The first sexual relationship: too many myths and few truths

The first sexual relationship marks a memory that is rarely forgotten. That’s true. It means opening a door to new sensations, to new ways of relating with your partner and, by implication, with life. However, despite the apparent freedom that prevails in the times we live in – some even speak of debauchery -, sex remains a taboo subject and there are still many misconceptions that survive in society thanks to the oldest form of communication: word of mouth

The most widespread mistake of all is to assume that sexuality begins with that first relationship. This is completely false since since we came into the world we are sexual beings. There are experts who affirm that there are “pleasures of the erotic order” that are experienced when sucking the mother’s breast and controlling or releasing the sphincters. Also when touching our body or experiencing the friction of the skin with some texture that we find rewarding.

Genitality is just one of the many dimensions of sexuality. Therefore, in a strict sense, the first sexual relationship is only relatively the first. At the same time, for human beings there are many first times, even when talking about the same terrain.

All this It is a clear example of the countless myths and truths that have been built around sex and, in particular, the first sexual relationship. Let’s review some of those mistakes that have “made a career.”

The age of first sexual intercourse

There is no critical age to have the first sexual relationship. Just a few decades ago, a 14-year-old girl was already of age to get married and start having children. In fact, this is true in many places around the world. The opposite also occurs. You will be surprised to know that in a study conducted in Japan, 42% of men between 18 and 34 years old were virgins.

According to statistical data, the average age the first sexual relationship is 17 years old. This varies from culture to culture and even between classes or social groups of the same culture. Starting your sexual life as a couple earlier, later or much later is a personal choice. Not being average does not mean being abnormal in the negative sense of the term.

The first sexual relationship must be wonderful

It is one of the most widespread and most erroneous myths there is. The opposite is usually true since inexperience and anxiety can make us very clumsy. Rarely are first times anything more memorable than having been the first times; This doesn’t just happen on the ground. sexual, but also in many other areas of life.

According to research carried out in the United States, up to 85% of women said they had felt deeply disappointed during his first time. The violins did not sound, nor did they touch the sky with their hands. She explored herself, got to know herself a little more and made progress in the field of physical love as a couple. Nothing more than that.

The myth that the first time must be wonderful and unforgettable places us in an uncomfortable position. Because? Because it creates false expectations for us. It will be remembered for being the first time, but it doesn’t have to be remembered for being wonderful or the most special. It is an approach to one more aspect of sexuality that does not have to remain in our memory as one of the best moments of our life. What’s more, many people claim that their first partner, in fact, was one of the ones with the least pleasant memories. Just because it’s the first doesn’t mean it’s the best or the most special.

The man must take charge of the situation

It is a myth imposed by machismo and also by fear, both of men and women. If he has more experience than her, he may “have an advantage” and will have to assume greater responsibility when it comes to reducing the tension that may float in the environment. Same as the opposite. However, The most experienced cannot and should not take charge of the emotions or sensations of the other..

Both men and women must have their first sexual relationship – and the rest, of course – voluntarily. Neither one nor the other has to accept pressure. Nor is it advisable for anyone to take the step before having resolved possible contradictions with their beliefs. nor expect the couple to assume a responsibility that corresponds to both of them. It is about complicity between two people. Therefore, rapport between the two, regardless of experience, will be essential.

There is a good indicator that you are ready to have your first sexual relationship. If you are able to express clearly and directly your emotions, needs and desires to your partner, you surely have many cards in your favor so that taking that step will make you enjoy and grow. If, on the other hand, you do not feel comfortable or experience confusion, perhaps the time has not yet come. It is advisable to wait for the right moment. A moment away from rush, pressure and social stigmas.

Alcohol or other drugs help

One of the effects of alcohol is that it contributes to creating a state of disinhibition. For this reason, many young couples manage their fears by turning to this or other similar drugs. The first sexual relationship, like any new experience, brings with it doubts and fears. No matter how much conviction there is, there will also be inhibitions.

The only thing that is achieved with a psychoactive agent is to falsify that experience. These types of drugs affect the senses and prevent different sensations from being clearly experienced. They also cause behavior to change and, to that extent, do not contribute much to your self-knowledge. Through this behavior, the only thing we achieve is to distort the genuine emotion and allow ourselves to be carried away by another completely altered one. Thus, alcohol is not the best friend of the first times. Much better to be yourself, authentic, and let yourself go.

The first sexual relationship is not like a banking procedure because it requires a much more intimate involvement from us, but it is not an indelible mark either.. Ideally, it should be a loving and rewarding experience that increases the trust and appreciation that the person feels for it. What is essential for the experience is a good part of the desire to want to live that experience freely and in tune with the rest of the dimensions, the rest consists of letting yourself be carried away by sensations and intuition.

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