Symbiotic relationships: everything together, nothing apart

There are as many ways to love as there are people in the world. However, despite the differences, there are also a series of common aspects that define the different ways of loving and relating as a couple, such as the need to merge with the other and lose the individual identity that occurs in symbiotic relationships. .

These are couples who are psychologically linked to extreme levels. and in which its members behave as if they were one. There is nothing beyond, only their particular universe, the one in which they do everything together, for better and worse. Let’s dig deeper.

A world of two: characteristics of the symbiotic bond

In the animal world, symbiosis is the process by which at least two different species join or interact with each other with different levels of cooperation to obtain a benefit, whether common or only for one of the participants. This is the case of the whale shark, which allows much smaller fish, such as pilot fish, to clean its jaw, gills and skin and they are fed and protected while they do so.

However, in couple relationshipsthis phenomenon occurs in a different way, since its members monopolize each other completely until it reaches the point that they can’t do anything without each other. There is no time or attention for other matters. They have gone from being two people to becoming one.

Perhaps at first it may seem somewhat confusing, since it is often thought that this is how relationships should be. What happens is that In symbiotic relationships, its members are drowned in a we, That is to say, everything else has ended, even what each one did alone. There is only her universe, her world. Individuality has been lost.

In addition, other types of characteristics usually occur in this type of relationship:

They love each other because they need each other. People who create these types of bonds are usually emotionally immature and relate to each other out of necessity, rather than preference. They often fill their emotional voids with the presence of the other. Their members usually have low self-esteem or problems in childhood.They take responsibility for each other’s pain. Since there is no individuality, they feel responsible for the feelings of others, although at certain times they also hold them responsible for how they feel and do not hesitate to blame them.Fears and jealousy tend to appear constantly. Low self-esteem usually causes a large number of worries, such as that the other person will end up breaking up the relationship or being unfaithful. There is so much insecurity that is experienced, so much fear that it suffocates them, but they are so camouflaged that they appear through this type of thoughts and behaviors. Furthermore, being possessive relationships, jealousy is also quite common.Lack of identity. Members of symbiotic relationships progressively lose their identity to adopt the tastes, preferences and ways of thinking of their partner. This happens to such an extent that they end up not being able to differentiate between what the partner likes and their own tastes. It is generated enough suffering and discomfort. It is inevitable that suffering appears in this type of relationship, if there is only need and not freedom, if possession and fusion with the other are the ways they relate, since they put the possibility of being happy in the other.

How to break the symbiosis?

Getting out of a symbiotic relationship is possible, however it is not easy. It is not because it is necessary to reconfigure the conception that one has about both love and relationships, in addition to healing the emotional wounds of the past, in order to be able to know each other and not lose individuality. To do this, it is important to be clear about certain aspects:

To love is not to need. We were born whole, we do not need a better half to complete us. Therefore, love is not nourished by necessity, but by preference, by free choice. The other person is not there to cover our shortcomings or fill our voids.There is time for everything. Just because we have a partner does not mean that we abandon everything we were doing or that we stop seeing our friends and family. It is true that at the beginning of the relationship we have that intense desire to be with each other 24 hours a day, but it is the result of the revolution that occurs in the phase of falling in love. However, maintaining activities, relationships or hobbies is synonymous with health, because then where are we?Each one is responsible for himself. This is one of the most important aspects: we cannot take responsibility for everything the other person says, does or feels, it is not our responsibility, but theirs. We can help you, understand you or listen to you, but ultimately it is she who has to make decisions and act.It is necessary to maintain personal identity. We cannot make who we are invisible and adopt the behaviors, thoughts and feelings of others. More than anything because we cancel ourselves and deceive others, since we do not allow them to discover what we are like. This chameleonic attitude, typical of symbiotic relationships, is undoubtedly very dangerous because in the process of loving we end up losing ourselves.You have to learn from the differences. Discovering others, identifying their differences, learning from them… can be fascinating. This does not mean that you have to like everything about it, but that you are willing to learn other ways of observing the world, other perspectives that, if they are healthy, can give you a lot.

It is also important reflect on your relationship, that is, what benefits does it have for your well-being? What losses does it imply?

Finding a quiet place to talk with your partner about how you relate can be an opportunity to start thinking about things differently. Talk about your pain, the fear or anxiety you experience, how it drowns out insecurity…

Finally, if you do not know very well what to do or if you experience that discomfort is present most of the time in your relationship, it is recommended that you go to psychological therapy.

Getting out of symbiotic relationships requires both time and awareness and effort by the members of the couple, but the result is worth it: because the experience of loving healthily is extraordinary.

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