The manipulative adult child: psychological characteristics

The phenomenon of the manipulative adult child is increasingly common. This is not a picture of an unscrupulous adult taking advantage of kind parents. These situations They portray families in which the children are distressed and full of problems, while the parents are confused.erratic and desperate.

Very often, the manipulative adult child has parents who exhibit similar traits. In this type of situation there are both sides; Therefore, responsibility for what happens is shared. Of course, the solution should be too.

Beyond good or bad parenting as such, what exists in these families is a set of neurotic patterns in relationships. The problem is not the manipulative adult child, nor their parents, but the type of bond they have established and the behavioral patterns within which they move.

The manipulative adult child

The manipulative adult child is someone who continues to maintain a very close bond with their parents. This link is characterized by dependence and frequently uses emotional blackmail so that a limit is not established. Parents, for their part, are often filled with contradictory feelings that include guilt, anger, and love.

The main features of this type of children, which are sometimes seen from adolescence, are the following:

Emotionally imprisons parents. They threaten or actually engage in self-destructive behavior as a means of getting their parents to do something they want.Distorts perceptions. The manipulative adult child usually interprets all situations to suit her. He frequently seeks to victimize himself or, in other cases, sabotage plans or proposals to achieve change.Avoid assuming responsibilities. There is the idea that parents are the ones who should take responsibility for what he needs or wants. They have a life in which stagnation and unproductivity prevail.They have no major scruples with money or expenses. Sometimes they “borrow” money that they never pay back. Other times, they ask and ask, often for the best and most expensive. They do not feel that they are the ones who should be responsible for their expenses.They lack respect frequently. They have no problem raising their voices or slamming doors at the world when they get angry. Parents are used to it being this way and they don’t complain to him about his stupidity.

A situation that comes from the past

Obviously, a manipulative adult child is not born, but made. You don’t become like this overnight.. Behind this condition there is probably very well-intentioned upbringing, but with poor judgment.

The most common thing is that these adults have been overprotected children or have suffered some kind of abandonment., emotional or physical, during childhood, which was probably compensated with greater permissiveness. For one reason or another, it is likely that parents have had a hard time educating them by setting limits.

The capricious child will continue to be capricious, even into adulthood, if that behavior is reinforced.. They will continue to act this way with their partners and in their jobs. It will be difficult for them to specify their goals and achieve them. For this reason, they will tend to prolong their dependence on their parents. The good thing is that, regardless of age, this can be largely reversed.

To do?

When we reach adulthood, this is no longer a problem that only parents must solve, but their children too. No matter how childish or adolescent they appear, They are adults and have the duty and responsibility to take the reins of their destiny. Of course, it is good that parents contribute to this process, but they are not the only ones in charge of doing so.

The adult child must learn to truly love himself and, to that extent, to demand higher behavior from himself. It is good that you think about everything you are losing due to your decision to prolong childhood and adolescence. forever. Wouldn’t you like to be proud of what you can achieve? Don’t you wish you had a more authentic and free life?

For their part, parents must abandon the idea that loving is pleasing without limits.. They must also overcome the feeling of guilt that induces them to do the above. The best thing you can do for your child is to help him understand the meaning of the word “no” and the existence of limits. Without litanies, without demands, without ultimatums that are never fulfilled. Rather with the genuine love that perhaps they didn’t give before.

You might be interested…