The love triangle, according to Sternberg

If there is something that psychology has always pursued, it is defining love. No dimension is as complex, dynamic and fascinating as this emotion that brings us happiness and heartbreak alike. Thus, we could say almost without mistake that after decades of research, Sternberg’s love triangle theory is one of the most accurate and interesting approaches.

For those who have never heard of this Yale University professor, it is worth saying that Robert sternberg He is one of the psychologists who has contributed the most research to the framework of love, hate, intelligence and creativity. He has dedicated a large part of his life to the understanding of intelligence, however, the vast majority associate his name with that postulate that he stated about the definition of the different types of love.

To this day this theory is still considered one of the most useful.. The reason this is so is because it allows us to understand this feeling much better, as well as the type of bonds that we usually build with our interpersonal relationships throughout life. We are sure that this love triangle will give us answers to more than one question that we have had at some point.

Love according to Robert Sternberg

In this theory states that for there to be true love there must be three components: passion, intimacy and decision or commitment. Each of these concepts, in the love triangle, is defined as follows:

Passion

It is the sexual or romantic desire of great intensity, accompanied by a strong tendency to seek physical and/or emotional union with the other. It is the source of motivation that leads to the experience of passion in a relationship.

Passion is usually unstable and fluctuates very frequently. People generally cannot control whether it is present or not, but they are very aware of it. This component of love tends to be important in short-term relationships and play a relatively relevant role in long-term relationships (Sternberg, 1986).

Privacy

It is the knowledge of the other and trust in what they are, what they do and what they feel. Closeness and concern for his well-being. Need for rapprochement and mutual revelation.

Intimacy is generally stable over time and can be controlled in some way. People’s awareness of it can change, that is, sometimes they are aware of these feelings, but other times they are not. This component plays a medium role in short-term relationships, but is totally relevant in long-term relationships (Sternberg, 1986).

Decision or commitment

It is the will to maintain the bond and feeling of responsibility in this regard. Interest in overcoming adversity and perpetuating affection, beyond temporary circumstances.

Commitment includes cognitive elements that go into making decisions about the existence and long-term commitment to the relationship. Like the intimacy component of love, commitment also tends to remain stable and people’s awareness tends to fluctuate over time (Sternberg, 1986).

Scientific studies on the validity of this model continue to be carried out periodically. So, It should be said that its validity and usefulness are demonstrated every time a researcher wishes to delve deeper into some aspect of this theory of the love triangle.

An example of this is the study carried out by the University of Westmister, in the United Kingdom, in which it was shown that couples with longer and more stable relationships over time showed a high score in the dimension of commitment. .

How is the love triangle interpreted?

Based on this love triangle, Sterneberg proposes the idea that There are seven forms of love, according to the way in which each of these three components appear and manifest themselves. These modalities are:

1. Loving relationship

It occurs when there is intimacy between two people, but not passion or commitment.. This form of love is characteristic of friendship relationships. They are, in general, very lasting relationships, even if there is no formal commitment involved.

According to Sternberg, affection or liking involves feelings of “closeness, togetherness and warmth towards each other, without feelings of intense passion or long-term commitment» (Sternberg, 1986, p. 123).

2. Infatuation

It exists when passion appears, but not intimacy or commitment. It is characteristic of the so-called “love at first sight” and Generally, it defines short and trivial relationships. As the name indicates, the sensation can have great intensity and persistence, but not depth.

Infatuation implies high psychophysiological arousal, which manifests itself in somatic symptoms such as increased heartbeat, increased hormonal secretions, erection of the genitals (penis or clitoris), etc. This type of love develops very quickly, without time for any intimate feelings or commitment to grow.

3. Empty love

It is typical of relationships in which there is no longer passion or intimacy, but which are maintained due to commitment. from both sides. It is a form of bond, or a stage, that couples who have been together for a long time usually go through.

4. Romantic love

In romantic love there is passion and intimacy, but no commitment. It is a “walking among clouds”, delighting in the other without the slightest desire to give real significance to the bond. This type of love generally disappears when adversity or difficulties arise.

Romantic love can be found at the beginning of some long-term relationships, before the parties involved have committed to a long-term relationship with the other person.

5. Sociable or companionship love

In this type of love there is intimacy and commitment, but no passion. They both enjoy each other’s company and have made the decision to maintain the bond, even though there is no sexual or romantic desire. It is a form of love typical of great friends and more mature couples.

Sternberg (1986) states that this type of love is like a long-term committed friendship, the kind that often occurs in marriages in which physical attraction has died out.

6. Fatuous love

In these relationships there is a great component of passion and a strong commitment, but no intimacy. Generally, the decision to stay together is born from sexual or romantic desire, but not from trust or compatibility. This type of relationship is characteristic of people with great insecurities and dependencies.

Because the intimacy component of love takes time to set up, these relationships lack that aspect of love and are therefore more likely to fail.

7. Consummate love

Represents the ideal model of lovewhere all the components of the love triangle are present: passion, intimacy and commitment.

Components and preferences

In an empirical study carried out by the University of Santiago de Compostela, it was concluded that Both men and women particularly value the intimacy component in any type of relationship.

Regarding passion, Many of the couples investigated reported that It was difficult to find complete harmony in passionate feelings. Sometimes, they need it more and they need it less, or vice versa. Also, almost all indicated that passion is lost over time.

Something similar happened with the commitment component in that study. It was not easy to find symmetry in both members of the couple regarding this point. Apparently, Over time they expect a higher level of commitment, while they do not..

To conclude, Sternberg’s triangular theory of love stands out as one of the most valid, useful and interesting, since it allows us to understand this feeling from different angles depending on the combinations that can occur between its fundamental components.

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