The first days of mourning: now what?

The first days of mourning are characterized by disbelief. We can’t believe how that person was and, now suddenly, it’s not like that anymore. We need to not believe, because it hurts so much that we cannot suddenly and completely assume the emotional impact of the absence. Feelings of disorientation about what we should do now flourish.

In this article, we explain How the first stages of grief processing occur and how we can try to make sense of this initial disorientation.

The grieving process: so difficult and so necessary

Grief involves an internal and personal process in the face of the loss of an emotional bond. Although it is a term that is usually associated with the death of a loved one, it is not the only situation in which a grieving process occurs. It can also be associated with other important losses, such as the breakup of a couple or friendship, the loss of a job or home with an emotional aspect.

People cope with these losses in very different ways in the first days of grieving. In fact, It is a process that can last from months to several years depending on different personal or circumstantial factors.. Once the grieving process is over, the person generally manages to reconstruct the present with this absence, maintaining a memory that may be painful, but not disabling.

However, in some cases the expression of the discomfort caused by grief may not improve or may even worsen with the passage of time. Usually, in what is known as pathological grief, the person can see their functionality progressively deteriorate in the activities of daily living.

The stages and first days of mourning

It has been proven that the grieving process usually consists of certain stages. This knowledge has a healing potential for people who face it, since it allows them to know what phase they are in. So they can feel less disoriented and lost about how the grieving process unfolds.

The phases in the first days of grief are characterized by disbelief at the loss. Subsequently, phases more related to the grief on an emotional level, where emotions of sadness, anger and guilt may appear. Finally, the final phases of grief have to do with adaptation to the new environment with this absence and the emotional relocation of the loss.

The first days of grief are characterized by a denial of the loss. This mechanism allows you to separate yourself from the pain temporarily, to be able to accept this loss little by little. This is what is known in clinical psychology as a “defense mechanism”, which allows us to protect our mental health in the face of a traumatic experience.

Examples of this phase, in the first days of grief, are insisting on the idea that very recently everything was fine or waiting for a phone call or sign from the deceased. The feeling of disbelief induces a feeling of not being able to believe that we will never be with that person again..

What can help the process of the first days of grieving?

Although feelings of disbelief are part of the first days of grief, this stage can drag on for too long and turn into pathological grief. So, the defense mechanism becomes a trapwhich does not allow the person to adapt to the new reality and continue living.

Therefore, in these first days of mourning, All those actions that are directed towards the assumption and acceptance of the new reality help. Only once this new reality is accepted, the person can allow themselves to gradually carry out their grieving process on an emotional level.

Below, you will find some ideas that can help in this processing of the first days of grief.

Funeral, religious or similar rituals. Humanity has known, since ancient times, that we need to perform this type of rituals to be able to accept and not disconnect from an immensely painful reality. A religious event, a family gathering, symbols such as mourning or any ritual that people feel comfortable with, is one of the best ways to help the process of the first days of grieving.Talk about what happened. It is essential to help survivors talk about the circumstances surrounding the death: from where or how it occurred, to where one was when learning of the loss. Talking about what happened forces the brain to rationalize what happened and create a cognitive representation of the loss.Do not judge the emotions experienced or emotional expressions. There are people who worry about not crying or having the feeling of not caring about the loss in the first days. Nothing is further from reality. Although we have reached the point of not denying and being aware of the loss, it has only occurred on a rational level. Emotional acceptance usually comes in later stages. Furthermore, not all people accept grief with sadness; Anger or the feeling of injustice are very common feelings in grief.

The first days of mourning: disbelief

Grief involves an internal process in the face of the loss of a loved one, a bond or other elements with which the person had an emotional relationship. This process consists of stages that begin with disbelief in the face of loss, emotional acceptance and the assumption of the new reality in the face of absence.

Feelings of denial, in the first days of grief, are part of a normal process. Allow protect the psyche from a traumatic experience, to be able to accept it progressively. However, staying in this stage for a long time can lead to the condition of grief known as pathological.

Funeral rituals and acts or talking about the circumstances of the loss help to assume, on an intellectual level, the new reality. The stages of grief are a tool that can help survivors feel less disoriented during this process. However, The way in which each individual expresses and feels grief is personal and in no case should it be judged or disregarded..

You might be interested…