The Psychology of Lying: Why Does Everyone Lie?

In the psychology office it is very common to see people suffering from lies from boyfriends, husbands, friends, relatives. And while suffering exists and is real, it can be treated. It is also interesting to understand why people – and we – lie, as this is one of the ways to overcome betrayals, omissions, falsehoods and lies.

Everybody lies?

Well, we need to start by understanding that all people lie. When children learn to speak, they lie. Seniors and adults, you and I lie too. But why? What is the cause for there to be so much lies in the world?

According to dictionaries, to lie is to say something contrary to the truth, it is to issue a judgment, a false sentence. Although it is good to start by saying that everyone lies, it is equally important to say that this does not mean that it is something good, ethical and that it will lead to happiness. Soon, in this same text, we will talk about pathological lying.

Why do people lie?

Imagine a scene, the boyfriend arrives at the girlfriend’s house to go out. When trying on the best outfit, she says:

– Honey, am I fat?

There are a few possible answers and it could actually be true that she is not fat. But let’s say she is, she’s put on a few pounds.

The boyfriend, then, can say:

– Yes, you are fat (True)

– No, you are not fat (Lie)

The two answers, if she is a little chubby, will be strange since it is common that even if the answer is that she is not fat, the woman is suspicious. And she fights. If she hears the truth, she might as well start an argument.

But in the few seconds between the question and the answer, let’s say the boyfriend decides to lie. Why would he do this?

Given her behavior history, he would quickly assess that the best answer is: “- No, you are not fat” because this way she – even suspicious – will change the subject and not feel offended, thus avoiding further problems.

Now, the purpose of lying is always this: to avoid a negative response, an aversive response.

The person who lies thinks that it is better, more advantageous to tell an untruth than to tell the truth. The truth is felt as something that will provoke a worse and unfavorable response. This is the cause of lies.

Try to think of times when you heard or said, “But why didn’t you tell me the truth?”

The video below, very funny, is an example of what we are talking about:

How do you know when someone is lying?

As in the video above, from the Porta dos Fundos YouTube channel, we can find out if someone is lying. It is easier to recognize when we know well, when we are close to the person in question, because in this way, we will be able to make the difference between the way the person tells the truth and the way the person lies.

However, some people develop a great ability to lie and go unnoticed. In this case, one can hardly notice the difference.

In some moments, as in the example of the girlfriend’s question if she is fat or not, it is even likely that the lie is perceived, but perhaps the person chooses, prefers to hear a small lie than the truth.

This fact also interests us, because what would be the reason for someone to prefer the lie to the truth?

When this happens, it’s good to remember that the lying behavior is likely to increase, as the response to the lie is better received. That is, both know about the truth, both pretend that this is the best answer.

And who lies all the time? Pseudolalia or pathological lying

We can divide the pathological liar into two groups:

1) the person who lies with a high frequency but does not believe his lies;

2) the person who often lies but believes his lies to be true.

Whether you believe what you say or not is the big difference. In the first type, the person lies because of his own history of reinforcement, that is, because of the personal experiences he had that made him believe that lying is better, in most cases, than telling the truth. In other words, the person was more rewarded for lying than telling the truth.

In the second type, there is a hint of mental illness, since faithfully believing your own lies can mean a serious psychological disorder. However, to know for sure if the person has a disease and what form of disease it is, we need to do a psychological and psychiatric evaluation to close a diagnosis.

Conclusion

Lying is common, it is everywhere and is told thousands of times around us and, perhaps, by ourselves. Which is not to say, of course, that it’s something to be praised. Saying that everything is fine when you meet someone you know on the street (when in fact everything is going wrong) is a small lie, with almost no consequences. Another thing is lying in a close relationship, as in cases of treason.

Philosopher Immanuel Kant thought that a lie should never, under any circumstances, be told. For, according to him, we shouldn’t do anything we wouldn’t want the other to do to us. In order to act as if, acting in the best way, the other could also do the same.

He gives an example, in The Critique of Practical Reason, in which a friend is persecuted. We know where he is and when asked about his friend’s whereabouts by his pursuer, we must tell the truth, as this is the right thing to do.

That is, we hand the friend over to his enemy, because telling the truth is the right thing to do in all cases. What he argues is that we should act ethically, no matter what consequences our act has. We are not going to act to look good in the eyes of others, nor are we going to act badly because of someone else’s influence or to get rid of a nuisance.

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