Why does my family always fight? Causes and triggers

Why does my family always fight? Siblings who can’t stand each other, grandparents who don’t talk to their children, uncles who we barely see once a year… There are family networks in which, in addition to the same blood or genetic code, discord and disagreements are also integrated.

It is true that each home is a world and that In every family tree there are broken branches, problematic figures and wounds that have not healed both in the trunks and in the roots. Everything has an impact on both the old and new generations.

Thus, and even if any of us now lives as an adult and walks through our own sphere far from the family fabric, there are threads that keep us attached to it. We integrate a genetic inheritance, an emotional legacy and invisible patterns of which, sometimes, we are victims.

Intergenerational wounds are also inherited. Factors such as past trauma, violence or abuse experienced are still evident among that small social nucleus of which we are a part. We analyze it.

Why does my family always fight? Causes and triggers

Sometimes, we can find ourselves in dynamics that are as complex as they are painful. There are nuclear families (those made up of parents and their children) in which arguments and differences are common.. This sometimes also extends to the extended family (grandparents, uncles, cousins…).

Meetings can be a minefield that always ends badly.. Whether on the mother’s side or the father’s side, any of us can find ourselves in that situation, the one in which we wonder why my family always fights, why since I can remember I only see disagreements and tense moments.

So, Growing up in a context in which we have witnessed these intergenerational conflicts usually leaves a mark. There are those who, for example, do not know one of their grandparents because their father or mother did not speak to them. Perhaps, in turn, the memory of those arguments between our uncles, the bad words and the reproaches thrown at each other is in our minds…

All of these are dynamics that erode and from which it is sometimes difficult to stay apart. However, why is it? What usually is the origin of these conflictive situations? Intergenerational traumas

Unresolved intergenerational traumas

Howard Stein is a historian and professor emeritus at the University of Oklahoma. Something interesting that he does not point out in his work is that, Often, at some point in our family past, someone suffered a traumatic event. Violent deaths, disasters, accidents, rapes, attacks…

These adverse events are not always overcome adequately.. They are “short-circuited” duels that stagnate and are passed collectively from one generation to another. Sometimes, pain transforms into anger, rage for the loss suffered and which, in some way, determines the upbringing of children, permeating it with shortcomings, disaffections, unresolved knots…

All of this can lead to frozen pain That far from being resolved, it spreads among the family, creating tensions between each other.

family grudges

If we ask ourselves since we were children why my family always fights, Perhaps the origin lies in the resentments harbored in the past and not overcome. They are silenced bitterness between our uncles, disagreements between our parents and grandparents, ties through which resentment runs in that extended family of which we are part.

Pride prevents us from giving way to forgiveness. This causes tightness to appearbad words, hints that hurt and end in arguments.

Thus, studies, such as the one carried out at Hope University (Michigan), demonstrate how effectively Resentment distorts relationships and makes them problematic. Even more, we know that this emotion has a serious impact on health.

Why does my family always fight? Inherited aggression patterns

Factors such as abuse, aggression and violent behavior may be another explanation why my family always fights.. It is an element that can sometimes be passed from generation to generation: children abused by their parents can repeat this same behavior with their partner or their own children, thus perpetuating the same dynamic of suffering.

Thus, studies such as those carried out at the University of Barcelona point out that although violence depends on many factors such as social, educational and cultural factors, we cannot leave aside the biological and genetic aspect.

It has been discovered that There is a correlation between attention deficit hyperactivity disorder and aggressive behavior, something that can be inherited from parents to children. Something that also leads in many cases to major depression.

Therefore, in many cases, Behind these clashes between the family, these discussions, tensions and constant reproaches, a psychological disorder can be camouflaged in many cases.. All of this makes us understand that they are elements that can be treated.

Each factor noted here can be addressed through therapy. Families can sometimes be, as we well know, true factories of suffering, especially if they have not healed their past, if they have not resolved and addressed those wounds from yesterday that remain open in the present and that condition the well-being of all their loved ones. members.

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