The relationship with a histrionic couple

What is it like to have a histrionic couple? Before answering this, let’s know what characterizes a person with a personality of this type. Histrionic personality disorder is classified as such in the current DSM-5 (Diagnostic Manual of the American Psychiatric Association). The nomenclature for this disorder was originally coined by authors Brody and Sota.

According to data obtained from National Epidemiologic Survey on Alcohol and Related Conditions in 2001-2002 (extracted from DSM-5), 1.84% of the population suffers from a histrionic personality disorder, although data from later studies place its prevalence at 2-3% of the population. But what are these people like?

Some of the most relevant criteria that define them are the following: discomfort in situations in which they are not the center of attention, interactions with others characterized by inappropriate sexually seductive or provocative behavior, rapid changes and flat expression of emotions and the use constant physical appearance to attract attention.

On the other hand, it is people with a speaking style based excessively on impressions and lacking details. Finally, another trait that characterizes them is self-dramatization, theatricality and exaggerated expression of emotions. So, what is it like to have a histrionic partner?

The histrionic couple

Broadly speaking, we could say that having a romantic relationship with a histrionic person is like watching a play where the protagonist is not you. According to the DSM-5, the histrionic couple considers their relationships more intimate than they really are, which could cause confusion when starting a relationship with this type of person.

However, when the relationship really starts, how do you usually do it? When we meet a histrionic person who also likes us, what usually happens is that try to seek our admiration, love and approval. How does he do it? Especially through seduction.

Once they achieve their “purpose”, the histrionic partner can show themselves as someone with an intense need for stimuli. Furthermore, another characteristic of the histrionic couple is that needs to be reaffirmed through others; To achieve this, some of these people may choose to manipulate or lie. We will talk a little more about it later.

The dynamics that occur

Without attempting to generalize, we are going to talk about a possible common relationship dynamic when we are with a histrionic couple. On the one hand, in the histrionic person we find a person with a constant need to be the center of attention and to receive stimuli from the environment. Generally, in the other member of the couple we find a normal neurotypical person.

But what are these relationships like? How does the histrionic couple act in the relationship?

According to Lago, Another mechanism that the histrionic couple frequently uses is victimhood. to get what they want. Furthermore, it suggests that the relationship can be bearable if we think that we are dealing with a somewhat crazy, childish, unpredictable and intense person and we also assume a parental or maternal role, as well as infinite understanding. Perhaps this role ultimately does not correspond to us.

On the other hand, many times the partner of the histrionic is faced with situations of frustration or anger due to the lack of sincerity or commitment of these people and you need to evaluate whether that is the relationship you really want or not.

For his part, Blacio (2015) talks about how histrionic couples, when faced with breakup situations, can develop depressive symptoms due to their inability to adapt to a relationship, always trying to manipulate and control the other.

How to help the histrionic couple?

In reality, it is not easy for people with this personality disorder to seek help; in fact, they only tend to do so when they suffer from intense symptoms of anxiety or depression. Also They may seek treatment when their behavior pattern interferes with their daily functioning.

According to Guide to effective psychological treatments From Pérez, Fernández, Fernández and Amigo (201o), the recommended management strategies as a therapist to apply with a person with this disorder are, on the one hand, adapting to the person’s emotional style. Clarify with her that the goal is not to eliminate emotions, but to use them in a more constructive way.

On the other hand, it will be important to avoid excessive familiarity and give his global and impressionistic thinking a more systematic and problem-focused nuance. These guidelines can also be applied and adapted when living with a histrionic partner (beyond therapy).

Couple therapy?

It will also be advisable to do couples therapy when the relationship requires it. In this sense, according to Pérez et al. (2010), it will be important to identify with both members of the couple the advantages and disadvantages of the manipulative behaviors of the histrionic partner, as well as to promote assertiveness in the histrionic patient.

Finally, it will be necessary identify the couple’s desires, encouraging them to be linked to the identity of each one and of both as members of the couple.

As therapists, according to Treatment guide mentioned, too It will be important not to assume the role of savior, but rather to assume an active role. In this sense, the framing will be essential, consisting of modifying the patient’s vision of reality in order to change its meaning.

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