romantic relationship, the most important thing is to have good communication as a couple. In this sense, it should be noted that communication goes beyond whether one speaks or not, or how much one speaks. It has more to do with what is said and how it is said.

Do you want to know the secret to good couple communication? In this article we explain everything you need to know about this topic.

What are the most common mistakes in couple communication?

Most of the mistakes that are usually made in couple communication have to do with not knowing how to express oneself adequately, due to lack of respect towards oneself or towards the other person. Among the different errors you can find:

Impose our criteria believing that our point of view is better than that of our partner. Express flaws and complaints about your partner frequentlysometimes in an exaggerated way. Wanting the other person to be as we wish. Show little interest in our partner’s views or beliefs. Not allowing our partner to express themselves. Take for granted what the other person is going to say and constantly interrupt them. Manipulate others to achieve what we want. Be right even if we disagree.

The result of erroneous communication patterns as a couple can weaken the relationship, to the point of breaking. That is why it is important that we pay attention to the way and manner we communicate with our loved one.

Basic keys for good couple communication

Before sharing specific guidelines that you can put into practice on a daily basis with your partner, we want to highlight some basic aspects that must be present. Influence these areas It will help reduce conflicts and improve mutual satisfaction.

Active listening

There can be no communication without listening, and yet it is an aspect that many people have not yet mastered. Listening does not mean listening, being defensive and thinking of counterarguments while the other person speaks. On the contrary, it means pay attention to try to understand, to empathize, to validate what the partner feels in every moment.

emotional self-control

Managing our own emotions is essential to avoid conflicts and misunderstandings. A maxim of good communication as a couple is that lack of respect never has a place, no matter how angry we are. Thus, we will have to be responsible for ourselves, count to 10, breathe or even walk away for a moment and postpone the conversation if necessary.

Likewise, when it is the other who is overwhelmed by their emotions, it is important that we know not to take their words and attitudes personally and stay calm to prevent the argument from escalating quickly.

Modesty

Be able to reflect and recognize one’s own mistakes helps to avoid numerous conflicts between couples. This humility shows the other how much we care and the willingness we have to improve the situation of both. Even, sometimes we will not have to apologize per se for what has been done, but rather for how we have made the other person feel (even if it was unintentional). This is an extremely positive exercise.

Team mentality

Both members of the couple must always keep in mind that they are a team, working together for a common life project. And many times we perceive the other as the enemy, when in reality he is our partner. Avoid power struggles and opt for negotiation and cooperation.

Genuine interest in the other

Good communication should not only be applied when there is a discrepancy between the two, but it must be put into practice every day. For this reason, look for everyday moments to share with your partner and dedicate your full attention to them without distractions. Ask open questions that allow them to expand, be interested in their daily life as well as their dreams, goals and fears. Chatting frequently helps build intimacy and to forge a solid bond.

Assertiveness as a key to couple communication

To communicate correctly with your partner, it is important to be assertive. The assertiveness It is nothing more than a form of expression through which respect is sought for oneself and others. Thus, according to Alberti, this concept can be defined as:

Practicing assertiveness will help us express our needs in the relationship, as well as understanding those of our partner. Being assertive will nourish our relationship allowing us to express our point of view and improving our communication as a couple.

How could I be more assertive?

1. Express your appreciation for their qualities

Most likely, you appreciate certain qualities or actions of your partner (something about their appearance, their character, their personality, something they say or do, etc.)

Expressing verbally or otherwise what we appreciate about our partner is good for both of us, since both of you will feel better.

2. Accept signs of affection and compliments

Your partner may also express appreciation for you. Do not doubt their sincerity, the fact that you do not believe it does not mean that the other person does not think it. Accept signs of affection and compliments naturally, A simple “thank you” is enough.

Knowing how to accept compliments is an important point since if we despise them we can condition our partner so that they will not do them again in the future.

3. Be able to say “no”

Keep in mind that the responsibility to say “no” is yours alone. Don’t get carried away by pressure or other reasons and act accordingly to your thoughts.

Saying “yes” when you want to say “no” is insincere and hurts your feelings. You are within your rights to reject requests without feeling guilty or selfish.

4. Explain what you think or how you feel

Say clearly what you think or how you feel, whether positive or negative, but always with respect for others. There is no better way for your partner to understand you than by showing your emotions.

Don’t assume that your partner will know how you feel, no matter how long you’ve known each other. Over the years we can understand and understand the other, but If we want them to know what is happening to us, it is best to say it without expecting the other person to infer it. .

5. Be careful with accusations

It is very easy to get carried away with anger and blame our partner for how bad we feel. So, to avoid this mistake in couple communication and confrontations that lead nowhere, it is best to:

Ask questions instead of accusations. How could it be: Are you listening to me?instead of directly accusing and saying: You’re not listening to me again! Comment on what the couple does without qualifying them. For example: I’ve noticed that lately you forget your clothes on the bed after changing.. Instead of: You are a disaster, every time you change you leave the room bogged down.Avoid generalizations such as always or never. For example it is better to say: You haven’t been taking out the trash lately.. To say: You never take out the trash.

6. Use assertive terms in our conversation

I think, I feel, let’s do it, I want it, what do you think, what do you think, how can we solve this, I would like it, etc. There are multiple expressions and assertive forms that we can use in our conversations. to create a more pleasant climate.

Finally, remember that Maintaining assertive communication with your partner does not guarantee the absence of arguments and problems , but it does facilitate an understanding and mutual respect that will be forged little by little. You will always have this option at hand. You just have to choose it.

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